A1: The Alpha Trolls' Session
by grandvizier527
Summary: This is the story of 12 trolls much like the ones we have come to know and love/hate, but unique in so many different ways. This is the Sgrub session that started it all. Featuring an egotistical thief, a cloudy-minded seer, a broken-minded boy, and the slavery of a girl. This is A1.
1. Chapter 1

ACT 1

Meenah Peixes held the thin wrapping that covered the Sgrub disc in her magenta-dyed fingernails. Finally, after months of waiting, it had finally arrived on her lonely hive on the moon. The Resigned Empress was eager to inform her only friend of the game's arrival, but first she surveyed the lonely planet she was living on. It was pretty much always night here, but the heat of the Beforan sun still scorched her in the daytime. The rocky, barren landscape that matched the color of her own royal blood was harsh and unforgiving. Meenah had been lucky to get the assistance of some relocation drones to get her hive from the depths of the Ocean to this dead, but thankfully isolated place. )-(ad she been some other lowblood, she probably wouldn't have had the money (or the inflowance) to arrange this.

Peixes alone remembered to take a good final look at the landseascape surrounding her hive; she was the only one who knew where they would be going. The HorrorTerrors had whispered to her in the night of the riches of Sgrub: power, wealth, the chance to start this race over, and rule the finished product as not only an Empress, but a Goddess. The only thing that stood in her wave (that she knew of at the moment) where the other 11 chum(p)s that would go with her.

She looked down briefly at her home world, Beforus, scowling when she thought of the people living down there. It was a happy world that knew no subjugation, very little fear, and very little pain. To put it in perspective of Alternia, Beforus still had the same hemospectrum and the same quadrants, but they were dealt with very differently. Flushed feelings were based on (ideally) genuine love, and moirallegiance based on friendship; the term "pity" used as it was on Alternia would bewilder the average Beforan troll (except for one particular individual). The hemospectrum still existed, but it only meant something to the few trolls that still clung to the way things had been before the passing of the Blood Purity Act by the mostly blue and purple blooded Parliament, which stated that all discrimination for trolls based on blood color was prohibited. It also banned trolls from being subject to assigned occupations based on blood color. Of course, Meenah didn't care about something silly like this; she was the Empress, after all, and no one else was willing to have her job! Beforans had sent a number of diplomatic missions to the neighboring planets to engage in trade agreements. Most alien races were willing to deal with them, as they had no organized military to speak of whatsoever. Because the planet had not been focused on military conquest, television and the Internet had developed much faster on Beforus than on Alternia. In this universe, it had already been around long enough for good titles for shows to be invented. So there weren't any "film in which a dashing young upstart has an affair with a princess of the neighboring kingdoms" to speak of. As for quadrants, filling them was not mandatory, but instead recommended to improve one's life and health. Recent studies had shown that even kissmeses had some psychological justification. Nonetheless, most were auspicticized. If the auspicticise failed to mediate between the two properly and one of the trolls in kissmesis killed the other, then the auspicticise would be charged with trollslaughter, and the murdering troll with...murder. Speaking of crimes, any troll was free to pursue law as an occupation because of the Blood Purity Act, and this and many other professional jobs were opened up to trolls who had previously been marked as "lowbloods", who were now on equal footing with most other trolls. Freedom of speech and criticism of the Empress and the Highbloods (called the Royal Administration after the Blood Purity Act allowed lowbloods to go into politics) were also allowed. Meenah, of course, didn't care what others thought of her and would rather be eviscerated than answer criticisms from fudgebloods. Ever since she had moved up here, petitions had been sent to her almost monthly from trolls wishing for her to return to her home world. They loved her, they said, and they wanted her back to rule with benevolence and peace. Meenah tried not to gag thinking about the words. Love?! Peace?! Benivalve-no, wait, Benellveol-she couldn't even think of a suitable fish pun for that disgusting word. What she longed more than anything was a world of violence, of death and destruction and threats...or at least excitement. She'd come to regret that wish.

Just before logging onto Trollian, she glanced briefly at the green moon known only as Angloss(Meenah liked the name becuase it sounded like "anglers"). She liked it better because of its lack of inhabitants.

**Cetaceous Catastrophe (CC) began trolling Arachne's Gift (AG):**

CC: )-(ey girl get your everything on we're starting this thing! 38)

AG: Why, hello there, Meenah! ::::) I take it you received your Sburb disc? 8oth the server and client ones?

CC: yeah let's just get going already! i'm insailing the game bight now!

AG: I see-or should I say sea-that you're continuing the overusage of fish puns.

CC: fish puns are the depth charge you know that Serket

AG: Depth charge? I'm afr8d I don't-

CC: Bomb ya plop in the water. jegus aranea i don't want you gettin your expo on about how you don't know some carp. portsides you pretty smart on other things i don't care about

AG: So, the wave-see, I deli8er8tely used a fish pun!-you mock my ignorance a8out a nautical weapon used for war constitutes ignorance to you, and even as I live in a peaceful place that has seen no war for centuries? Also, now that we have shed some light on this topic, I must say I really hope what you said regarding the game's rewards for the players that 8eat it, including the thing you mentioned a8out limitless knowledge, turn out to 8e true. In recent sweeps I've had strange dreams, Meenah-almost as strange as the ones that you told me a8out-although they have 8een less dark and grim in regards to content. A whispering voice-she calls herself Mindfang-keeps telling me that I am to 8ecome a har8ringer of knowledge that will 8e mine to spread 8y word of mouth. Perhaps then my 8a88ling-or 8u88ling, as you call it-will finally 8e put to good use. And may8e the same can 8e said of the destructive nature that you've 8een har8oring for so long. 8efore you type in protest, let me remind that I make no judgement upon these feelings, unlike certain others who type in a text color that mirrors my own.

CC: O)-( GLUB SERKET S)-(UT THE GLUB UP! do i look like i give a carp about any of your boring ass expo flotsam?

AG: Flotsam?

CC: Junk serket! junk! now whale you were bubblin i got the discs installed! how's the order goin?

AG: You are to 8e my server, and I shall 8e your client. As the server, your job is to assist me while controlling a large cursor that-

CC: aranea i told you all this and got you to pass the facts on to the others member?

AG: Oh, sorry Meenah! It's just that I've gotten adjusted to explaining this to every new player, and now that you're the last one it's just 8ecome a reflex action for me! I suppose you don't me giving you any help?

CC: gog no now just let me drag the stuff to your hive

**. . . . .**

It wasn't long before the Cruxtrader, Kernalsprite, and the Alchemiter were deployed in Aranea's hive. Before getting ready to enter the Medium, she messaged Meenah:

**Arachne's Gift (AG) began trolling Cetaceous Catastrophe (CC)**

AG: I shall 8e the first to enter. Next will 8e Meulin, of who I am the server player, and then she will send Kurloz into the game. He will 8e the server of Mituna, who will send in Cronus after he enters the game, followed 8y Kankri, who will send in Latula, who will help Porrim, who will assist Horuss-

CC: Gee that's gonna suck for her

AG: Oh, I don't think it'll 8e that 8ad! Horuss, for some reason, insisted that I make Rufioh his client player. Finally, he will send in Damara, who will send in you. I have a-premonition that it would 8e 8etter for most of us to 8egin assisting our client players just after we enter our session. With the exception of me, of course.

CC: Megido? can't say i know her reel whale 38|

AG: It will work. Trust me. ;;;;)

CC: okay but only cause your my frond 38)

AG: Thank you. ::::)

Aranea logged out of Trollian and searched around her hive. She picked up an old plastic 8 ball her lusus had got her as wiggler, knowing exactly what this would be used for. She placed onto the kernel sprite, and it came to life as a floating blue 8 ball. Along with it came several punchcards. As she went to the cruxite dowel to get them to make totem lathes, she could almost hear Mindfang whispering to her. She couldn't hear the exact words she was saying, but she felt that her ancestor was giving her instructions, the same ones she was following right now. As Arenea took the totem lathes to the Alchemiter, she briefly wondered how she knew what to do with only Meenah's terse explanations given months ago before any of their Sgrub games arrived. Mindfang. Surely it was Mindfang. But who was she, really? Was she even trustworthy, or some sort of game construct meant to prepare players before they play? Some sort of computer program? No. Aranea had a vague intuition (or perhaps it was Mindfang herself?) that told her that Mindfang was none of these things. She was speaking to her alone.

As Aranea activated the Alchemiter, she suddenly saw a pair of dice appear.

"Make 8," Mindfang whispered, this time clearly enough for Aranea to hear. She picked up the dice, throwing them several times, not getting a six and a two. She groaned in frustration.

"Ugggghhhh! What does this have to do with knowledge?"

"You also domin8 over luck," Mindfang replied. "Focus and see."

Aranea took a deep 8reath, rolled the dice, and got an 8. 8efore she could react, her hive, her sprite, and her lusus lurking 8eneath her disappeared into the Medium.

**This is my first Homestuck fanfic, and boy is it going to be a bit off a long one! Let me know if you have trouble discerning troll dialogue, not necessarily their typing quirks but just the chats in general. When I first typed this thing out for my own entertainment, all the text was appropriately colored, but I don't think this site allows colored text :(**

**Please give reviews, so long as they're substantial! Also, how well did I do on Meenah? Isn't she the coolest?**


	2. Chapter 2

Moments later, Aranea peekd outside her hive and looked out at the world she was to inhabit. But there was practically nothing to see at all! Her world was covered in fog: the Land of Fog and Shine (LOFAS). As she opened a window to see if she could see something, Aranea thought that perhaps some glitch had happened. But then she saw a small black creature scratching against her azure-walled hive. It looked like a short little creature-an imp-with a stocky body and no clothing. Implanted on its forehead was an 8. She gasped at the sight, not in fear but in astonishment. She logged onto Trollian to tell Meenah:

**Arachne's Gift (AG) began trolling Cetaceous Catastrophe (CC)**

AG: Woooooooow! The virtual reality simul8tor for this game is simply amazing! I look right outside my hive, and I see an enemy that looks so a8surd, 8ut so real! It even has a cute little 8 on its head!

CC: uh yeah serket i kinda lied bout the vr shit

this game just sent you to a new world. heck a new tunaverse

and uh your old place woulda gotten sunk by a meteor if you didn't get a swim on soon

somehow you did good which i just don't get

how can you take 8 minutes to glub with me but reel short time to get in the Medium

yeah it just seems weird. guess you're good if you don't have distractions like other glubbin' people

yeah anemonewaves shit just got reel for yall

had to lie to get you to join

it was the only wave

i been feelin' all kinds a sorry that i had to do it 38(

but i bet we'll be coral reel soon 38)

Peixes out 38) 38) 38) 38) 38) 38) 38) see i made 8 8s for ya

AG: ...8ut you only made seven emoticons...

Aranea sighed in frustration and decided to go exploring outside her hive.

"How could I have known that the game was real?" she asked herself. But then, Mindfang's voice-very quiet and faint this time-told her the answer.

"You knew it all along. You had just never found time to shed a light on this knowledge."

"Huh?" Aranea said aloud. She could hear Mindfang groaning.

"That was a hint! Li8!" Mindfang cried, her voice louder than it had ever been before. Aranea didn't know how she knew, but she felt like that was her last message.

From what Mindfang had said (rather, yelled) at her, Aranea figured she'd need a particularly powerful source of light to clear up the fog in her world. But first, she checked out the walkthroughs for Sgrub online. She didn't find any for it, but she did find one for a game called Sburb. When she tried to look at, she found that it was all in some kind of weird language. Oh, well.

She stepped outside, armed only with the two lucky six-sided dice that she gained from Mindfang. The imp turned its head and faced her, glaring with its pupiless beady eyes. It tried to scratch Aranea with its claws, but she dodged the blows. The imp tried to chase her, and she instinctively ran, but instead of back in her hive she went around her hive in a panic. Her fear was quickly alleived, however, when she heard a crunching sound.

"Oh, Nelly! Thank goodness you're here!" she cried, embracing the hairy leg of her lusus. Nelly was not the lusus' actual name, but she had learned to respond to it anyway. She had crushed the imp with her thin-but-powerful spder leg. Nelly lowered her head so that Aranea could get on her back. She was about to climb on when she heard a sloshing sound. She turned around to find that it was her 8-ball sprite, floating down to the foot Nelly had used to crush the imp. Where the imp had been were several bits of grist.

"You want me to pick that up? Well, ok. Does it help me in the game, or something?" Aranea asked her sprite. It hovered up and down to indicate a yes. Nelly lifted her foot and Aranea picked up the grist. Nelly once again let Arenea get on her back. As Aranea tugged on her hair to steer her like a hoofbeast, Nelly gave a cordial hiss.

"So, when you squashed the imp, how exactly did you feel?" Aranea asked for clarification. "Like you had just...advanced up the echeladder? What's that?" Nelly shrugged.

"From rookie spinneretist to 8 edged 8rawler? Sounds good to me!" Aranea replied. She got out her laptop as they traveled, remembering to contact the next player to enter the game.

**. . . . .**

Meulin Leijon was curling in full cat-nap posture (yes, nose to anus) when she heard the sound indicating that Aranea was trying to troll her. Oh, no, wait...no she didn't. She's deaf. And the vibrations certainly weren't enough to wake her up.

**Arachne's Gift (AG) began trolling Anthropomorphic Complexity (AC)**

AG: Meeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuliiiiiiiin!

Are you there? If so, please respond within the next thirty seconds!

...

Nope. Well, if you choose to show up some time TOD8Y, please install your client disc for Sgrub. I see you haven't done that already; otherwise I would 8e poking you with a 8ig green cursor right now!

8ye ::::/

Aranea sighed, realizing who it would be that she would have to contact in order to get to Meulin. She briefly reconsidered switching Meulin's and Kurloz Makara's places, but instinct told her not to. Aranea hadn't even stopped to realize that now it was her own, rather than Mindfang's. She sighed and instead turned her focus to Leijon's matesprit; Kurloz. He would also be very likely to be unresponsive, but she had to try and see if she could get a message across.

**Arachne's Gift (AG) began trolling Undergarment Crusader (UC)**

AG: Kurloz?

UC: :o)

AG: Good! You're here! Could you please wake up Meulin? We're finally starting Sgrub! Also...you need to know. Sgrub isn't virtually reality at all. It's all real. Meenah neglected to tell me, 8ut she claims she had a porpoise-I mean purpose-in doing so. She claims I wouldn't 8elieve her otherwise. That may8e so, 8ut she's still a 8itch for not telling me the truth. Why would she do that to the girl who's pretty much her 8est friend-her only friend, at that?

UC: :o(

AG: 8ut nevertheless, she's still my friend. When I get another moment with her, we're going to have a talk. Not a pointless exposition, 8ut a real talk. If she deli8er8tely left this piece of information a8out how the game works to me, it makes me wonder what else she didn't tell me.

UC: :o)

AG: Kurloz, we're both using our computers. Why are you just making emoticons instead of talking.

UC: i like the emoticons

AG: I see. Perhaps you feel as if you can say so much 8y saying so little. A very efficient manner of communication. I'm a little jealous! All I can do to talk to people is make long winded speeches, while you just make quick conversation with the emoticons! 8ut then again, even my emoticon itself is pretty long winded...

UC: :o)

AG: ::::)

UC: ;o) ill tell meulin

AG: Thanks!

Kurloz rose from his wicked motherfuckin chair and turned to Meulin. They were in the same hive; the two matesprits had been living together unbeknownst to everyone else in his hive. Neither of them had a lusus; Kurloz had killed his after it had tried to investigate his spiritual practices, and Meulin's had disowned her after she had returned from her home deaf one day. Turning to his "kittybitch", he communicated with her telepathically:

"**ARISE, LEIJON. IT IS TIME TO BEGIN THE SESSION. WE MUST DO SO FOR THE GLORY OF THE ONE TRUE MOTHERFUCKIN MIRTHFUL MESSIAH, WHOSE MIRACLES WILL WREAK HAVOC UPON THIS WRETCHED PLANET IN OUR ABSENCE! AS THE BITCHTITS METEOR SUBJUGGULATORS ARE SENT TO PUNISH THE MEEK, WE AND TEN OTHERS WILL ASCEND TO DO OUR PART IN BEGINNING THE MOTHERFUCKIN CYCLE FOR HIS FEEDING UPON OUR FORSAKEN MOTHERFUCKIN UNIVERSES! IN FACT, HE IS ALREADY HERE, INSIDE EACH ONE OF US, WAITING TO BE BIRTHED THROUGH OUR MOTHERFUCKIN FAILURE AND MISERY! HONK!"**

**"I HEAR AND OBEY, HIGHBLOOD MASTER. I EXIST TO SERVE YOUR WILL AND DO YOUR BIDDING!" **Meulin replied. Kurloz smiled at her as she woke up from her catnap.

"**WE SHALL ENTER THE SESSION TOGETHER, BUT WE WILL BE TAKEN TO DIFFERENT LANDS! MEET WITH ME IN MINE, AND WE SHALL CONTINUE OUR CONSPIRING!"**

**"HEE HEE HEE!' **Meulin giggled from Kurloz's alliterative phrase. Kurloz hid inside the recuperacoon that he and Meulin shared, and she logged on to Trollian to let Aranea know she was awake:

**Anthropomorphic Complexity (AC) began trolling Arachne's Gift**

AC: ($0$) i'm here! sorry i was catnapping before!

AG: That's all right, Meulin. Do you remem8er what I told you to do to get in the Medium? And as Kurloz warned you just what exactly we're all getting into?

AC: (+u+) yep! he told me! once we go in, we can't go back! i'll spurread the word to the others!

AG: No need. I already did it in a memo. I hope you world turns out to 8e better than mine! So far all I see is fog, and a faint sun in the sky. I think I'm supposed to clear it somehow, 8ut I'm not sure what to do ::::(

AC: (*&*) don't get your fur in a knot! i'll bet there's some way the game will give you a hint about this. talk to Latula and see what she says! :33

AG: Agreed. I'll place the necessary equipment in this room and the one adj8cent to it. My, your hive is certainly spacious, Meulin!

AC: (#-#) i had Kurloz help me renovate it! he's pretty good at building, so whoever gets him as serfur player is purretty lucky! say, can i ask you something?

AG: Ask away.

AC: (P._.P) Kurloz told me this would be fun and all, but if it's so dangerous and sends us so far away why are we even doing it?

AG: That...is a very good question, Meulin. I suppose it was Meenah's initiative, 8ut when she first mentioned this game to me I had the feeling that it was part of some strange destiny laid in store for us. One that could make us far greater than even our ancestors. I've had dreams with Mindfang in them, telling me that this is just what we need to do. I know it sounds crazy, 8ut I feel like that there is an adventure w8ing in store for us, Meulin. An adventure in which we must prove ourselves victorious over impossible challenges...or die trying. I feel like it's simply f8, and we mustn't question it. I know that's not a very good answer, 8ut it's my personal reason for playing this game and 8eginning the session.

AC: (ZdZ) sounds good to me!

AG: You weren't listening, were you?

AC: no.

Meulin logged off and searched the hive furantically for something to prototype with. Various objects lay strewn around the room, but none of them seemed suitable. Finally, Kurloz grew impatient and stuck his head out of the recuperacoon. From inside, he took off his shorts (which were, sadly, his only piece of clothing) and tossed them at the kernalsprite.

"(#0#) Kurloz! Hee hee hee-oh." Kurloz stepped out of the recupercoon. Turns out he had another pair on underneath after all. He gave a thumbs up at his matesprit and the sprite, which was basically a floating pair of purple boxers. Thankfully they were clean. Meulin went over to nuzzle her head against him, but he was already in the next room where Aranea had placed the Totem Lathe and the Alchemiter. An olive-green mouse appeared, as well as a horn about as big as Kurloz's head. Meulin pounced on the mouth and held in her hands paws. Kurloz picked up the horn and glanced at Meulin.

"**YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS."**

**"I AM DEAF NOW. I WILL HEAR NO EVIL, JUST AS YOU SPEAK NO EVIL."**

**"FOLLOW THE TEACHINGS OF THE WICKEDEST MOTHERFUCKER AROUND, AND WE WILL BOTH BE HAPPY AS THE OTHERS SUFFER."**

**"I LOVE YOU." **Kurloz nodded curtly in agreement.

He picked up the horn and honked a Vast Honk. But not _the _Vast Honk. That had already happened.

**. . . . .**

Miles away, another troll heard it faintly and knew what had happened. This was the sound he was supposed to wait for. He checked his computer, and sure enough, Kurloz was trolling him.

**Undergarment Crusader (UC) began trolling Unorthodox Advancement (UA)**

UC: :o)

UA: Hello there, Kurloz. I heard the Vast Honk. I take it's time for me to start the game?

UC: :o) yep

UA: Such a quiet moirail. The rest of us are guilty of the sin of talking far too much. I wouldn't be surprised if one day we are silenced, save for you of course.

UC: :'o(

UA: You wouldn't like that? Gog...I'm sorry I said something like that. I guess that is my fate for trying to make a joke. If only you would talk more, I would get to learn from the best. Please talk to me, friend. It's always nice to have someone who will listen, and keep my secrets. But sometimes I want you to respond.

UC: i talk sometimes

UA: Yes, but not enough. Well, time to start the game, I guess. Now that it's finally come to this, I just want to say something: I feel that a great danger is upon us, a danger that we can never escape from. The only thing to do is to play this game, and see what we can do to defeat it. But nonetheless, I feel that we will fail. That I will fail. But if that is what it takes to ensure the well-being of friends, then so be it.

UC: :o( be happy

UA: If only to appease the mirthful messiahs, then yes. I shall be happy for your sake. To be honest, you and your silly clown antics have kept me alive all these years. That and my lusus. They're certainly a protective species, are they not?

UC: :'o(

UA: Oh, right. I forget sometimes. I trigger you more than Kankri in a debate, and yet you always seem so quick to forgive. Perhaps you know what is truly important, Kurloz, and you just won't tell the rest of us. It's quite a secret you've got there. One day I'll find out what it is...Is it a matespritship?

UC: :o)

UA: Ambiguous as usual, hm? Well, you know who it is I have flushed feelings for. But she can never know. I'm...too shy, too stoic, too pessimistic for her tastes. Not...rad enough.

UC: :o) try

UA: Maybe when we all enter the Medium. Now how about you set up my game?

UC: :O)

UA: Quite the goofy nose you have put on for the occasion. But can it match this? #8D

Doesn't the pound sign kind of look like a roman numeral 2?

UC: :o/

UA: I'll work on it.

Mituna Captor logged off his computer, stepping out onto the balcony that was over the entrance to his hive. He found that the Alchemiter was in the way of his view, however. He smiled in amusment. He tried to head out the front door downstairs, but that way was also blocked by the Cruxtrader. The kernalsprite was in front of the respiteblock. Mituna's two-headed cyclops lusus was on the other side. Mituna concentrated with telekinesis and brought up his computer from upstairs in his room down to the respite block, hoping this would give his kernalsprite some sort of tactical usefulness. He quickly made his totem lathes and headed back upstairs to enter his session from the Alchemiter. When he put the totem lathes in a golden supercomputer, large as it was old and clunky, appeared. On its screen was the command: Execute? Y/N. The only keys on the keyboard were Y and N.

"Now why did I get the simple one?" Mituna wondered. He pressed Y, noticing the meteor flash in the sky above him before he disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3

Meulin opened her eyes and found that roughly half of her hive had been transpored into the medium with her, and the other half had apparently been taken with Kurloz. She looked outside the gaping hole in her walls, which she saw that Aranea was already taking time to fortify with artificial walls. Meulin looked outside at her world and saw that her hive had been placed across the street from an ocean. She immediately realized that she was in some sort of port city. Ships were all over the harbor, either docking themselves in and unloading passengers and cargo or setting sail for the endless blue that surrounded the place. Looking behind her, Meulin saw that the rest of the port city sprawled out a good distance from her hive. She felt that her world was a little small, but it would have to do. If she just kept in touch with her inner feline, she could survive this city that the game had made. She went onto to Trollian before heading out with Shortsprite to see if she could talk to Kurloz. He wasn't there, but Aranea was.

**Anthropomorphic Complexity (AC) began trolling Arachne's Gift (AG)**

AC: (U^0^U) hey! i'm in the medium now! i don't think i really like my world, though. it's so full of water! i'm basically on a purrt with tons of ships! i guess i'll just have to explore the city and get lucky.

AG: As your server player, I already know all this, remem8er. I can't see much farther out than you, 8ut I'd say you're pretty lucky. At least you can see everything! I've 8een trying to wander around my world for a while now with Nelly, and we can't find anything! And she won't let me get off her 8ack! I think I'm supposed to get rid of it somehow, 8ut all I know is that I need light...?

AC: (. .) i guess we each have our own challenges then! (=)

AG: Right. When I'm done building, will you 8e all right without me?

AC: (*&*) sure! you go off explurring with Nelly! i wish i still had my lusus...

Meulin could already see the imps gathering outsider her hive, all of them showing the first two prototypings of the session:

**. . . . .**

Meanwhile on Beforus, Cronus Ampora was attempting to synthesize yet another piece for his latest self-made and promoted album. Like all the others, it was an auto-tuned, 4 and half minute long mess. But Cronus refused to see it that way. He was proud of his work, despite the fact that it never took him anywhere. He still had a little bit of hope to cling to, and nothing that anyone said would make him relinquish it.

He groaned when he heard the sound that indicated someone was trolling him, but his spirits lifted when he saw it was Mituna, his best friend and moirail. Although Mituna was moirail to both Cronus and Kurloz, the latter two avoided each other. Kurloz had no use for Cronus, and Cronus was usually disturbed by Kurloz's lack of speaking.

**Unorthodox Advancement (UA) began trolling Critical Appearifier (CA)**

UA: It's time. Did you think of something to prototype with?

CA: no, i hawven't, Mituna. vwhat do you think i should use?

UA: I don't know. Perhaps you have some CD lying around? Your kernalsprite should then, judging by Serket's descriptions of the game, play all the tracks on the album.

CA: i guess that vwould be entertaining, vwouldn't it?

UA: Exactly. Now hurry; the moment you install your disc a meteor will begin hurtling down from space.

CA: excuse me?

UA: I don't lie, Ampora, you know that. Please tell me you've at least mentally, if not physically, prepared yourself for this game.

CA: okay, fine, i'll use one of my albums.

UA: Good. I'll deploy the things you need.

CA: thanks. but don't leawve just yet. i feel like this vwill be fun, but...i'm scared. vwe're leawving ewverything behind, you knovw. it's frightening. you may not hawve any reason to stay, but i'm going to miss Beforus. the coffee shop, the poetry workshop, the music store...the other trolls that vwon't be coming vwith us...

UA: I understand how you must feel. But I don't feel the same way. We were destined to do this, you and I and all of the others. I feel that we are doomed to do so.

CA: newver feel like that, Captor. there's alvways a sliwver of hope somevwhere in the uniwverse. you'd understand more if you just...

UA: I know where this is going, Cronus. Please stop. I'm only pale for you, and I think it will always be that way.

CA: but i actually knovw you, unlike stupid Latula. you'wve hardly ewven talked to her!

UA: That will change one day! But for now we have important things to do. Install your client disc and forget about flushing for me.

CA: sorry. i fucking hate quadrants.

UA: I do to. But without them, we wouldn't be moirails. And if we weren't moirails, we'd both be miserable shipwrecks, what with my pessimism and...dammit, they're fools for not liking you, Cronus. With the exception of myself, of course.

CA: thanks.

Cronus took a deep breath and installed the disc...but we've seen players enter the Medium so many times, so you know what happens. Cronus made it in time (sorry, everyone, I know you all hate him, but he can't die at the moment!) He woke up face down on a stretch of black concrete, the likes of which were completely unfamiliar to him. I mean, HOW would a troll living UNDERWATER know what a ROAD was? (crap, I gave it away!) He stood to his feet, quickly realizing that he was on land, and observed his surroundings. On either side of the road were hundreds of apartment duplexes, all the wap up and down the street. Each one was all white and built the same as the next one, but some houses had wacky lawn ornaments or paint splattered haphazardly on the walls.

Cronus didn't know what to make of these identical double-hives. A door opened, and out stepped a young male of some pink alien that Cronus had never seen before. He was wearing a dark blue sweater vest, a striped blue and yellow shirt underneath, skinny jeans, a dark green beanie hat, and perfectly square glasses. He stretched out his weird-looking hand, and Cronus stared at him, confused as to how to respond to this gesture.

"Vwhat?" Cronus asked. "Are you an enemy?" the alien laughed.

"No! Is being aloof a thing on your planet, or something?"

"Vwhat is this place?" Cronus asked.

"If the universe keeps things going the way they are now, Paradise," the alien said. "I'm Ivan. Pleased to meet you. Care to come inside so that my friends and I can explain everything to you?"

"Vwell, sure, I guess. I'm Cronus Ampora," Cronus said, relaxed by this stranger. No one had ever invited him into his or her hive before!

"Just as I thought." Turning to the sky, Ivan screamed, "The Bard has arrived!"

"Vwho? Me?"

"You got it. Just come inside, and I'll tell you. The...haters live out here. Tell me, Cronus, do you like coffee?"

"Yes. Vwhy do you ask?"

"And do you always feel like you're unappreciated and misunderstood?"

"Yes! All the time!"

"Well, now you're with friends. We'll tell you everything you need to know. You've got a very imporant job to do, but don't worry about it for right now. This is your community."

"My...community?" Cronus asked Ivan. The word was a lovely note to his ears (located somevwhere near his gills). A group of others just like him...hadn't he that on Beforus? Perhaps not. The always seemed distant to him, not willing to deal with him unless necessary, despite their shared interests. When Cronus was alone, he imagined them saying mean things about him and being glad that he was gone. Things like he couldn't fill a quadrant if he could pay other trolls fill each one. That his work was meaningless, crass, and talentless. That everything he could ever possibly amount to would be gone before he knew it. That his life was just a piece of garbage ready to be washed away by the ocean. No one ever said these things to him, but he could feel it in his head, and the words in his head were often turned into music and poetry. Music and poetry that no one listened to because no one cared, not even Mituna or his lusus. Speaking of his lusus...

"Hawve you seen a seahorse around here, by any chance?" Cronus asked.

"You mean the one that ended up in our tank at around the exact same time you arrived?" A female pink alien asked, pointing to a large fish tank that took up and entire wall between the living room and kitchen (higher up trolls don't use the slang of the lowbloods). Sure enough, it was right there. Cronus smiled.

"I think I'm going to like it here," he said to the others.


	4. Chapter 4

Meanwhile, Kankri had just finished typing a manuscript for the abstract of a new blog post for his silly social justice blog (WARNING: L9NG AND 69RING!).

I n9w return t9 9nce again t9 the su6ject 9f the previ9usly c9tr9versial t9pic 9f the practice 9f tw9 matesprits living t9gether in a permanent relati9nship. Alth9ugh 9ne c9uld easily 6ring int9 the discussi9n 9f this t9pic the studies c9nducted n9t five sweeps ag9 suggesting that such l9ng-term relati9nships may put a strain 9n a tr9ll's pers9nal flushed quadrant health, I will refrain as much as p9ssi6le fr9m c9njuring this idea in the mind 9f the reader. I understand that this is a study which, h9wever factual, may trigger s9me 9f my readers wh9 are reading this essay that happen t9 6e in such a matespritship, and are su6sequently triggered 6y undenia6le facts. Alth9ugh I pers9nally c9ndemn th9se wh9 deli6erately ch99se t9 disregard facts in fav9r 9f a su6jective 9pini9n that they have t9, t9 put it crassly, make themselves feel 6etter (I understand that this is a triggering statement in and 9f itself), it is very rude and hyp9critical 9f me t9 attempt t9 delie6erately trigger my readers. Such tactics c9uld 6e c9nsidered 6ullying, which after a string 9f vari9us triggering incidents regarding 6ullies, led t9 a planet-wide witch hunt, if y9u will, (again, trigger warnings a69und even in this a6stract) and I d9 n9t c9nd9ne such practices even if they are d9ne in pursuit 9f justice. And n9w I shall say n9 m9re 9n this divergence fr9m the t9pic, in 9rder t9 refrain triggering any legislacerat9rs that happen t9 6e reading this p9st. Returning t9 the t9pic at hand, I pers9nally kn9w 9f 9nly 9ne such matesprit livng arrangement, wh9se pair shall n9t 6e menti9ned, as it may 6e a triggering revelati9n t9 any9ne wh9 may kn9w wh9 I am talking a69ut. All9w me t9 clarify a few 6its 9f inf9rmati9n that have p9tential t9 6ec9me facts, 6ased 9n my limited 96servati9ns 9f the still-happy c9uple and the recent study I have perused in preparati9n f9r writing this essay. A matespritship shared in the same hive is certainly much less 9f a pr96lematic living arrangement than a kissmesis 9f the same nature, (f9r th9se triggered 6y a such an admittedly 69ld claim, factual evidence will 6e 6r9ught up later 9n in the essay), and quadrant vacillati9n int9 a 6lack r9mance, while certainly pr96lematic f9r the c9uple, is actually quite unc9mm9n. H9wever, 9ne maj9r aspect 9f maintaining a l9ng term matespritship, whether rec9gnized 6y the dr9nes that request the c9uple t9 fill 6uckets each year 9r n9t, is the relati9ns 6etween each participant's lusii (9r, if y9u are triggered 6y such a term, lususes). The lusii/lususes may have diffculty getting al9ng with each 9ther, 9f c9urse varying 9n the individual species themselves, 6ut the situati9n gets especially pr96lematic when 9ne lusus kills 9r c9nsumes the weaker 9ne, as has 6een the case in a num6er 9f instances acc9rding t9 the study I have used as a s9urce f9r my arguements. M9re detail will 6e spent 9n this t9pic in later chapters 9f the essay. 6ut what I w9uld like t9 start with 9n this t9pic is n9t the idea 9f 9ne lusus 9verp9wering the 9ther, 6ut rather, 9ne matesprit 9verp9wering the 9ther while the tw9 are in such cl9se pr9ximity. I understand that this is such a triggering t9pic, the pr96lematic idea 9f a matesprit having false flushed feelings and instead using his 9r her matesprit f9r deli6erate manipulati9n (which is merely magnified, n9t instigated, 6y the tw9 9f them sharing a hive) 6ut if y9u, the reader 9f this essay, can 6are with me f9r a while, I h9pe that I can d9 my 6est t9 enlighten y9u 9n the af9rementi9ned t9pic, and h9pefully y9u will 6e c9mp9tent en9ugh t9 pr9cess this inf9rmati9n. 9therwise, feel free t9 c9nsult y9ur m9irail and leave this 6l9g if y9u have 6een triggered 6y this a6stract. If y9u d9 n9t, then y9u will find y9urself 9verwhelmed 6y many triggering t9pics, and I am n9t resp9nsi6le f9r y9ur p9ssi6le inappr9priate handling 9f them. And n9w the 69dy 9f the essay will c9mmence:

But our little social justice hero was promptly interrupted by someone that he pitied somewhat (but not in a flushed sense). But we know what happens: Cronus talks to Kankri, and Kankri goes in the Medium. This cycle's getting a bit dull, so we'll just go to Kurloz instead.

**. . . . .**

Kurloz arrived in the Land of Plains and Thunder (LOPAT). His half of the hive lay in the middle of an open field, full of tall grass that was constantly shaken around by the strong winds of the planet. The sky was almost always dark and covered in storm clouds, and Kurloz stared in awe at the lightning that flashed so close to him. Thunder was almost always booming in this planet. It and the wind were the only sounds he could hear. Just the way he liked it. A perfect place for the mirthful messiah to establish a private residence, if he wished to have a home that most visitors would be too frightened to visit. No imps were in sight, but the hive had to be fortified. He telepathically called to Meulin:

**LEIJON! CEASE YOUR PLAYFUR ANTICS AND RETURN TO OUR HIVE IMEDIATELY! THE MOTHERFUCKIN WALLS MUST BE FORTIFIED ON MY PLANET!**

**DON'T GET YOUR FUR IN A KNOT, MASTER! I WILL RETURN SHORTLY!**

Meulin was beginning to enjoy her world a little more. She had found that her consorts were these adorable little kitty cat sailors! And they would sell her stuff and she could shake their adorable little paws when the deal was made!

"Extra grist fur building will be furty boondollars!" the kitty merchant said to Meulin. How exactly she heard while technically deaf is a mystery that not even I, the author of this crappy fanfic, know. The building grist was only the latest thing she had bought under Kurloz's orders, right after she had bought the yarn balls and the chalk for her new shipping wall, as well as a life preserver and a pair of lifejackets, and also some fresh fish, which was obviously in abundance around here. Meulin capthalogued (what, did you think I wasn't going to be doing that in this story?) and went back to her hive to help Kurloz. That's not all that interesting, so we'll move on to Kankri trying to get Latula Pyrope in the Medium.

**. . . . .**

The troll in question was busy playing Trollo 4 (she couldn't help but notice that it had a different atmosphere than Trollo 3) when Kankri tried to troll her. He, with help from Mituna, had installed Trollian through Latula's gaming headset. (Kinda like the ones used for Xbox live.) Both of them had flushed feelings for her, and as such they usually took turns trying to ask her out while she was trying to get run over some grunbs on a Warthog.

**Critic of Generality (CG) began trolling Gaming Creationist (GC)**

GC: yo K4ns! wh4zzup! 4r3 you gonn4 try 4nd h1t on m3 or som3th1ng? :] 1 don't r34lly h4v3 4ny t1m3 for your fl1rts r1ght now, 1'm pl4y1n' th1s n3w r4d g4m3!

CG: I am n9t here t9 engage in futile flushed pursuits, Pyr9pe. I merely wish t9 inf9rm y9u that this is the very m9ment in which y9u must make all necessary arrangements t9 enter the Medium. Have y9u decided 9n what t9 pr9t9type? 6ef9re y9u 6egin, please tell me what it is; y9u sh9uld attempt t9 minimize any p9tential f9r triggering 6y d9ing s9; we can't aff9rd t9 leave a team mem6er incapacitated simply 6ecause they are triggered 6y what y9u pr9t9type. I w9uld refrain fr9m using a 6ucket, due t9 its 96vi9us...are y9u listening?

GC: uh, y34h, sur3, wh4t3vs! 1 4lr34dy d3c1d3d on som3th1ng! 1t's compl3t3ly tr1gg3r-fr33. 1t's just 4 toy!

CG: Very well, then. I 4m depl9ying the necessary c9mp9nents needed t9 6egin y9ur sessi9n. I wish y9u the 6est 9f luck in y9ur w9rld.

GC: 4ww, th4nks! but h4v3 you forgott3n how 4w3som3 1 4m 4t g4m3s? 1'll b34t 1t b3for3 you guys c4n 3v3n b34t th3 f1rst l3v3l!

CG: Judging fr9m what I see ar9und me (I am currently in the Medium as we speak), the game d9es n9t functi9n that way. Alth9ugh there d9 appear t9 6e gates 9f s9me s9rt that transp9rt y9u t9 vari9us areas ar9und the planet y9u are assigned, p9ssi6ly in 9rder t9 challenge the player 6ef9re they g9 thr9ugh the seventh gate and fight their denizen. I d9n't kn9w h9w sucessful each 9f us will 6e, 6ut I am certain that the c9mplexities 9f the game will 6e revealed t9 us in time. I have particular c9nfidence in Aranea, wh9 seems t9 have 6een end9wed with m9st 9f the kn9wledge 9f this game, fr9m 69th Meenah and her ancest9r, allegedly. 9f c9urse, 69th Aranea's and Meenah's ancest9rs are extremely pr96lematic individuals and are 69th very triggering, 6ut that is 6eside the p9int.

GC: wow, K4nkr1! 1 d1dn't th1nk you would b3 so 34g3r to d1sm1ss 4 top1c l1k3 th4t! ok, ttyl! ;]

CG: Excuse me, 6ut I can't say I'm familiar with the vari9us terms used 6y y9u and s9me 9ther individuals during sh9rthand 9nline c9mmunicati9n. Were y9u declaring that y9u had left just n9w...?


	5. Chapter 5

Meanwhile in the Medium, before Kankri could enter it, Mituna woke up on his world, the Land of Brain Matter and Synapses (LOBMAS). His hive was situated on top of an alternating red and blue landscape. The ground was wrinkled, resembling the cerebrum of the brain. The sky was pitch black, with no stars. Transparent blue trees that looked like nerves dotted the land, and occassionally an electric current would run from the ground to the top of the tree and fire into the air like a synapse. Mituna looked out as his world in interest. He decided to tell Cronus about it, and perhaps ask him what his world looked like:

**Unorthodox Advancement (UA) began trolling Critical Appearifier (CA)**

UA: My world is very strange. It's like it's made of brains. I'm walking around right now (I prototyped my laptop as my sprite, so I can just say what I want to type) and it's like I'm walking on someone's brain and giving them a concussion or something! #8D

CA: sounds disturbing. vwhat's vwith the emoticon?

UA: Does nobody like it? Jegus...but to answer your question, no, it's actually quite beautiful. I think it's meant to reflect me somewhat. Quiet, empty, lonely, beautiful, forlorn.

CA: okay, novw you're just being a shovwoff!

UA: Heh heh heh...a shovwoff? Anyway, how's yours?

CA: a little more exciting. it's just vwhat i could vwant! it's some kind of upper class neighborhood, just like the one i liwved in back home. only less vwet and so much nicer! there are these things-i think they called themselwves consorts or something-called humans, and they like all the same stuff i like! vwell, the other seadwellers did too, but these people actually LISTEN to my vworks! and they hawve the best coffee and they all create this neat poems and songs and art and they're just avwesome! oh, and there seem to be cawves full of jade! i'm thinking on calling the place the Land of Jade and Prosperity (LOJAP)

UA: What did I tell you about this place? Screw Beforus, we have our own worlds now to rule as gods!

CA: hell. fucking. yes!

UA: Eight exclamation marks? You better get Aranea on here! Did you accidentally tell me your current crush?

CA: i dunno. vwhy don't you tell me why your last setence had 8 words, hmm?

UA: Damn, you got me! #8D Looks like I'm head over heels for Serket!

CA: as your friend, i'm teling you novw to ditch that emote.

UA: Affirmative! Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go find Latula in her world. This place is all tons of depressing, now that I've looked at it for more than five minutes.

CA: good luck vwith that, bro. dB (it's supposed to be a fistbump! at least that's vwhat the humans said it vwas.)

UA: Oh, and my emotes suck, huh?

Mituna deactivated his sprite and alchemized some stuff for his journey into Latula's world. He combined his thermal hull and a disc of some old computer program he had installed sweeps ago to make the Data Freezer! This cold and lightweight bag froze any discs, whether for a game or a CD or whatever, in a protective layer of ice to keep them from getting scratched. They could only be thawed out with Mituna's next item: the Burnin Beam! He just combined his radiation rotary compound (microwave) and one of those goofy laserpointers annoying little kids always shine in people's eyes to make a laserpointer that would thaw out the discs for use. Both items were needed together. Mituna shook his head in amusement, wondering why he had made the items work in a pair. Was he about to get some sort of duality theme going on? His moirails nor his flushed crush would approve!

Using the Data Freezer, Mituna transferred all of the codes he could find related to Sgrub from a suspicious source (aka Rose's walkthrough, which was/is a temporal constant) and put them in discs. The weird language was difficlut to comprehend, but he simply translated the whole thing first to binary and then to Troll to solve the problem. After he had finished the translation, he sent it to all the other trolls to use. When all that was done he put the discs in the Data Freezer to give to Latula. There were so many codes and so many options with which to make items, she would have to be impressed. He would be her primary source of cheat codes! And what sort of girl didn't love cheat codes?

Mituna didn't need any weapons. He had his Psy Kind, and so he could just send psychic waves at the enemies, or toss them aside with his psychic powers, or overwhelm them with mental energy so that they just up and died! But that last move usually made him feel a little dizzy, so he wouldn't use that one often. Mituna jumped out of his hive from the balcony and sprinted across the plains, his lusus and sprite hot on his heels. He could inexplicably sense where the gate that led to Latula's hive was. (explanation not available!) Imps with wierd circles on their foreheads, purple shorts, and a gray t-shirt with a keyboard printed on it were coming at him from all directions, but Mituna simply focused his mind and delivered a powerful psychic blast to the imps in front of him.

Laptopsprite fired a few beams from its screen at the imps, and the two headed lusus plowed through the imps that tried to lunge at Mituna from behind. As Mituna's hive faded away in the distance, a few basilisks appeared from underground. Mituna's lusus got a hold of some and wringed their necks, killing them almost instantly. The Biclops helped picked up the grist where the dead bodies had been. Mituna finally saw the gate hovering above him. But of course, 3 ogres were just right there, ready to spoil everything. They were too big and too stupid to damage telekinetically, and they were all about Biclops' height. Mituna's lusus grabbed one of them and shoved it to the ground but the other two kicked Laptopsprite and stomped on Mituna, respectively. Biclops (Mituna's lusus, for clarification) acted fast when it saw that its troll was in trouble. It touched the damaged Laptopsprite to fuse with it and become Lapclopsprite! Basically just a yellow laptop with two cyclops heads on the screen. The powered up sprite fired twin beams of red and blue (of course) from its screen, and two of the ogres were killed almost instantly. Mituna hurled an unconcious imp at the remaining one to finally knock it out. Mituna collected the grist, and when he was done his new sprite suddenly transformed again into a pendant so that he wouldn't have to have it following around him 24/7. Mituna gathered all his energy and jumped into the gate, entering Latula's world.

**. . . . .**

Meanwhile, Latula herself was trolling Porrim Maryam:

**Gamer Creationist (GC) began trolling Gender=Advocate (GA)**

GC: yo, wh4t up m4ry4ms! (1'd h4v3 b3tt3r n1ckn4m3s 1f 1 kn3w how to pronounc3 your n4m3) :]

GA: Hello+, Pyro+pe. If yo+u're asking abo+ut the Amarzo+n video+ game yo+u were so+ kind in lending me...I never actually go+t the chance to+ play it.

GC: h3ll no! forg3t 4bout th4t, 1'v3 got 4 g4m3 much b3tt3r now! 1t's t1m3 to pl4y sgrub yo!

GA: I see. Kanny give yo+u any tro+ble?

GC: n4w. h3 just k3pt go1ng on 4nd on 4bout not tr1gg3r1ng 4nybody. but 1t's cool, c4us3 th3 pl4sm4 p1stol 1'm prototyp1ng's just 4 toy! 1t's tr1gg3r do3sn't work!

GA: O+h, I see wh4t yo+u did there. Hahahaha! Vantas will be so+ triggered by that!

GC: tot4lly! ;]

GA: But o+n a mo+re serio+us no+te, he is already in the Medium, co+rrect?

GC: r1ght on!

GC: Go+o+d. As much as he gets o+n my nerves so+metimes, with his deliberate disregard fo+r the o+ne type o+f so+cial justice I'm co+ncerned abo+ut while hypo+critically viewing all the o+thers so+ eagerly...I can't stand it when he's in a bad situatio+n.

GC: 4ww, th4t's re4l sw33t of you! do you h4v3, l1k3, 4 p4l3 th1ng for h1m :?

GA: Po+ssibly. But it's o+f no+ impo+rtance. I suppo+se my quadrants shall always be a revo+lving do+o+r. Darn my co+ncern!

GC: no, Porr1m, 1 th1nk 1t's gr34t you got m4d lusus worry1n' sk1lls! m1ght com3 1n h4ndy 1n th3 gam3, n3v3r know.

GA: As much o+f a stereo+type as that so+unds, I wo+uldn't be surprised if the game thrust maternal duties upo+n me.

GC: uh, y34h. t1p for y4: wh3n you'r3 us1n your qu1rk 4nd you w4nn4 s4y som3th1ng w1th "ot" 4t th3 3nd just s4y o+ 1nst34d of o+t.

GA: So+, stereo+ype instead of stereo+type? So+unds go+o+d to+ me. But to+ get back to+ the o+riginal discussio+n, is everything Meenah said abo+ut the game true? Ho+me will be go+ne?

GC: fr41d so. th4t's wh4t sh3 s41d to 3v3ryon3 but sp1d3rg1rl. sh3 d1dn't know how sh3'd h4ndl3 1t :[

GA: Well then, o+ur wasted time has just run o+ut. See yo+u so+o+n!

GC: k33p 1n touch on th3 oth3r s1d3, b4b3! ;]

After installing the disc, Porrim calmly rose searched her room for something that those chauvinist imps couldn't possibly use as a weapon. Aha! She found an old quilt that she had made for herself to add to her bed during the winter months. It was black with her astrological sign sewn onto it. How could the imps use something so peaceful and symbolic to various rustic works of literature to their advantage?

What she had forgotten was that where there was a troll, there was a way.

That's right. Now the imps (and all the others) were no longer just ordinary imps: they were super imps with plasma pistols!

Speaking of which, how were things on Prospit and Derse? How would the carapacians handle the prototypings? More importantly, how would Jack Noir handle the prototypings? Meh, we can figure that out later.

**. . . . .**

Kankri was in the Land of Temples and Ruins (LOTAR). He would've arrived earlier, but he ended up hours behind Cronus because it took him a long time to do just about anything, even if he was timed. By the time he had prototyped a harmless pair of reading glasses into the kernalsprite, Latula and Porrim had already prototyped their things and entered the Medium before him, even though he was supposed to have already gone in by now. (There; time shenanagins solved!) Luckily, his kernalsprite had taken an exceptionally long time to count down in order for him to scroll through the copy of Rose's translated walkthrough from Mituna, jot down a bunch of notes, and give an official farewell to all of his blog's loyal followers (all 2 of them.) The moment he arrived he saw that he was in a rocky land overlooking the ocean to the south, with forests to the east and west, and a mountain range to the north. In fact, the whole place looked almost exactly like another setting that was seen in another, now scrapped fanfic. Kankri hiked up his pants and stepped outside to explore his world. Across the beach there lay several stone structures that looked like they had once been part of a temple covered in moss that testified to an ancient (and Greco-Roman in nature) society. Kankri immediately noticed that there were a few imps playing around the destroyed temple. They didn't notice him at first, but then one of the imps did something that triggered him: it peed on the stone!

Kankri, not one usually prone to anger, unlike a certain other Vantas, went back into his hive and alchemized a weapon. He combined a blunt knife (sharp ones could trigger hiveguests with suicidal or homocidal tendencies) with a razor blade (sometimes Kankri's hair just grew so long to the point of triggering) to make the Sharp Knife! (Yeah, Kankri's not too good at the whole weapons-making thing. Maybe some other trolls could help him?)

"Excuse me! Y9u there! I usually d9n't res9rt t9 vi9lence, 6ut if y9u c9ntinue urinating 9n th9se ruins I will 6e triggered int9 d9ing s9!" Kankri yelled weakly. The imps went over to him, confused by his weird words, particularly the word "urinate".

"G99d. N9w that y9u are all gathered here, I 6elieve we sh9uld discuss pr9per etiquette regarding the care 9f ancient artifacts. If y9u will all wait f9r just a m9ment s9 that I can print 9ut an essay I have retrieved 9n the su6ject, I will 6e 6ack sh9rtly and we can 6egin the lecture. Please refrain fr9m asking questi9ns until I am d9ne." And with that, Kankri went to go print out his long, boring essay. But when he had gotten back from printing his 69 page essay on the topic of ruin desecration, he found that the imps had grown tired of waiting around and were proceeding to tear down his hive with their ugly claws. Kanrki gasped in shock and brandished the incredibly weak knife. Just before his battle began, though, he had a vision: He was yelling and screaming at the imps, but they were basically shooting the crap out of him with their plasma pistols. They didn't even have to charge up a shot! Then a basilisk's creepy and eternally smiling face came and swallowed the vision cloud (a totally real thing) whole. When Kankri came to, he saw that the imps had now reverted to a patient demeanor and were waiting on him. Ignoring the vision he had 5 seconds ago, he charged.

The fight basically went just the way I described. Except instead of digesting Kankri, the basilisk spat him back out in the middle of the woods so that the other enemies could finish destroying his hive while he wasted his time trying to find his way back. Since Cronus, his sever player, was too busy hitting on Aranea to notice, a certain hyperactive Felt member decided to step in.

**heyanamesitchyiseeyouneedhelpwelljustletmehandleverythinforyagoforwardtakealeftattheappletreetakearightgopasttheriverandfollowthecoastlineandyoushouldgetbackbeforetheywrecktheplaceifyou'relucky!**

Kankri was obviously confused by this rapid voice in his head. He didn't know that it was Itchy, a Felt member who had basically given him instructions on how to get out of the forest and back to his hive.

"I'm n9t entirely sure wh9 y9u are, 6ut I need t9 warn y9u that talking fast can lead t9 triggering 9f certain inviduals. Pers9nally, I have had n9 experience with tr9lls with this trigger, 6ut 9ne can never 6e t9 sure..."

**boringchatandexpospedupcourtesyofitchy!** Basically, Itchy fast-forwarded through time to ignore Kankri's speech about triggers and replayed his instructions a little bit more slowly. It was just slow enough for Kankri to comprehend, and he managed to get back to his hive. The reading glasses sprite had destroyed all the imps for him, robbing him of any progress he could have made on his echeladder.

Aren't you glad Itchy showed up, reader? Who knows how long that whole sub-plot could have taken if he hadn't been there to speed it up!


	6. Chapter 6

Meanwhile, Porrim took the time to inform Horuss (how unfortunate that she got the Zahak! One could almost say it was sexist!) that it was time to begin the game:

**Gender Advocate (GA) began trolling Uncensored Terror (UT)**

GA: Ho+russ, are yo+u there?

Answer me, yo+u gro+tesque excuse fo+r a tro+ll! It's time to+ start Sgrub!

UT: 8==D Your jade b100d prevents you from e%claiming a more appropriate insult, not that one in which one in your position on the hemospectrum could thoroughly insult one of mine e%ists, anyway.

8==D One could even counter and say that your bizarre sub-proletariat manner of dress is e%cruciatingly qrotes%. But the truth is that it is only somewhat so, and to e%aggerate like that would be very r00d.

GA: Thanks, I guess. Since yo+u're o+bvio+usly co+mmitted to+ this generally male-do+minated hemo+spectrum thing, I'm go+ing to+ humbly implo+re yo+u, rather than just ask yo+u...

What the hell is with the emo+e?

UT: 8==D It is my face. Or at least, what my face would surely look like if my true destiny as a hoofbeast is ever fully realized.

GA: It just lo+o+ks like alien genitals to+ me.

UT: 8=D It seems that not even a jade b100d can recognize the beauty of the musclebeast face when it trots into view. How disappointing.

GA: With a hemo+pho+bic and sexist attitude like that, yo+u wo+n't last a week in the game! Just get ready and pro+o+ype something.

UT: 8====D Very well. I have just thought of something that will be e%cellent for this situation. Hold on to your reins of irritation while I saddle up a suitable musclebeast.

GA: No+! Whatever yo+u use to+ pro+o+ype with, the enemies o+f the game will get it, to+o+. I tried using a simple quilt I had sewn, and guess what happened? They used them as capes, and no+w thanks to+ me they can all fly!

UT: 8==D How amusing! Naturally, an almost e%c100sively female class as yours would be so f00lish-or perhaps I should say foalish-to believe that your se% was incapable of causing grevious damage to the game e%posited to us by Aranea and the Empress. But no matter. I, an unoffical epitome of troll ma%culinity, will not st00p further to degrade you. I mean your p00r de%ision.

GA: Epito+me o+f masculinity?! Ugh! Yo+u will never have a female matespirt, I can gurantee yo+u that!

Porrim logged off in anger, the message delivered. That stupid horse-obsessed freak! How dare he mock her just for being a girl, and a few notches down on the hemospectrum! If Kankri really cared about social justice, she thought, he would have done something about this sort of thing!

And yet, he called himself the epitome of masculinity...he truly embodied it. The stupid goofy smile, his alleged "STRENGTH" which prevented him from supposedly grasping any object without those fancy gauntlets of his, the two pointy horns that so flamboyantly displayed his place on the hemospectrum, his creepy musclebeast fetish...there were so many reasons Porrim felt were valid enough to wish for his death. Better yet, be responsible for it.

**. . . . .**

Horuss installed the client disc. But before prototyping, Horuss decided to have one last chat with a certain bull-horned troll:

**Uncensored Terror (UT) began trolling Aztlan's Underling (AU)**

UT: 8==D Rufioh!

8==D I am here!

8==D Ru-Fi-Oh!

AU: heheheh...1t's always k1nda funny when you say 1t l1ke that! but ser1ously, what's up bro?

UT: 8==D I here to tell you that this is the moment we take our journey into the game. I would like for us to do so together. You shall be my steed, and I yours!

AU: sure th1ng! 1'll just 1nstall the cl1ent d1sc th1ngy that Serket kept talk1ng about...

and talk1ng and talk1ng and talk1ng...jegus, 1 just real1zed how thankful 1 should be for hav1ng someone who doesn't make long w1nded speeches!

UT: 8==D Indeed. The cerulean swill she has comes with so many genetic def%.

AU: aw, come on man, what d1d 1 say about stuff l1ke that? 1t don't matter to me what color your blood 1s, long as you got a good heart deep down! and 1'm pretty sure Aranea has someth1ng l1ke that!

UT: 8===D Oh, Rufioh, I have much to learn about your lowb100ded mindset. Your manners are so serene, as if you were a gentle old musclebeast in a pasture that allows even the lowliest wiggler to ride it without bucking them off.

UT: 8=====D Buck is such a lovely word, don't you think?

AU: oh no...

UT: 8========D The mere thought of the sensation of bucking off an unruly rider is so strangely...e%hilarating!

AU: stop 1t, dude! calm down!

UT: 8==========D~~~~~Ah, yes! The feeling is making me sweat! (What you see is the sweat dripping from my face.)

AU: yeah, okay. shouldn't you be work1ng on the game or someth1ng?

UT: 8=D Yes. Perhaps that would be best. I have, after all, already installed the client di%. I should have prototyped something by now, but the jade b100d insisted that a musclebeast of some sort would not do, as it would undoutedly give the enemeis of the game the power of the musclebeast.

AU: well...Meenah was gonna get her wr1ggl1ng day on pretty soon...maybe some of that useless junk you bought a wh1le back to try and bake her cake'll come 1n handy. 1 mean, what could they do w1th a cake?

UT: 8==D Yes, I recall that cake! It is in the oven right now.

AU: you mean the burn1ng chamber?

UT: 8==D As much as I love you, Rufioh, I simply cannot use your lowb100ded slang. Please forgive me.

AU: that's cool. wa1t, how long has that th1ng been 1n the oven?

UT: 8==D Around 12 hours. Why?

AU: sh*t...go 1n your resp1ite block, NOW!

Horuss naturally did as his flushed crush ordered him to. Sure enough, the whole damn room was on fire, and his lusus was scorched. The fire hadn't been hot enough to burn down the iron doors that led into the room, so although this room was pretty much an inferno, the rest of the hive was ine%plicably okay.

Horuss was too shocked to move. The fire was already starting to get on his clothes, and when he tried to turn back, he found that he had stupidly set the doors to lock behind him. (if his doors were just simple wooden slabs instead of comple% machines, this wouldn't have been a problem!)

But just as the fire grew enough strength to consume Horuss in its flamey-ness, a tall green creature in a green tux appeared. It was Matchsticks! He had a fire extinguisher in his hands, and he extinguished the flames. Horuss, to grateful to speak, stood aside as Matchsticks took the fire extinguisher and put it on the kernal sprite. Porrim had placed everything outside because she didn't want to see what was in Horuss' hive. When Horuss had used the totem lathes on the Alchemiter, he was instructed to sculpt a musclebeast out of indigo clay. Horuss frantically tried to get the hooves perfect as the meteor approached.

"Doesn't have to be perfect, kid," said the green creature. "Just make the thing so we can get out of here!"

"8==D No! I must not fail the test assigned to me by neglecting to give my best effort!"

The meteor was getting very close now. In about 30 seconds it would crash. Matchsticks sighed, motioned over to E%tinguisprite, and the blunt object in sprite form bonked Horuss on the head. He fell unconcious, and Matchsticks finished the sculpture by making a rather ugly looking horse head to go with the e%quisite work of art ugly naked horse man thing. Horuss' hive, himself, and his sprite disappeared into the Medium, but Matchsticks ran for cover as the meteor crashed. Seconds after impact, the meteor had started a few small fires. Perfect. Matchsticks entered the flames and disappeared.

**. . . . .**

I could show you where Horuss ended up, but how about we check on Porrim instead? She and her hive landed in the middle of a swamp. The sun shone only in patches through the thick trees of the marsh, and all around her Porrim heard the sounds of buzzing insects and croaking frogs, essentially making this planet the Land of Bogs and Frogs (LOBAF).

The jadeblood looked outside with disgust. "Ho+w am I suppo+sed to+ get thro+ugh this swamp witho+ut getting my clo+hes wet?" she said aloud. She searched her closet and found a pair of dark green boots and matching umbrella, in the off chance that something tried to splash her and she had time to block it before getting wet. She hated getting wet more than she hated Horuss at the moment. But before leaving the hive she realized that she'd need a weapon. She found that Mituna had sent her a walkthrough and read it. She used the codes she had found to make the Penguin's Bane, an umbrella with a built-in harpoon! Finally, she headed out. Naturally, the whole thing took about 30 minutes, because you know how long ladies are at getting ready to go ou-never mind, Porrim's giving me an angry look and pointing the Penguin's Bane at me. Please don't fire that thing at me, Porrim!

**. . . . .**

Horuss, having barely escaped the fire, found himself and his hive in the Land of Towers of Steel (LOTAS). It was an entirely metal planet; the there was no soil underneath the metal ground, which Horuss found out after pulling some of the metal plating off. Just a bunch of wires and tubes, like the whole thing was some kind of living machine. Tall towers (wait, wouldn't those be considered phallic objects?!) also made entirely of steel and iron dotted the otherwise flat landscape. The imps Horus wasted no time making weapons or chatting with friends. He just went straight outside with his lusus, Buster, a musclebeast-like creature a head taller than Equius' would be. Horuss hopped on bare-back, already clad in armor he had built himself, made of some bizarre fictitious metal that was both sturdy and flexible.

"8==D Giddyup, my steed!" Horuss cried. Buster obeyed, charging and trampling the imps at full speed. A few were lucky enough to take to the air before the pair reached them, but most of them were turned to grist before they could even blink in surprise. Buster galloped at full speed to one of the metal towers, and when they were close enough Horuss STRONG jumped through the window. What he didn't count on were the below-ground floors of the tower that led deep into the mechanized core of the planet. The way down was a spiral staircase with no railings, and Horuss had jumped over all of that and was now plummeting down to the bottom of the tower, however far down that ended up being. But E%tinguisprite had other plans. It appeared from out of nowhere (don't you just love how sprites are always there for you?) and sprayed that weird flame-e%tinguishing material in a massive tower far below Horuss to try and catch him. After falling about 100 more feet, the white stuff did its work, and Horuss found himself nestled in a big pile of it.

"8=D Fiddlestic%. Pardon my language, faithful sprite, but it seems that my headSTRONGNESS nearly put me out to the pasture. How am I to get back up?"

**"Yes, if only you had some way..."**

"8==D Who spea%?" Horuss asked.

**"Name's Sawbuck, lad. I've been assigned to help you."**

"8==D A construct of the game, then?" Horuss guessed.

**"Not quite, but you're close to the target, boy! But that's neither here nor there. Step out of that comfy white prison. It's unbecoming of a stallion such as yourself,"** Sawbuck said, deliberately attempting to appeal to Horuss' musclebeast sensitivites. Horuss obeyed and looked around. He had fallen a long way down, but he could still see the railings that led even further.

8==D I believe I can journey back upwards. Than%, but your help will not be needed," Horuss said to Sawbuck.

**"Easy there, lad! Remember what happened the last time you listened to yourself? I can give you a shortcut. Stay right where you are for a second."** Seconds later, a blue badge the same color as Horuss' blood with a ten on it appeared on the stairs of the railing. Horuss jumped over to the stairs from his tower of white and e%amined it.

**"That badge, so long as you wear it, will allow you to use the power of the void to transport yourself to some random place on the planet. The trigger is to harm yourself. I suppose a strong boy like you is willing to perform the task?"**

"8==D If that is what is needed, I shall do it," Horuss replied confidently, having full trust in Sawbuck. Horuss punched himself in the face after putting on the badge, and he found himself tumbling backwards into darkness.

And then he found himself back in his hive, Buster standing over him with conern.

"8==D Hello, Buster. Why do you look at me with such an unusually long face, even for a musclebeast with a face as long as yours?"

**"That's because you just came out of the ceiling of your hive, boy! This first time you got lucky, but next time you might end up in a completely random place! Quite a bad fix on a planet where everything looks the same. But if you should harness the power of the void, perhaps you'll be able to have some control over where you go. Maybe then you won't need the badge! But for now, keep it. It'll come in handy."**

"8==D Than%, Saw-buck?" Horuss replied, beginning to sweat.


	7. Chapter 7

And now that leaves us with that one troll that people dislike even more than Cronus...Damara. For the sake of simplicity and laziness, I'm not doing her weird fake Japanese text. It's just gonna be normal Engrish for her! Maybe with some parentheses?

Rufioh logged off his computer just seconds before Damara walked in the room. Unlike Kurloz and Meulin, they weren't sharing a hive, but they were both about a rope bridge away from each other.

"hey, doll. glad 1 found you. 1t's apparently t1me to start the game! to be honest, 1'd be pretty bummed about leav1ng 1f you weren't com1ng w1th me...you are do1ng that, r1ght?"

"(Yes, Rufioh. I will be coming with you, but we will each go to seperate worlds. What will you prototype into the kernalsprite?)"

"dunno. gotta be someth1n' lame though, r1ght? someth1n' totally harmless. oh, 1 know! a f1duspawn host plush! that'll be pretty weak, unless somebody lays eggs 1n'em! but that could never happen!"

"(Yes, it sounds like a good choice,") Damara said. Natruallly, you are suspicious since she was the one that said it but Rufioh isn't.

"bangarang! d*mn, 1'm gonna m1ss th1s place...remember all the flarp1ng, and the f1duspawn matches, and the troll an1me?"

"(I will always cherish the time we have spent together, Rufioh, but now it is time to go on a new adventure on our own.)"

"yeah. see you 1n the Med1um, then?"

"(Yes, see you then.)" Damara gave Rufioh a hug and left his hive, but she didn't go back to her own. She wanted outside for a while until Rufioh came out.

"cr*p! 1'm out of f1duspawn plush1es! you probably have some, don't you! 1'm gonna go check your h1ve, 1f you don't m1nd?"

"(Feel free to do so.)" Damara said. Everything that she had to hide wasn't in her hive. While Rufioh was away she went back into his hive and logged onto Trollian as him. She found the previous conversation that Rufioh had with Horuss.

Like you, she was repulsed and disgusted. She went back to previous conversations and saw that this wasn't just one incident. It was official; the two were matesprits. (Well, maybe not, but we'll find out in the future.)

Jealousy burned inside of Damara. How could her dear Rufioh abandon her for this grotesque excuse for a troll? Why would he leave her like this? What had she done to him? What had he done to seduce him? (The mere thought of Horuss seducing someone should only be brought up fleetingly.) A voice in her head told her that revenge was the best means of retribution.

She brought out a thin white wand from her specibus and pointed it at Tinkerbull, who was sleeping in a small nest of straw that Rufioh had made for him. One quiet shot, and Tinkerbull was dead. No wound, no mess. Rufioh was too innocent- and too ignorant-to connect the dots.

But she wasn't done. Damara took a deep breath and thought about how she had abandoned. How she had been betrayed. She thought of how everyone was doomed, doomed to play this game. No amount of cleverness and cunning could help them escape. And finally, Damara thought of her destiny as the Handmaid.

And she began to cry. She cried for herself, she cried for the lusus she just killed out of jealousy, she cried for Rufioh, and she cried for everyone else. Feeling sorrow was the only way she could fight back against the dark power that was always speaking to her, even before she had even heard of Sgrub. But it hardly did any damage to an invincible time lord.

She ran to Rufioh and swore she had no idea what had happened. Rufioh fell for it, and the two of them began to cry. But while he was crying only for his lusus, she was crying out of heartbreak and sorrow. The dark red and light brown tears mixed into a swirl on the floor. Damara opened her eyes for a moment and saw how disgusting it looked. She kissed Rufioh on the cheek, making sure to remember everything, and said:

"(We should begin now. We can't let...setbacks stop us. When you get into the Medium, take Tinkerbull's body and put it in the Fidusprite.")

"so, he's not dead for good? doll, 1 sure hope you're r1ght!" Rufioh said, drying his tears. He went right to work on making the totem lathes and getting the punch cards. Damara left to do the same.

"hey, why were you crying 1f you knew T1nkerbull's gonna be f1ne?" Rufioh asked.

Damara didn't answer. Rufioh ignored it and went to work.

**. . . . .**

Minutes later, the two of them were in the Medium. Damara woke up to find her hive, with half of the rope bridge taken with it, on the top of the face of what appeared to be a giant pocket watch. All around her she could see various time pieces floating in the air, all of them apparently fully functional since they were all set to the current time on the planet. 2:45 PM. But one couldn't tell from the sky; it was completely black, just like on Mituna's world. Aside from all the clocks floating in the air, there wasn't much ground to stand on. It was then that she received a message from the Big Bad himself:

**WITCH, SEND THE LAST PLAYER IN. DO NOT DISOBEY ME.**

Damara did as she was told, logging on to Trollian and contacting Meenah. Outside of the window of her hive, she could see a basilisk far off in the distance, its cape allowing it to fly effortlessly. From where she was looking, it seemed like neither the Fiduspawn plush nor what she had prototyped-a simple music box-really had any effect. But Damara didn't give it any thought as she spoke to Meenah:

**Armegido Associate (AA) began trolling Cetaceous Catastrophe (CC)**

AA: (It's time to begin the game. Prototype and go.)

CC: sorry can't reely understand the accent swim that by me again

AA: (Prototype the damn sprite! What else could I be bothering you for, incompotent seadweller?!)

CC: water you sayin now

AA: aw forget it i guess you're just here to tell me it's time

CC: well cool it megido i'm settin' up

p-typin a dumb ol' empty fish bowl

no way in shell they gonna find a way to use that

kay see ya.

Damara logged out, satisfied. She saw that a bridge appeared jutting out from the pocket watch her hive was on, as well as few others connecting her some of the other clock faces. She quickly realized that in order to have full access to this world, she would have to keep doing what the voice in her head ordered.

**NOW DO YOU SEE THE BENEFITS OF OBEYING MY COMMANDS?**

**. . . . .**

Since Meenah is pretty much the coolest troll in this story, we're gonna show what happened when she got ready for her session and where she ended up. Meenah placed the fishbowl on the kernalsprite, making the Fishbowlsprite (not a very exciting sprite). After making her totem lathes, Meenah quickly went over to the Alchemiter and alchemized them. A giant squid that was inexplicably capable of flight appeared. Meenah got out her 2X3dent from her sylladex and hurled it straight into the creature's eye. You'd think that'd kill it, but nope! The squid stretched out his tentacles and grabbed Meenah, the 2X3dent still lodged in its eye. Meenah wrested free of its grip, grabbed the weapon, and leaped up to the creature's head. The squid knocked her off, sending her crashing to the ground. Meenah quickly got up and held the trident in front of her and charged at the squid as it opened its mouth wide to consume her.

Just as the squid's mouth enclosed Meenah, she was taken into the Medium.

Meenah and her entire glorious hive mansion, which I won't bother going into details about because it really isn't that special to anyone besides her, landed at the bottom of the sea in the Land of Murk and Depths (LOMAD). This entire planet was a vast ocean, very cold and very dark. But it was perfect for Meenah! She immediately swam outside, filling her gills with fresh, pure hydrogen oxide not breathed by any other troll before her. It was a dream come true, Meenah thought as she surveyed the massive deep-sea creatures swimming above her. A whole undersea kingdom to herself, with no one to bother her! But Meenah frowned when she realized the downsides to this: no one to rule over, no one to praise her, no one to build statues of her likeness. Just an endless sea of darkness.

Meenah was about to search for her gate when some imps appeared from out of nowhere, all of them wearing fishbowls as helmets so that they could swim. They didn't have capes or fire extinguishers because those are like, so completely useless underwater.

"Aw glub. Guess helmets were a bad idea," Meenah said to herself as she aimed her 2X3dent at one of them. The weapon simply bounced off the imp, not harming it in the slightest. Meenah caught it and stopped it from drifting around, but before she could try and use it to defend herself one of the imps shot her with its pistol. The plasma shot did extra damage to her because they were underwater. Just go with me on this one. Meenah, in pain, stabbed her trident into the the imp that had shot her, aiming for its body rather than its head. This did the trick, and the imp turned to grist. The other imps in the area swam away.

"Don't come back now, )-(EAR?!" Meenah called out. From this little scuffle she realized that her world might be a little bit tougher than everyone else's, what with the deadlier plasma pistols and protected heads of the imps. She was going to try and see if she could get dinner on by killing one of the giant eels above when Fishbowlsprite swam up in front of her. It beckoned her to follow it away from her hive. Meenah shrugged and followed.

"Batter take me someplace good," Meenah said, "Else I'll have to axe somebody else for kelp. Get me?" The sprite ignored her, not realizing just whose presence it was in.

And neither of them noticed the green cursor that was dragging agitating a slumbering squid resting at the bottom of the ocean floor.


	8. Chapter 8

And now let's jump back a little timeline-wise and see where Rufioh is, shall we? His small tree hive and part of the rope bridge leading to Damara's next to it came with him into the Medium. Initially, Rufioh wasn't concerned with anything besides seeing Tinkerbull again. He immediately grabbed Tinkerbull, held it close to his chest, and then made it touch the Fidusprite. The two merged, and the result was Tinkerbull...no, wait, Fiduspull...? No. How about just Fidusprite with Tinkerbull in it? In any case, it looked like a Fiduspan host plush with Tinkerbull's head. Which just made it even cuter!

"bangarang! you're back, t1nkerbull!" Rufioh cried, giving his lusus another hug. Gee, Rufioh has been giving and receiving a lot of hugs lately, hasn't he? Turning to look outside his hive, he found that he was in a forest full of trees with brown bark and green leaves, much weirder looking than normal Beforan trees with blue bark and pink leaves. He glanced briefly at the portion of the rope bridge that had come with him to this place, the Land of Woods and Creatures (LOWAC). He turned to Fidusprite for guidance. It snorted when it saw Rufioh looking at where Damara had been.

"why are you so mad at meg1do? 1f she hadn't been there, 1 may not of known about what happened to you t1l after 1 came here!" Fidusprite snorted again more defiantly.

"aw, come on, she doesn't have a wh1te wand! 1 th1nk you just never l1ked her, 1s that 1t? you're just upset because 1'm all grown up now, 1s that it? don't worry, t1nkerbull, you're st1ll gonna be a b1g part of my l1fe. but now other people have entered 1t, too, and...to be honest 1 don't know how to deal w1th 1t all." Fidusprite turned back to Rufioh.

"1 l1ke Damara. and we've known each other for so long now. but there's also Horuss...he means a lot to me, too. 1 know 1t's d1ff1cult to understand, but we've bonded over the past sweep or so. remember that one t1me 1 went out to see the rest of Beforus? the f1rst troll 1 met 1n sweeps outs1de of the lost weaboos was h1m. when 1 was be1ng chased by a few dudes who thought 1 was some k1nd of fr*ak, he was the one that rescued me. he taught me how to defend myself aga1nst the haters, someth1ng Damara couldn't do. every n1ght 1 went out of the woods to see h1m, and he tra1ned me to be stronger and more powerful, the way 1 am now. and 1 guess he 1s a l1ttle we1rd, but 1 try to look past that. he saved my l1fe, wh1ch someth1ng that Damara never d1d. 1f 1 could have both of them, 1 would. but 1 can only have one. and so 1 guess 1 choose Horuss."

Fidusprite gave a low grunt and nuzzled its head against Rufioh's cheek. There was no way it could make him understand, and so the sprite hid buried itself in the folds of Rufioh's jacket. Rufioh could commune with virtually any lower lifeform, but when it came to Tinkerbull he could only guess as to what he was talking about. Tinkerbull thought about how ironic that was a troll who could talk to anyone and understand them, even Damara, except for the one person that actually knew what was really best for him.

Tinkerbull thought to itself that if it could only say one thing to Rufioh, it would be "You are better off alone." Horuss was harmless, but he was too self-absorbed and rude to be a good matesprit. And Damara had an ulterior motive of some sort; why else had she killed Tinkerbull? Rufioh could certainly take care of himself now, thanks to the efforts of these two others, but when it came to matters of the heart he just charged headfirst into whatever direction his instinct told him to.

In that matter he was as stubborn as a hornbeast. (You were expecting me to say bull, weren't you?)

**. . . . .**

Jack Noir: Handle prototypings.

You are now Jack Noir, and you do so with much enjoyment, strangely enough. The shorts are loose and comfortable, and so is the shirt. You actually kind of like the cape, the way it drapes around when you turn dramatically. The fact that it's black is a plus. And you never let that plasma pistol out of your sight. It's a loyal weapon, even though you've only had it for a few minutes now. Wait, what's that noise?

Jack: Resist the urge to sweep your cape when you turn around dramatically.

You fail to resist the urge, and your cape knocks off all the paperwork on your desk.

Turns out the noise was Courtyard Droll crashing to the floor after trying to fly. He's handling the prototypings okay, but not as good as you can. He's okay with the plasma pistol, but that's just about the only weapon you can trust him with. And as you've just seen, he's graceless at flying around. But at least practice should keep him from getting into a fit about the fact that no hats have been prototyped so far. Good thing the other prototypes didn't do much. Still, it was a little weird how the shorts lit up two orbs in the tower instead of one. Two people went into the session at the same time? Whatever.

You've got a feeling this is gonna be a wierd session.

You're filling out paperwork and parking citations when the Draconian Dignitary steps in. His cape and the plasma pistol are tucked in with a belt so they don't have to fly around or be carried, respectively. Now why the hell hadn't you thought of that?!

"The seer hasn't entered yet," DD says. You glance up from the paperwork.

"Who in paradox space is that?" You ask.

"You know, the one in the sweater," he says.

"Oh. When's that fish girl gonna come in?"

"She's last," DD replies.

"She better get us something good. Who do we have over on our side?"

"The Thief, the Prince, the Page, the Mage, the Heir and the Witch. They have the Seer, the Knight, the Sylph, the Rogue, the Bard, and the Maid."

"Okay. Thanks for the news. Now leave me be." DD nods in understanding.

The Reckoning is gonna happen real soon. You can tell. But then what? You've got a feeling you're gonna be staying here. But if that's the case, than who's going down to Beforus?

**. . . . .**

The answer, as I can see with my omnipotence, is no one. The "exiles" that the players will have in this session will be my Master's minions. The Felt, as you like to call them. Their silliness and stupidity will be unprecedented, but they'll accomplish their necessary tasks. Except for Doze, Die, and Matchsticks. They have other tasks.

Oh? You're wondering about the Sn0wman? She doesn't exist yet. In fact, she won't exist during this session. And I myself will have little involvement.

How can I when I don't really exist just yet? I am overseeing the operations from my study across space and time.

But my Master is already here, ready to receive the doom that the players will initiate.

My time as an excellent host has yet to come.

-Doc Scratch

**. . . . .**

RECAP TIME!

Damara found out about Rufioh and Horuss and killed Tinkerbull in revenge. She then had a brief emotional breakdown when she saw what she was going to go through and went into her session. Under Lord English's instruction, she got Meenah into her session and went to LOTAC. How she and Rufioh's prototypings affect the enemies remains to be seen...

Rufioh, having no clue that Damara killed his lusus or even knows about his relationship with Horuss, went to LOWAC in complete ignorance. Don't worry, he's not gonna be like this for long.

Mituna was told to go into the Medium by Kurloz, and he in turn told Cronus to do so. When he arrived in LOBMAS he translated Rose's walkthrough into Troll so that everyone could use it, he alchemized the Data Freezer and theBurnin Beam and used them to store a bunch of codes in hopes to impress Latula. He then proceeded to go to her hive in a very badass manner, which is on a planet that we haven't seen yet.

Meulin was sleeping when Aranea told her to go into her session, so Kurloz, who was living in the same hive with her, woke her up. The two of them went into the session together, and even though they only prototyped for their shared stuff once, the game was smart enough to know that they were two players and sent them to two different worlds. Meulin went to LOSAD and bought build grist (yeah, you can sometimes buy it instead of killing enemies!) so that she could reconstruct the half of Kurloz's hive that went with him in the session, while Aranea would work on fortifying her own half.

Kankri prototyped some silly reading glasses and scolded some imps for urinating on some ancient ruins. The imps beat him up, and a basilisk swallowed him whole and spat him out in the middle of the forest of his planet, LOTAR. Itchy helped him get back home...quickly!

Porrim landed in LOBAF and spent awhile, in typical sexist fashion, to get ready by making some boots and a neat umbrella harpoon thingy known as Penguin's Bane. Also in typical sexist male chauvinist pig fashion, I didn't devote much time to her as I did with some of the others, but that's just because I don't know what she'll do next just yet, aside from fueling her black romance.

Latula protoyped a toy plasma pistol (don't ask how those exist on Beforus) and is in a currently unknown world.

Aranea was the first to enter the Medium and went into LOFAS. Mindfang helped out a little bit, even though she doesn't actually exist in this dimension. After she went into the Medium, Meenah told her that it was all real, and she got passively aggresively upset. Nelly, her lusus saved her from an imp, and now Aranea's riding on her back to see if she can clear up the darn fog. Dern the fog!

Horuss, after black flirting with Porrim and red flirting with Rufioh, tried to put out the fire that he had started via a baking accident. If only Meenah had been there. Matchsticks saved him and allowed him to enter LOTAS. But he was a little too headSTRONG and was falling down a really tall tower before he knew what was happening. Sawbuck managed to help him out by giving him a magic badge that led him use the power of the void to get back to his hive.

We're not too sure what Kurloz is up to on LOPAT...but he used his shorts to prototype the sprite. Luckily, he had on another pair.

Cronus found that LOJAP is full of hipsters. Yay for him!

Meenah, the coolest troll, after getting her Sburb discs at last, waiting like forever for to enter her session. After fighting a squid she ended up in LOMAD. The imps waiting for her were much tougher than normal. Also, Damara's gonna screw things up.

RECAP OVER!


	9. Chapter 9

End of ACT 1

ACT 2

Mituna widened his eyes in amazement at Latula's world. The sky above him was an epileptic flurry of blues, greens, yellows, and reds, with symmetrical white clouds moving at high speeds. The landscape was so contrasted that everywhere Mituna looked he felt like he was in a world completely different from the one adjacent to it; an endless canyon with thin railings connecting the cliffs to his left, a grassy valley with hills sloping like half-pipes to his right-perfect for Latula-and behind him a massive building that looked like one big garage, housing all kinds of vehicles from aircraft to Unreal Airs to motorcycles to mechas...in short, a land of Epic Win purely due to its bountiful harvest of stuff.

Mituna wondered the world, unsure of where to go. He glanced over at Laptopsprite, which opened up from its previously closed position and displayed a map of the planet with a grid. It showed that Latula was not too far from where he was. He went off through the valley in pursuit.

He finally saw her in a clearing with a bunch of imps circled around her, accompanied by 5 basilisks, 2 ogres, and a single towering Giclops. The imps were firing their plasma pistols at Latula, who dodged all the blasts easily with a few acrobatic leaps into the air. The shots hit some of the more unaware basilisks, and Latula hopped onto the back of one that was too dazed to resist. She tugged at its cape and forced it skyward, taking its plasma pistol. Before she could get safely into the sky, however, an ogre raised its fist and prepared to slam itself on her. Mituna gasped, too frightened for her to do anything. But he quickly saw that it was alright when Latula gained enough speed and altitude to escape the slamming fist. She then circled in the air on her basilisk and shot at the other 4 that chased after her. Brandishing a knife concealed in her boot, Latula pressed a button on it and it extended into a sword. She flew through the air and stabbed at the basilisks right after shooting them, killing them. She then took out a few grenades from her other boot and tossed them down at the hapless imps. The imps tried to take to the air, but the bombs exploded before they could do so. The ogres and Giclops were too heavy to fly with just capes, so Latula jumped down on one of the ogres heads and stabbed it in the skull. She dodged a blow from the Giclops and hopped to the other ogre, doing the same thing. As the ogre fell, she jumped into the Giclop's face and stabbed it with her sword. The beast cried out, and Latula tossed a few more grenades into its open mouth. The bombs exploded, and the Giclops came crashing down. Latula then used her blade to slash a huge wound into the beast from chin to stomach. The Giclops vanished into a pile of grist with the other enemies before she could slice the thing open.

Mituna's legs were like jelly as he trudged over to where Latula was picking up the grist. Latula noticed him coming over and ran up to give him a high five. "yo Tun4! 1 d1dn't 3xp3ct to s33 you h3r3! wh4zzup, m4n?! oh, don't t3ll m3, you got word of my 3p1c sk1llz 4nd d3c1d3d to com3 ov3r and ch3ck 1t out for yours3lf! you w4nn4 jo1n m3 or som3th1ng, now th4t you'r3 h3r3?" Mituna's cheeks flushed yellow at the very idea that this girl was looking at him, let alone talking to him. Her profile pics hadn't lied; she was very beautiful, especially since she had lifted up her shades when she had spoken to him. When her hand made contact with his, he reflexively grasped it, trying to savor her touch. When he realized just how hard he was squeezing her, he let go nervously.

"you ok4y?"

Latula asked him. She could take a pretty good guess as to what was going on, but she knew that she could never be too sure. Mituna, meanwhile, was still having to deal with his rapidly accelerating heartbeat. But then he made one final gasp when he realized what Latula was wearing; a skin-tight body suit. You can decide for yourself just how sexy she looked. I'm not gonna waste time describing it to you. All you really need to know is that Mituna would've gotten a huge erection if trolls had penises. Which, according to some sexually depraved fans, they do. But not in this fic! It will forever be a mystery. Deal with it.

Mituna dropped the data freezer from his sylladex in, uh...amazement. Latula picked it up and examined the codes. She realized what it was, and a priceless smile spread over her face.

"wow, dud3! you got th1s for m3! h3ll y34h!"

Latula took the Data Freezer, and Mituna gave her the Laser Burner.

"You can...get every code now,"

he said. Latula hung her head slightly, putting her shades back on.

"What's the matter?"

Mituna asked.

"noth1n. just th4t 1...1 w4nt3d to g3t 4ll th3 stuff mys3lf th1s t1m3. 1 don't 4lw4ys ch34t, but som3t1m3s 1 do just to sp33d th1ngs up 4 l1ttl3. now th4t you c4m3 4long, 1 don't g3t to do th4t."

"Oh. I-I'm sorry. Gog, I was so stupid. Look, how about I just go back and get you something else? I'll go do it right now."

"no, w41t! st4y. th3 g1ft 1s 4w3som3 4nd r4d 4nd 3v3ryth1ng! 1 c4n t3ll th4t you tot4lly w3nt 4ll out to g1v3 1t to m3. but why?"

she asked. She already knew the answer, and Mituna could tell that she knew, but it was time for him to say it.

"I...made the gift because of...I have...

I'm flushed for you..." Mituna said shyly. Latula placed a red-gloved hand on his arm.

"h3h h3h! 1 c4n t3ll b3c4us3 of 4ll th4t y3llow 1n your ch33ks! r3l4x, m4n! 1 41n't turn1n' you down! hows 4bout you 4nd m3 go off 4nd wr3ck sh1t up?"

Mituna took a deep breath and said confidently, "Yes. I'll do whatever you want."

"r4d1c4l! follow m3 b4ck to my h1v3. gotta g3t M4ry4ms to g3t you...no, scr3w th4t, 1'll just us3 cod3s! th1s 1s gonn4 b3 4w3som3, m4n!"

Latula cried. Mituna followed his new matesprit, trying not to stare at the uh...things revealed by the bodysuit.

. . . . .

Rufioh flew through the woods to seek out Horuss' gate. Fidusprite/Tinkerbull seemed to have an intuitive sense as to where it was, so he followed his lusus through the sky above the canopy of trees. Rufioh enjoyed the feeling of the wind in his mohawk and the verdant world stretching before him. He gave himself a mental note to come back here and explore when he was done hanging out with Horuss. Spying a flock of orange birds, Rufioh flew in beside them and joined their flock. Using his communing abilities, he got the birds to stop flying and perch on his outstretched arms. Rufioh laughed in delight as the birds nestled themselves on his back and shoulders. For a moment he forgot where he was going and what he was doing; it was moments like these in which vague thoughts surfaced into his head, thoughts that told him that other trolls were only temporary. But nature, the animals, fleeting as the life of one individual was, would collectively last forever. Rufioh wondered what it would be like, just to fly around all day, and spend the evenings watching troll anime with this planet's native fauna. No one to bother him, no relationships to fret over, just peace and tranquility and comfort and bliss...

He had almost had that back home on Beforus. But now the last distractions were removed, and he could live here forev-

Rufioh opened his eyes in alarm as the birds left his arms. Imps flying via capes and armed with plasma pistols were about to open fire on him. He dodged the blasts easily, realizing that he could easily get the imps to stop fighting him. But there was temptation to just fight them anyway and see what would happen.

Rufioh failed to resist the urge.

Flapping his wings like Mothra in preparation to attack, he swooped upward and zoomed just above the capes of the imps. Their capes suddenly tore, and they plummeted to the ground. Rufioh suddenly felt more energized, as if he could keep flying for about 5 hours longer than he normally could. Nosediving to the ground, he picked up the grist before it fell and shot back up, his trajectory flipping TURNWAYS into the air. True to his class and aspect, he had stolen the air from the imps. But he could only use it benefit himself, as there was no one else around who could somehow receive the air time. Rufioh flew higher into the sky, dodging the plasma shots from the basilisks hovering loftily in front of the gate to Horuss' world. Rufioh flew directly for it, brandishing two steel knives Horuss had given him. He used them to slice off the capes of the basilisks as he streaked past them, grabbing their grist before they fell. Turning back to the gate, he unhesitantly headed straight inside, ready to see Horuss' world. The gate vanished into the void after he entered it.

. . . . .

Sorry if he 69res you to death, but we have to visit Kankri occasionally, okay?

Kankri slammed the door of his hive, tired of having to make peace with all of the imps outside. On his way back, he had to convince the imps to stop fighting him and calm them down, and it often took more than just a few shooshes and paps to get them to not claw his eyes out. But in the end, most of the imps and even a few ogres had grown to respect him and his ramblings. What had exhausted him more than calming them down, however, were the complicated explanations he had to give to all the curious imps about a variety of topics, ranging from Absconding Ettiquette to Zebra Raising. By the end of it, Kankri was tired of talking.

Karkat: THAT'S RIGHT EVERYONE, THE ARROGANT BLABBERING DOUCHEBAG WHO SO RUDELY LEAVES HIS PROTEIN-CHUTE OPEN TO SPEW OUT HOT AIR FOR SWEEPS AT A TIME ACTUALLY GOT TIRED OF DEFILING THE VIRGIN SOUND RECEPTORS OF MORE REASONABLE WIGGLERS!

"Thank y9u f9r guiding me 6ack here, Itchy. I w9uld prefer it if we 6r9ke c9ntact n9w, as I am very tired and wish t9 sleep."

**"okayfinewithmegotobedsleeptightdontdrinkcoffeekeepsyouupdontboreyourdreamstodeath!"** Itchy replied. Kankri went to sleep in his recuperacoon, letting the sopor slime lull him to sleep.

Kankri opened his eyes and found himself in a bedroom made entirely of gold. He was wearing bright yellow pajamas with a big sun on them. He looked out of his window and saw the golden planet/city of Prospit. But I'm sure you know it was Prospit, didn't you? Anyway, Kankri observed the bright city and wondered what sort of people lived down there. Were they an enlightened sort, or where they primitive and possessing of a mindset contrary to his own? He went down the many stairs of his tower to investigate, deciding to head for the palace by some unknown force.

The people, all white-shelled creatures with beady eyes, stared at Kankri, too suprised to find out that he could fly in this world to notice them.

"The Seer has awakened!"

"The first of our dreamers!"

"Surely he is to be the leader!"

"He's going off to meet the Queen!"

"I do hope we meet his approval!"

"Take care not to trigger him!"

Kankri ignored the excited Prospitans and moved on. He finally arrived at the palace of the Queen, on the main planet itself. Skaia, the massive white atmosphere of the Battlefield, seemed to hover closest at this spot. Kankri went inside the palace and found his way into the throneroom. There a tall white woman (not white like a human) was sitting on the throne, dressed in a gray shirt, a black cape, purple shorts, and reading glasses. She had a bizarre symbol on her forehead and plasma pistol sitting on the arm of her throne. Finally, there was a wind-up key on her back and a glass helmet on her face.

"Seer," she said, "I have awaited your arrival."

"Y9u have? I 6elieve it w9uld 6e 6est t9 advise y9u n9t t9 d9 that again, as it is very triggering t9 certain pe9ple f9r y9u t9 declare that y9u have 6een anticipating their arrival. Y9u see, such a statment implies-"

"Seer, your knowledge of how to avoid conflict and strife surpasses my own, to be sure, but at the moment I must speak to you, rather than listen. I apologize," the White Queen interrupted. She was doing a very good job of keeping her patience. She had handled hostile Dersite ambassadors before, so this couldn't be too great of a challenge for her abilities. She then proceeded to explain all of the complexities of Sgrub, and why they were here and stuff like that. It's way too long for me to bother writing out, but you get the idea. The White Queen also told Kankri of his mission as the team leader and role as the Seer of Blood. Kankri, relieved to be able to listen instead of talk, did so.

"You are a Blood Player. More specifically, a Seer of Blood. Allow me to explain your class and aspect. As a Blood player, your role is to instigate unity in your teammates, and to bring them together so as to prevent conflicts. As a Seer, you have knowledge of your aspect. Therefore, as the Seer of Blood your role is to unite your teammates and prevent conflicts, aided by your knowledge of what can trigger them."

"I thank y9u wh9leheartedly f9r the explanati9n f9r my r9le in Sgru6. H9wever, I feel that y9ur rather 6rief syn9psis may 6e s9mewhat inefficient in descri6ing the c9mplexities and rules which c9me with fulfilling my duty as assigned t9 me 6y the game. Y9u neglected t9 indulge me 9n my r9le as leader, and instead inf9rmed me-perhaps with an inefficient am9unt 9f w9rds-9f my class and aspect, 9f wh9se charateristics I c9uld have perhaps picked up 9n myself. N9w, while I am flattered that my kn9wledge 9f h9w a pers9n is triggered and my passi9n t9 c9erce my teammates int9 a peaceful and civil uni9n are 6eing put t9 use in this setting, and I certainly d9 n9t 96ject t9 this r9le, 6ut I feel that as the designated unifying f9rce am9ng the team I d9 n9t als9 have t9 serve as the leader. Is there s9me s9rt 9f distincti9n, as the alleged leader 9f this game, that I must 6e aware a69ut?"

The White Queen then proceeded to explain the concept of ectobiology. Since it's too complicated to explain, I'll just tell you that she did it rather than giving out what she said. Kankri nodded in understanding, having had so much practice in grasping difficult concepts before.

"Is this s9mething I need t9 d9 immediately?"

he asked.

"You will know when the time is right. But now you must wake up. There will soon be a conflict at hand that only you can seek and destroy."

And before he could protest, Kankri found himself awake in his hive.

. . . . .

And now that you've endured Kankri's POV, I'm going to reward you by giving you Meenah!

Meenah swam effortlessly through the dark waters. She swam as low as she could, where the pressure and the depths would pretty much kill any troll that didn't have gills. As she followed her sprite through trenches, reefs, and sea-monster lairs, she noticed that more and more imps would be following her to cause trouble. The plasma pistols were very deadly down here, she had already learned, and after just barely surviving one wave her sprite would lead her through to another one, this time with basilisks. There were no ogres or Giclopses in her world; rather, they were replaced by enormous sea monsters who are too horrifying and biologically complex to mention. Okay, they were really just giant jellyfish, sharks, sea serpents, and the occasional passive and mouth-watering whale. Oh, and did I mention the giant anglerfish?

Meenah, who now had found the time to alchemize several 2X3dents instead of just one, either using them as stabbing weapons or projectiles against the various sea creatures. Facing the creatures rather than running away, she took her first trident and pierced the flesh of an incoming sea serpent. She continued the extent of the wound by slashing the weapon across its blue hide, wounding it enough to sink to the floor. When it died, its corpse lay there, yielding no grist. Meenah threw another trident between the eyes of a another serpent that tried to come from above, killing it. She withdrew the weapon from the corpse and swung it through the water to fend off the approaching school of sharks that came close enough to almost bite her. A Tentacruel came from behind and wrapped her in its arms. Meenah stabbed her weapon into it backwards, and it released its grip. Another slash from the same trident killed it. She turned to the Sharpedo and withdrew several tridents, throwing as many as she could at the closest ones. She withdrew one more trident and skewered the remaining Sharpedo with it. She capthalogued all the scattered weapons and moved on, the area growing murky from all of the blood, some of it being her own. She knew that she had to keep moving fast, or the Sharpedo would smell her unfortunately distinct royal blood from her wounds. She saw her sprite and went after it, not bothering to fight anymore enemies.

"dam, megids, why are you clickin' on all these chumps? thought the server was supposed to kelp, not torture me! wade til i get my nails on you..."

Meenah said to the green cursor hovering above her, which was apparently motionless at the moment. Meenah tried to send a trident through it, but she found that it was intangible. Oh whale.

"dum-bass probably didn't think it would troughen me up so much, though,"

she said to herself and her sprite. Fishbowlsprite made a weird beepy noise in response. Meenah took out some Sliced Serpent Steak (SSS) and continued to follow her sprite. She partly convinced that whatever it was her sprite was taking her to had to be worth it; why else would so many monsters naturally be near it? Damara wasn't summoning them, simply agitating them until they grew angry enough to fight.

Meenah finally reached a small cave. Unhesitantly swimming inside, a warm light surrounded her, and her scars and wounds disappeared. The sprite beckoned her forward into the darkness of the rest of the tunnel, and she followed. At the end of the tunnel lay a room decorated with fuchsia rocks and seaweed. At the center lay a fuchsia stone bed with a strange symbol on it. Meenah didn't realize it, but she had found her Quest Bed. Fishbowlsprite glowed as it hovered over the bed, and Meenah understood what to do. She swam over and was about to consider taking a nap when two massive tentacles burst through the walls of the room. It was Glyb'Golyb, her Denizen. Meenah took out her tridents and tried to slice off Glyb'Golyb's tenacles, but for every one that she sliced two more took there place. Glyb'Golyb's wounds healed quickly, and soon it managed to finally wrap one of the tentacles around Meenah's ankle. Glyb'Golyb then threw her against the wall, its massive face destroying the whole wall of the room. Meenah screamed, thinking that this was the end. A group of imps suddenly swam up to where she was and fired its plasma pistol, ignoring Glyb'Golyb despite its size. Meenah moved her body to dodge the shot, and the blast hit the tentacle that was holding her captive. But the shock traveled through her body as well. When Meenah opened her eyes quickly afterward, the imps had fled and Glyb'Golyb was briefly stunned. Meenah gathered her tridents and stabbed a multitude of them at Glyb' Golyb's massive face. The initial jab did little damage, but Meenah then took half of the tridents lodged in the monster and slashed all around the left side of Glyb'Golyb. Fishbowlsprite, who had conveniently reappeared, took the other tridents and went around Glyb'Golyb's right. The two met at the tail of the beast several hundred feet out, scrapping the tridents against its flesh even though Glyb'Golyb was beginning to shake. Meenah then put all but one of the tridents back in her sylladex and dove straight through the tailfin of Glyb'Golyb. Diving into the monster's flesh, she tore through intestines, arteries, veins, organs, tissue, and gallons of blood the same color as her own. She really didn't know what was driving her onward, only knowing that this mess of gore and and horror would end very soon. She approached the heart without knowing that it was such, and when she opened her eyes once again she found herself staring at the foot of her Quest Bed.

Glyb'Golyb moaned behind her, feeling cheated, as if it had been broken into, violated, and robbed of its life. As it fell to the ocean floor, its final thoughts were that this girl and her descendants would need to be controlled and restrained, to keep from slauthering innocent life-forms.

"that was one shell of a fight," Meenah remarked to her sprite. She yawned and, not bothering to consider why she had come here in the first place, fell asleep on her Quest Bed. Damara's green cursor hovered over the scene momentarily, then placed a rock on the body, not knowing the consequences.


	10. Chapter 10

Meenah opened her eyes and found herself in a kingdom of darkness. She glanced in disgust at the Dersite pajamas she was wearing and found that this strange duplicate of her bedroom had no closet. She was stuck wearing this until she could get back to LOMAD, she realized.

Although she wasn't quite sure where she was, she had the sense that this was part of the game, and that she would be returning back to her Quest Bed soon. Remembering that that was where she had come from, she realized that she was dreaming. Snapping out of her thoughts, she found herself floating in her room. She took advantage of this discovery and flew out of the window of her tower. Below were dozens of small black-shelled creatures, staring in awe as she flew instinctively to the palace.

"The Thief! She has risen!"

"Beware the Thief of Life!"

"She is most cunning!"

"Beware the Thief!"

"Hark, she heads for the palace!"

Meenah chuckled at the Dersite's remarks and flew onward. When she arrived at the throneroom, the Black Queen was sitting, observing her silently. Meenah, realizing that she was too powerful for her at the moment, bowed before her to give the impression of submission. Naturally, she hated doing it.

"Rise, Thief. Why are you here?"

"Dunno, reely. Guess i'm just sight-sea-in',"

Meenah replied.

"If you have no business here, leave,"

the Black Queen said. Meenah rolled her eyes and was about to leave when a voice called out calmly:

"We can use her, Your Highness," said a tall Dersite in a sharp-looking hat. Turning to Meenah, who had turned around to face him, he said, "Follow me, Thief." Meenah could sense that he was useful in some way, so she did so. The Dersite led her into a room with 3 others of his species. One was large and had a scowl on his face, another was short and chubby, and a third was average heighted. This third Dersite was the only one to make eye contact with Meenah. He extended his hand in greeting.

"Name's Jack Noir," he said. "The one who led you here is known as the Draconian Dignitary. Little one's Courtyard Droll. Big guy's Hegemonic Brute. We got a proposition for ya."

"Mm-hmm. Listening,"

Meenah replied.

"We hate the Black Queen," Jack said, doing very little to conceal the malice in his voice. Meenah tried not to form a smile when she realized that Jack was obviously in a kissmesis of some kind with her. Trolls are able to recognize this instantly. But she said nothing.

"We want you to take her out," Jack said.

"We saw how your server made you fight. And we saw you get to your Quest Bed," the Dignitary explained.

"In return, we'll take out whoever you want," the Brute added.

"PLEEEEEEAAAAASSSE?" Droll exclaimed. Jack shoved him backward to silence him.

"Shore thang. But you guys're holdin' your end up first. That's the seal,"

Meenah said, cleverly using a fish pun that made sense. Hegemonic Brute was about to say something, but Dignitary stopped him.

"Deal. We get the ring she has. It's what gives her the prototypings," Jack said. Meenah nodded. Draconian Dignitary showed her the wall monitor thingies in the next room.

"Pick'em out," the Dignitary said, leaving Meenah alone to spy on her companions. The Midnight Crew waited patiently outside.

With the walls she could see where everyone was at the moment, and was apparently able to contact any of her teammates. She chose to talk to Aranea first:

**Cetaceous Catastrophe (CC) began trolling Arachne's Gift (AG)**

CC: hey gurl what you up to? got to Derse and now i'm watchin' ya through a neat little window thing. can't spill details.

AG: Really? How interesting! Just like you couldn't spill me the details on how this game wasn't actually some sort of virtual reality gimmicak at all, but the real-see, I it spelled the normal way-deal! And now I learn that you're spying on me from the Dark Kingdom! I understand that we light players are supposed to 8e easy to spot, 8ut o8serving my every move is just plain rude! 8ut I digress. What I want to know how you'd think it would 8e okay to lie to me, your alleged 8est friend _and _the one who didn't 8low your cover when you left 8eforus!

CC: dam, you still mad about that? guess i can't blame ya though. reason i lied was cuz i thought you wouldn't play if i told the truth. can we just put this carp behind us and stay friends?

AG: Siiiiiiiigh...what kind of person am I to hold permanent grudges? You're right, Meenah, I shouldn't let this ruin our friendship. In fact, this game has pro8a8ly 8enefitted some of us, especially me. 8ut right now I'm not sure what to do! I've 8een wandering around, looking for things to do. My consorts are nice, 8ut they don't seem to know of any way to help me clear up the fog.

CC: wade consorts? water you talkin about?

AG: Oh. They're the inha8itants of your planet. There all a little on the ignorant side, and they're incredi8ly weak, 8ut they're a gr8 altern8tive to the imps all over the place! Nelly's m8 short work of them.

CC: dam your place sounds all bight to me. my place is a sweet ocean, but litterly EVERYT)-(ING wants to cull me or eat me or somefin. couralse they make good eels themshelves, specially the eels 38b)

b's a toungue cuz that's what i use to eat'em when i can. chum to sink of it, those little guppies were probubbly the consorts. oh well i 8 em.

AG: :OOOOOOOO...oh. Well, anyway, it seems that while your world is meant to test your com8at a8ilities, mine seems to demand a cre8tive or complex solution to a pro8lem. i've 8een trying to talk to my descendant, Mindfang-I told you a8out 8efore we left 8eforus, right?-8ut she seems to have vanished. I suppose she was only meant to 8e a temporary helper. How exactly I know she's my descendant is something I can't really explain-perhaps she's me if f8 would have us do something 8esides play this game. 8ut what she told me a8out 8eing a pir8...that's just hard to 8elieve! Piracy was outlawed on 8eforus ages ago! Well, save for digital piracy. Perhaps Mituna could give me some insight into her, if not into this pro8lem. I heard he recently made a device called the Data Freezer, which contains codes for virtually every item in the game. Yes, perhaps Mindfang is trying to point me in another direction. I'll see if Mituna can help. What do you think?

CC: yeah i didn't catfish most of that cept for the part about every code in the game made by tunaboy. i'll check it out for ya. you just keep chillin', kay?

AG: Well, if you insist. Good8ye. Also, sorry for 8eing such a 8itch and holding a grudge for nothing. Good thing you talked when you did, otherwise our relationship could've have turned rancid!

CC: wouldn't want that. see ya serket. you can bubble on to me whenever. it's the least i could do for making you pissed 38)

Meenah focused her attention on Mituna. Aranea wasn't doing anything dangerous at the moment, so she figured it was okay to leave her alone. She turned the screens on Mituna to see what he was doing. He was currently with Latula on LOEW, fighting off dozens of enemies with psionic powers, while she was on some hoverboard thing shooting a machine gun in people's faces. Mituna was even redirecting stray bullets for her! But it wasn't until Mituna turned his back to the camera (where exactly it was hidden and how the screens watched everyone was a mystery) that Meenah gave a small squee of delight.

")-(OT DAM!" she cried. Draconian Dignitary opened the door. Meenah had apparently realized that Mituna was wearing one of Latula's bodysuits, colored yellow. Yep. This is how the Condesce and the Psionic began their relationship; with the former staring at the ass of the latter.

"Never mind. I shouldn't have come in here," DD sighed. Damn kids. Always disconcertingly oggling and stalking each other. DD quietly closed the door. Meenah watched angrily as Latula gave Mituna a complimentary ass pap (in MSPA, asses are papped, not slapped) after he had psionically eviscerated an ogre.

"3p1c job, M4H-TUN4!" she cried.

"Please don't touch me there," Mituna replied.

"Oh, r3l4x, nobody c4n s33 us!" Latula said nonchalantly. Oh, how wrong she was!

Meenah pondered if she should pursue her perverted flushed crush any further. She decided against it when she paid more attention to the sheer psychic power Mituna used as he tore apart his enemies. Could he be useful? Possibly, but she had to get him away from Latula, and there was no way to do that without employing Aranea's services, and she would most likely object. She briefly remembered Damara and decided unhesitantly that she would arrange for her assassination. But then she remembered how things worked here; each player had 2 bodies, not one. The Midnight Crew would only be able to take out a dreamself easily; anybody on the planets would take longer. She decided that she would have the Midnight Crew take on just Damara's dreamself, and then she would bother her passive aggressively until she could get her into a confrontation. But how? Remembering the gossip Aranea had given her about Rufioh and Horuss, she focused the screens on the latter. But nothing came up. She tried Rufioh, and sure enough she found the two of them together, alchemizing junk for some stupid expedition to a tower or somefin. She couldn't care less. But the point was that she now had evidence that they were totally a thing together and could use it to make Damara mad. She tried turning the screens on Damara herself, but again, that didn't work. She could see her hive, but the other screens which would show her location were blank. Not bothering to find out why, Meenah dismissed it as just a bad surveillance system. It wasn't like Derse's budget could be wisely spent by a cruel queen anyway, right?

Turning to Kankri, she saw him staring into a candy red orb and crying, "9h n9! N9! N999999999!" Meenah laughed, having no idea what was going on. Probably just triggered by something like a dirty hankerchief.

Next, she turned to Meulin. She was on a ship, apparently the captain, and her crew were a bunch of adorable kitties. Nothing interesting there, and no threat. But then Meenah remembered who she could manipulate via the Leijon, and that gave her an idea...

Kurloz himself wasn't doing anything interesting, and neither was Porrim. Cronus was arguing with his fleshy consorts about something uninteresting. And that was pretty much everybody worth looking at. She went back to the Midnight Crew and gave out her hit list:

"Kay yall, get rid of the cat girl, Meulin. Gotta make it look like I got nofin to do with it. Gonna make Kurloz mad and think it was somebody else. Don't let him know about it except from me. Also Damara. Gonna make her mad, too. Just the dreamshelves, kay?"

"Understood," Jack replied. Meenah left to get back to her bed and take a nap. When she left, Jack turned to his crew and said, "Okay, you heard the lady. We do these two jobs, we get the ring. DD, you're in charge of press negotiations. Don't let'em know what we did. We're coverin' this up for as long as we can. HB, you're goin' after the Witch. Big guy like you should have no trouble with a little girl. CD, get the Mage. And whatever you do, DO NOT SQUEAL. Got it?"

"Sure thing, Boss. But, uh, what're you gonna do?" Courtyad Droll asked.

"I'll keep the Queen busy," he said flatly.

Meenah awoke from her Quest Bed to find that she was being crushed by a rock. She lifted it up from under her and tossed it aside, feeling very, very pissed.

But she wasn't God Tier just yet, because she didn't actually die! Despite having a few bruises from the rock, she was fine; she had been healed during her rest!

"Megido's just cruisin' for a bruisin', ain't she?" she said angrily to Fishbowlsprite, who was looking confused. It was supposed to help her get the tiger, but it had failed! Meenah was just too tough to kill through cheep-cheep means.

"What? Was somefin else 'spposed to happen while I slept? Oh, whale. Great way to toughfin myself up and get some minnowins. I mean, I coulda just slept at home, but then I would never've found out how to kick that fish-tentacle thing's tailfin!"


	11. Chapter 11

Damara fired the white wand at an oncoming imp, the blast focused like a blade through the chest. 5 more imps emerged from the corpse, and Damara knew that Rufioh's prototyping had taken effect. But for her, it was a blessing in disguise; it would only help her become stronger. She punched one imp in the face and shoved it into the other 4. She then leaped into the air and landed in the pile, feet first. One of the imps struggled to raise its hand, but Damra grabbed it and bent back the wrist so far that the bone was broken. Yes, imps have bones. Another imp lower on the pile reached for the wind-up key in its back and twisted it, sending itself back into the past a few minutes before the fight began. It soon reappeared, with several more imps, basilisks, and an ogre in tow, all armed with plasma pistols. Damara, who had made short work of the remaining imps in the pile, delivered a kick straight into the chin of the ogre with her spiked ruby red heel she had alchemized earlier after scrounging Mituna's Data Freezer. The bladed shoe cut through the skin of the ogre's chin, and the creature began to bleed heavily. Damara delivered a punch to one of the imp's stomachs, causing it to drop its plasma pistol. She then shot it at point blank-range at the same imp, killing it. She took the grist and jumped to a different floating platform then the one she was on now. She fired a charged-up shot at the imps and ogre on the other platform, with a few more weaker blasts in rapid sucession. Some of the imps died, while a few more flew across the gap, trying to avoid getting shot down. The basilisks carried the ogre across with them to the next platform. Ogres, if you remember, are too big to fly on silly little capes. A single blast from the white wand was shot into one of the basilisks and redirected to flow into the others. Only the bleeding ogre was left. It tried to slam its fists into Damara, but she simply dodged the blow and punched the ogre in the face. The blow was enough to send him tumbling off the edge of the platform. Damara gathered the grist.

**GOOD. IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO GAIN WEAPONS OF YOUR OWN, RATHER THAN BORROWING THE ONES OF OTHERS. RETURN TO YOUR HIVE AND MAKE WHAT YOU WISH.**

Damara did so and made the Blade of Bitterness, a katana with a rusted tip while the rest of the weapon was polished and sharp. The rusted tip was meant to poison the blood of the enemy, as a few shavings could easily slip into a wound. The non-rusted tip of the sword had serrated edges made of diamond.

**NOW, RETURN THE WAND TO THE TIME IN WHICH IT BELONGS. THIS WILL BE YOUR FIRST CHRONOLOGICAL ASSIGNMENT. SEND IT FIRST TO YOURSELF IN THE PAST, THEN RETURN TO NOW. THEN SEND IT TO THE FUTURE, TO PROSPIT.**

"(How will I do this?)" Damara asked. To answer her question, a voodoo doll that looked like a troll (not Die's) with slightly curved orange horns appeared in her hand, with 12 pins in different colors stuck into the doll, representing each troll.

**TAKE YOURS. AND PUT IT INTO YOURSELF.**

Damara took out the dark red pin and took a deep breath. She made a small cut on her finger and watched as the blood splashed onto the platform with a clock face on its surface.

**STAB YOURSELF WITH IT!**

Damara took the pin and did as instructed, gasping in pain. She felt herself getting dizzy. She thought it was from the blood loss, but as her world blurred she realized she was travelling in time. Wishing to obey Lord English (lime text guy), she willed herself to the past, a few minutes before she went into the Medium with Rufioh.

She found herself in her hive, just as she wanted to be. Taking time to savor home, if only for a moment, she took out some bandages from a cabinet and wrapped one around her finger. She placed the wand in front of her recuperacoon, where she had found it originally, and where Lord English had first told her to take it. The time loop was complete. Or so she thought.

**RETURN TO THE PRESENT.**

Damara did so, noticing that the pain got more intense this time, and the blood spilled a little more as she traveled into the future from the persepctive she was at now. The blood itself existed nowhere, neither in the past nor in the future. Rather, it vanished into a temporal void, where there was no time at all. Wonder where that could be, hmm? A place where time is all weird?

When Damara arrived in the present, she found that another wand just like the one she had before was in her hive. Lying next to it was a green voodoo doll of a species Damara didn't recognize.

**SEND IT TO THE FUTURE. YOUR FUTURE, NOT MINE. IT IS ALREADY IN MINE.**

Damara stabbed herself again, the pain even more intense this time. She willed herself to Prospit in the future, in another universe, using the green voodoo doll's dark red pin. She found herself in Prospit, where a green reptilian figure was looking at the sky. Damara quietly placed the white wand on the floor and stabbed herself once more, this time keeping her mouth shut to hide her presence.

"hmm? now who was that? ?:U"

Damara sent herself back into the present, and back into her own world.

**YOU TRAVEL THROUGH TIME WELL, WITCH. WELL DONE. YOU HAVE SAVED ME THE INCONVENIENCE OF REVEALING MYSELF THROUGH TIME SHENANIGANS.**

"(Is the bleeding necessary?)" Damara asked.

**FOR NOW. YOUR NEXT REWARD WILL BE TO TRAVEL THROUGH TIME WITHOUT PAIN. BUT FIRST YOU MUST KNOW...DISCIPLINE, AND YOU WILL LEARN IT THROUGH PAIN. WHEN YOU LEARN DISCIPLINE, I WILL TRUST YOU ENOUGH TO ALLOW YOU TO TRAVEL FREELY. BUT BE WARNED: I CAN TAKE THE PAIN AWAY, BUT I CAN ALSO GIVE IT BACK.**

"(I understand, Master,)" Damara replied, the words tasting bitter on her mouth.


	12. Chapter 12

Aranea, meanwhile, was returning to her hive, with Nelly following her, when she heard a voice:

**Ohohoho! down on your luck in your quest, lass? Allow me, Clover, to give you a wee free sample of mine! You could ever so use it!**

"Who are you? What luck are you talking a8out?" she asked.

**The luck of the leprechauns, me lass! It's what you need to complete your quest! You just need to get lucky and find the light to outshine this fog!**

"I don't see how strong light is supposed to elimin8 fog!"

**Ah! A smart one indeed! How fitting for a light player such as yourself! But the physics you know of is long gone, me lass! As is mine :( ****But no matter! Adventures await you! and with all the luck in the universe, you can't possibly fail!**

"How can you help me?" Aranea asked.

**I am giving you a nutritious breakfast of 8 marshmallow charms! Use them wisely, lass! in fact, you need luck to know just which ones to use, and which your friends can use! Here they are!**

And before Aranea's eyes, 8 different marshmallows, totally not stolen from some Lucky Charms cereal, appeared. A red balloon, a blue moon, a purple horseshoe, a rainbow, a golden shooting star, a green clover, a pink heart, and an hourglass.

**I would have made it 7, but you need 8 because it is your special number, is it not? I threw in the hourglass for free! Use all of these wisely!**

Aranea thought carefully about which one to use. Which one would be useful for getting to wherever or whatever it was that got rid of the fog? It would take some intuition-a form of knowledge in and of itself-to solve this lucky puzzle. The moon and the horseshoe couldn't be it. The clover seemed dangerous and unpredictable. The balloon was a likely candidate, but it seemed too obvious. Certainly not the heart or the hourglass. The rainbow? No. It had to be the shooting star. She glanced at it briefly before eating it.

**Oh, you're ever so lucky! That's the one!**

Aranea felt a little light-headed, and when she looked down she saw that she was floating in the air! She could fly! Nelly stared in shock, hissing for her to come back down this instant.

"Sorry, Nelly! I think I need to do this to solve my quest! I'm sorry you couldn't help me find it!"

She said sadly. Aranea flew into the sky, high above the clouds. The sky above her was bright and blue, and she could just make out a faint outline of her world. After scanning for a few seconds, she found it: her Quest Bed! She was about to fly off and get to it when she heard a motherly spider hiss from behind her. Nelly had fused with the sprite! It now looked like a floating 8 ball with spider legs. The two flew off together and were soon directly above her Quest Bed.

**Dive down! If you're lucky, you'll die on your Quest Bed! That's the only way to get the tiger's charms!**

Aranea was a little nervous, but she did nonetheless. Nelly screamed in horror as the troll under her care crashed into her stone Quest Bed.

Aranea opened her eyes. She was in her bed on Prospit, wearing orange robes with a hoodie. The robes had a bright sunshine on them. Finally, blue wings had grown on her back. She had done it; she had reached God Tier! She took out her Lucky Charms and pondered which one to use next to get back to her planet. Nelly was probably worried sick!

"Clover, thank you? 8ut what do I do now?" she asked.

**Ohohoho! You don't need me to tell you! Just use the charms! And don't thank me; thank the marshmallow power!**

Aranea almost instinctively ate the rainbow marshmallow. A massive rainbow appeared from her window that stretched far from Prospit. She touched the rainbow and found herself flying very fast, far away from where she had been before...

Moments later, she was back on LOFAS. Nelly saw her, now alive, and hugged her with its eight legs. Aranea spread out her arms, and a massive wave of light spread out from her body, clearing up the fog of the land. How exactly light clears up fog is a mystery to us humans. Only Aranea had the knowledge and the luck to know how this works.

"THANK YOU, MARSHMALLOW POWER!" she cried. Flying high above her world, she knew just what to do next.

. . . . .

Courtyard Droll waddled up the long winding stairs to Meulin's room on Derse. His little feet were tired of walking up those steps, and he hadn't really wanted to hurt the sweet cat girl, but Jack had threatened to beat him with his horse-headed cane thingy if he refused. As soon as his stubby legs got him to the top, he leaned his head back to take a quick nap. Just a quick one, because he was tired. But when he leaned his head back, he soon found himself tumbling down, down, down, the spiral staircase of Meulin's tower. Hegemonic Brute radioed him after his tumble was finished.

"CD! Have you killed her yet?" he asked.

"Oww...no. I was about to, uh...kill her, but then I, uh,...fell down some stairs," Droll said sheepishly.

"Sigh. What did I tell you about the stairs? I warned about the stairs, Droll!" HB said grimly. "They'll get ya if you're not careful!"

"I know that now! I just fell all the way down. My head hurts!" Courtyard Droll said in a somewhat whiny voice.

"Geez, kid, relax. You're gonna be fine. Tell you what, you get the job done, and I'll talk to the Dignitary about getting some ice cream for ya. Ice cream always made my head feel better. But I'm not telling Jack you hit your head, cuz' he'll just get mad and make it worse."

"You'd do that for me, Brute? Gee, thanks! Now I feel really motivated!" CD cried happily. He scampered back up the steps to finish the job. This time he was gonna do it!

After climbing up the stairs without a hitch, Droll found Meulin, still asleep in her bed. Now, what could he use among his assortment of weapons to kill her? He looked around the room and finally decided on using a pillow. Since Meulin herself was wide awake, her dreamself was completely helpless. Then again, Derse dreamers are always vulnerable to assassination, aren't they?

It wasn't long before Meulin's dreamself was dead from asphysixiation. (I hope I spelled that right!)

. . . . .

Meanwhile, Meulin herself was sailing out to sea in LOSAD, accompanied by the finest kitty sailors on the planet. They were heading out in search of treasure and grist. Meulin, dressed in a swashbuckling pirate's outfit consisting of a blue captain's hat that concealed her hair, supposedly expensive leather boots, a coat that was several sizes too big for her that Porrim had sent her the code for, and a bone necklace like Rufioh's that he had sent her the code for. Boy, she sure had a lot of friends! Of course, this is understandable. How HIGH to you have to BE to NOT want to be FURRIENDS with MEULIN?!

Everything had been fine when she hoisted the anchor in the cargo hold. Everything had been fine when she ordered the ship out to sail. Everything had been fine when she noted the direction of the wind and sailed for an island that was allegedly just north of the port town she had been in for what had seemed like sweeps. And everything had been fine when an enemy vessel, full of imps and ogres as crew members, tried to raid her ship. Things were a little problematic, to be sure, when they had managed to board her vessel, the S.S. OTP. But this was just a minor setback, right? Nothing could ruin this adventure!

Meulin slashed her Kitty Claws (they had a fancier name, but she really didn't care for such formalities) at the nearest imp, tearing it apart and turning it to grist. Her kitty pirates got out their cutlasses and swords and stabbed at the imps, who in return shot gave scalding wounds with their plasma pistols. Meulin saw her crew dying, but in the heat of the battle, she found herself surprisingly uncaring. For her, this was roleplaying to the MANX! (get it, max, manx? No?) She sank her now undoubtedly feline teeth into the head of an ogre, sending it crashing down onto the deck. Her other crewmembers made short work of it. Slashing at the open air towards the enemy ship, her Kitty Claws, tipped with small, motion-sensitive tips, fired thin white lasers at the deck, crow's nest, and sails of the imp's ship. The ranged claw attacks did what you'd expect; the sails were torn, the cannons were damaged, and the enemy was now ready to be boarded!

Repurrlsing the enemy, Meulin and her crew leaped across the open ocean to the other vessel, whipping out some matchsticks and gasoline salvaged from the port. Matchsticks was connected in no way to any of this. The wooden of the ship was set ablaze, and the angry Giclops captain stormed out from the poop deck, previously unseen. This was because he was too lazy to fight unless he absolutely had to. Meulin gave a war hiss and lunged for it, eager to claw out that solitary eye.

And then she felt herself stumble and falter on the burning deck.

**"The high seas is a 8ad place to lose your luck. Quite a shame,"** a voice whispered.

"(?0?) Aranea? Is that you?" she asked. Before she could get a reply, the Giclops knocked her overboard.

Meulin opened her eyes and found herself floundering in the ocean. She could see both ships burning in the distance, her heart sinking as her own sank. And if she looked hard enough, she could also see the doomed adorabloodthirsty kitty sailors as they drowned to their deaths. Meulin found that there was nothing to do but swim for the island, now in her field of vision in the opposite direction. She left a trail of green in the blue ocean. That is why oceans are bluish and green, especially at the shallow spots, where Meulin cried the most.

**Anthropomorphic Complexity (AC) began trolling Undergarment Crusader (UC**)

AC: (*n*) Purrloz! Help!

UC: :o)

AC: ():() something horrible happened to me! i was sailing to the island to go exploring, but then pirates came and attacked us!

UC: :o(?

AC: (^-^) oh, right! i'm so silly fur not reminding you! pirates were those guys that raided ships back before it was outlawed! not like Mitunafish! he's not the kind of pirate i am...er, was.

UC: :o(

AC: (Y+Y) no, it wasn't the pirates that got me. i was just about to claw out a giclops' eye when i got distracted by somebody. she said something about luck running out! and then the giclops knocked me off the ship i was raiding. and without me to guide them, my crew was killed as they were burning the other ship! i think everyone's dead now...

UC: :'o(

AC: (#h#) thanks. you're always caring fur me, kurloz. if you had been with me, this wouldn't have happened.

(?s?) furr some reason, i feel like i know what it was about. someone killed me...but i'm still alive. do you get what i'm saying?

UC: :o?

AC: (XX) i feel like a purt of me is dead, and a part of me is still alive, talking to you. and i feel like whoever did this, or wanted it to happen, is doing more than just sinking ships.

UC: :o(?

AC: (ZuZ) i'm getting sleepy. i'll just take a catnap. maybe some rest will help me figure this out.

UC: :o)

After Meulin fell asleep on the island shore, Kurloz closed his laptop, now angry. Someone had killed Meulin's dreamself!

YOU WILL BE MOTHERFUCKIN AVENGED, MEULIN! I SWEAR BY THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS THAT THE FULL FORCE OF MY WRATH WILL BE EXERCISED ON THE ONE WHO KILLED YOU! :o(


	13. Chapter 13

Porrim, her dress dirtied from all of the plants she had planted around her hive, and the enemies she had killed to get the grist to do it, stepped back to admire her work. She decided that it was simply perfect. She had planted the rows of exotic, botanically unfamiliar flowers just so that they would receive equal sunlight filtered through the canopy of trees throughout the day. The damp soil was suprisingly quite fertile and minimized the necessity of watering. Satisified, she strolled into her hive to finally relax. She peered into her expansive closet and smiled at every outfit she had made since the beginning of the session, remembering the story that each one had told via the enemies killed for the grist, and the way it was all stitched together. Complexity. Diversity. Organization. Beauty. Everything with her, save the dank and damp world she was on, epitomized these qualities. Although she had worked hard to perfect all of this, Porrim had forgotten that most of it would be worthless in the game.

Porrim yawned and decided to take a nap. She fell asleep easily, waking up on Prospit. In between her creative labor she had periodically fallen asleep, just to revisit this beautiful place. Flying out to the golden city, she could Latula and Rufioh in the sky. There was also a rainbow in the sky, which was somewhat unusual, but Porrim paid it little notice; surely such things would be common here. She joined her friends in conversation regarding their experiences.

"Hello +here! What brings yo+u bo+h to+ Pro+spit?" she asked.

"just got b4ck to th3 h1v3 from 4 w1ck3d f1ll3r 4dv3nt!" Latula exclaimed.

"What's a filler?" Porrim asked, remembering that "advent" was just Pyrope shorthand for adventure.

"d*mn, doll, you haven't found someone to go on one w1th you yet? they're these w1cked s1de quests where you just go around and explore your world and k1ck *ss! they don't really have a po1nt, cept to make you stronger and bond w1th the person that comes w1th you. course' 1t's cool 1f you just go 1t alone, but then 1t's not as fun!"

"1kr! w3 sur3 th1nk 4l1k3, 4y Ruf?" Latula said in agreement. "1 m34n, w3 3v3n sh4r3 p4rt of 4 typ1ng qu1rk!"

"heh heh, r1ght on!" Rufioh agreed, giving Latula the greatest platonic fistbump in paradox space. Porrim was still looking a little confused.

"Filler? O+h, I've been to+o+ busy fixing up my hive with all o+f this beautiful stuff to+ bo+her go+ing to+o+ far away fro+m the hive. Wo+uld either o+f yo+u like to+ see it so+metime?"

"h3ll y34h! 1t's th3 l34st 1 could do to r3p4y you 4ft3r m4k1ng th4t w1ck3d bodysu1t for h1m!"

"Go+o+d. I co+uld make o+ne fo+r yo+u, to+o+, Rufioh, if yo+u'd like," Porrim said, winking suggestively. Rufioh ran a hand through his mohawk nervously.

"uh, sorry, 1 don't th1nk 1'd look too hot 1n that...d*mn, 1 mean too good!"

"Yo+u'll be missing o+ut," Porrim warned. "These th1ngs are go+nna beco+me trendy real so+o+n. They're go+ing to+ replace mo+hawks by sto+rm, I just kno+w it!"

"not 1f Horuss dec1des to go publ1c w1th some of h1s bangarang armor 1deas!" Rufioh responded. Porrim rolled her eyes.

"That aesthetically challenged mo+ro+n can go+-never mind," she said quickly.

"wow...l1ttle mad today?" Rufioh asked. "someth1n' Horuss sa1d? 1 know he can be a l1ttle 1nsens1t1ve, but he's pretty talented 1n h1s own ways."

"Yes, I suppo+se so+. I have to+ go+. No+w that I'm o+ut o+f things to+ do+, I feel like lo+o+king to+ Skaia fo+r guidance. Do+esn't it po+int yo+u in the right directio+n so+metimes?" she asked her friends. They shrugged.

"1 dunno, but 1t's a n1ce place to dream, a1n't 1t?" Rufioh said. Porrim nodded and waved goodbye to find a spot to look into Skaia.

"1 think there's someth1n up w1th her and Horuss. What do you th1nk?" Rufioh asked Latula.

"lo4d of muscl3b3st cr4p," Latula persuaded him. She knew Porrim well enough to know the truth, however, and connected the dots.

"ugh, funny you should say that; he made me look at a bunch of those earl1er, before we headed out! they were, uh...1 just don't want to see anymore," Rufioh finished. Latula laughed hysterically.

"1f you don't l1k3 muscl3b34sts, th3n ma4b3 Horuss sounds l1k3 h3 w4s 4 m1st4k3 for you!" she said jokingly. Sadly, Rufioh took statements like these all too literally.

Meanwhile, Porrim looked into the clouds of Skaia and had a vision. Frogs. The old ruins by her hive. Mud. Slime. A volcano. And friends, smiling and laughing. And a blinding flash of light...and the vision was over.

Porrim grew angry. The images hadn't made much sense out of context, but somehow she knew what Skaia was trying to say.

"I'm a...MAID!?" she cried to the heavens above Prospit. It was loud enough for virtually everone else on the city/planet to hear. The vision had told her what she needed to know, but she was very eager to reject the role.

"Are yo+u telling me that yo+u're making me wo+rk with fro+gs?! There's no+thing extrao+rdinary abo+ut them at all! Why must wo+men, even in a game like this o+ne, allo+w themselves to+ be assigned to+ mo+herly o+r o+her feminine labo+rs?! No+ wait, scratch that. I'm the o+nly o+ne, o+ut o+f all the girls, o+r anyo+ne fo+r that matter, that has been given the gro+ssest and mo+st demeaning jo+b o+f all! Why me? Why no+ Rufio+h?! He's the o+nly o+ne who+ actually kno+ws what Damara is saying! This isn't fair!"

Porrim screamed until her voice was hoarse. She then went back to her bed in a huff, ignoring Latula and Rufioh's questions.

When she woke up, she found that Kankri was trying to contact her:

**Critic of Generality (CG) began trolling Gendered Advocate (GA)**

P9rrim, I was made aware recently 9f y9ur decisi9n to reject y9ur r9le as the Maid 9f Space. While I d9 understand that y9u are n9t as skilled at handling situati9ns that y9u perceive as pr96lematic, unlike myself, I w9uld str9ngly suggest that y9u rec9nsider and ultimately decide t9 fulfill y9ur r9le. It is vital f9r all 9f us t9 d9 9ur part, even if it seems unpleasant.

Easy fo+r yo+u to+ say. What do+ yo+u even do+, anyway?

My duty as the Seer of 6l99d is f9r me t9 eliminate uncessary, triggering, and pr96lematic c9nflicts am9ng the 9thers, using my kn9wldege 9f h9w such conflicts c9me a69ut. Als9, as the team's de-fact9 leader-at least, I am regarded 6y the game as such-it is my duty t9 travel t9 the Veil, the aster9id field 6etween Skaia and Derse, and ect96i9l9gize parad9x cl9nes 9f each 9f us t9 6e sent t9 the past, s9 that we may fill 9ur destiny-which is t9 play this game.

O+kay, I go+ the part abo+ut the Seer o+f Blo+o+d thing, but what do+ yo+u mean by "ecto+bio+lo+gizing" and parado+x clo+nes?

It's c9mplicated. I will detail it in a future essay 9n my 6l9g.

Kankri, everyo+ne but us is dead, why wo+uld yo+u still...did yo+u say yo+u were go+ing into+ space?

I did n9t explicitly say it, 6ut I implied it, yes. My Denizen apparently guards a suita6le means 9f transp9rtati9n.

Do+n't yo+u kno+w ho+w co+ld it is o+ut there? Listen, I'll alchemize so+me warm clo+hes fo+r yo+u and have them delivered to+ yo+ur planet. Do+n't leave until they get there!

Sigh...P9rrim, I appreciate the gesture, 6ut it is really quite unnecessary. A few warm cl9thes will 6e useless against the vacuum 9f space, which I am very unlikely to venture int9 anyway. I will m9st likely 6e in a space stati9n 9f s9me s9rt.

But it co+uld still be co+ld in the space statio+n itself!

N9! This gesture 9f y9urs is 69th triggering and friv9l9us!

I O+RDER y9u to+ wait, Kankri. Y9u must understand patience! Y9u may go+ and search f9r y9ur ship, but do+n't leave the planet! If yo+u o+bey me, I pro+mise to+ wo+rk with Damara o+ fro+g breeding, even tho+ugh I hate it and do+n't kno+w her very well.

Fine, then. I'll d9 as y9u say. I can't risk triggering y9u, after all.

Thank y9u, dear. Please...take care 9n y9ur j9urney.

. . . . .

Kankri then spoke to Aranea:

**Critic of Generality (CG) began trolling Arachne's Gift (AG)**

What can y9u tell me a69ut 6969?

8080? What makes you think I know anything a8out a Denizen that isn't even mine?

After glancing int9 my 9r6 9f c9nflict, I determined that this w9uld 6e the primary 96stacle I w9uld have t9 neg9tiate in 9rder t9 travel t9 the Veil. That and a few skirmishes with Dersite vessels 9n their way t9 the 6attlefield. T9 6e h9nest I d9n't kn9w h9w I'll handle th9se. The 9r6 was a little vague.

Don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing you and I can't handle. My tremendous new insight regarding the game's complexity is suddenly a lot more simple!

9h? H9w s9?

I reached God Tier!

Well, well. C9ngratulati9ns! Y9u're the first am9ng us!

I know, right? And it was all thanks to my Exile, Clover! He gave me these marshmallows-except they weren't sugary or white or puffy, they had these weird shapes-and they made me fly to my Quest 8ed.

It s9unds crazy, 6ut this game certainly challenges previ9usly held n9ti9ns regarding alm9st every scientific field. 6ut I digress. Can y9u tell me what I need t9 deal with 6969?

8080 is a fairly powerful 8pe that guards the rocket on the top of the highest mountain of your planet, according to Skaia. My planet is very close to it, you see, so I can get this information easily. You'll need to alchemize some weapona for the fight, and possi8ly some clim8ing gear. And feel free to contact me again if your journey up the moutain gets too harsh. I can help make it easier ::::)

Thank y9u. Why are y9u suddenly s9 kn9wledga6le a69ut my situtai9n? Have y9u 6een...

Goodness, no, I haven't 8een stalking you! As you would say, that would be very "pro8lematic and triggering". I simply gazed into Skaia after getting the tiger-as the popular saying allegedly goes-and was sort of...de8riefed 8y the clouds on what to do next. I had to piece the information together a little, and it may not 8e entirely accur8, to 8e honest. 8ut it was my 8est, I suppose. ::::)

Indeed. H9wever, I sh9uld at least take the time t9 warn y9u that the phrase y9u just used, while certainly n9t an explicitly triggering statement, d9es have a hist9ry 9f 6eing used in negative c9nn9tati9ns. Y9u see, when y9u say simply that y9u did y9ur 6est-

Listen, Kankri, while this is most likely a very enlightening lession you intend to teach, I'm afraid I'll have to decline for the moment. Why not simply write out an essy and send it to me l8er? Right now, your primary o8jective is to clim8 the mountain and call 8080. Simply say his name 69 times, like so: 8080 8080 8080 8080 8080 8080 8080 8080...and so forth.

6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969...and s9 f9rth?

Yes, sixty-nine times. Good8ye and good luck!

Kankri was about to start being Santa and make stuff when noticed that Porrim was also trolling him:

**Gendered Advocate (GA) began trolling Critic of Generality (CG)**

Kankri, dear, I've go+ the sweater fo+r yo+u all made! It sho+uld be delivered to+ yo+u very so+o+n!

Is it really necessary? I-

TAKE. THE. SWEATER!

All right. If it will avert y9u fr9m being triggered, then I have n9 ch9ice 6ut t9 c9mply. When wil it get here?

A Pro+spitan will deliver it to+ right abo+ut...no+w! Go+o+d luck o+n yo+ur quest! I'll try to+ do+ mine, to+o+...but o+nly fo+r yo+ur sake.

Just then, a roar of a spacecraft was heard above Kankri's hive. Out came a friendly young Prospitan woman. I wonder who it i-oh you probably knew it was PM! She was wearing typical Prospitan parcel robes, which were blue and had a cute little picture of an envelope on the front. She would've given a nice smile, but Carapacians don't seem to have mouths except when they absolutely need them. And a mouth apparently wasn't necessary at the moment. Kankri's eyes widened when he saw the ship.

"Pard9n me f9r 6eing s9 69ld, 6ut what y9u c9nsider all9wing me t9-?"

But before Kankri finished his very long question, a giant rock appeared in the sky. And before he knew it, the rock crashed through the ship and made a huge hole in it, destroying it. When he saw this, Kankri finally lost his cool. "What the fuck?!" he cried. "That's n9t fair at all! N9w I have t9 all the way up that stupid m9untain and fight a stupid ape6east wh9se name just s9 'happens' t9 6e s9mething imp9ssi6le t9 type 9ut with my typing quirk, and 6eat it up just t9 get int9 a freakin' spaceship! Grr...69696969999999999999999999999999999999999!"

PM reassuringly placed a hand on Kankri after he put on his sweater in the package she had been holding. It was bright red and very warm. Kankri sighed.

"Thank y9u. F9r a minute there was I 6eing very vulgar and c9uld have triggered y9u. I'm s9rry."

PM smiled, this time being allowed to use her mouth. She pointed to the mountain and took out a plasma pistol and an ivory bat from her parcel robes. Kankri understood that she was willing to help him get to the Veil.

"Well then, let's 6e the 12th perigree h9liday dr9ne!" Kankri cried. PM looked confused, as she didn't know that this was just a drone on Beforus that fulfilled the role of Santa to wigglers. Alternia isn't cool enough to have one. Yeah, I just went there!

Kankri decided to take a slight increase in badass and worked with PM to make some stuff. Hiking up his pants in seriousness. He combined his printer, a stapler and and a random computer chip Mituna had given him in an attempt to back off of Latula to make the Tazerjet! It was basically a flying, autonomous printer that hovered around on jets and could had a number of attacks: it could chomp things by opening up its first part and stab it with a giant stapler, then spit them out anywhere it liked if they could fit inside the printer. It could also fire a bunch of razor-sharp sheets of paper, giving WICKED PAPER CUTS! to anyone that got hit. The sheets of paper were much sharper than they looked, Kankri knew. The thing could also fire a fairly decent laser at attackers. Using the capthalogue card for one, Kankri made a bunch more with the Tazerjet's photocopying feature. These things were deadly in groups, but alone they'd probably drop like flies.

Kankri combined his incredibly wimpy knife with PM's plasma pistol to make the Knife Gun! He could fire a bunch of little knives in rapid sucession, or a giant knife with a charged-up shot! How exactly a knife expands in the barrel of a gun is something that can only be done in S_b games. Just go with it, okay?!

Kankri tried to check out the other stuff that hadn't been destroyed by PM, but she shooshed him away with ivory bat. She knew that the mail could NEVER be tampered with, even when the means of transportation to deliver said mail was no longer useable. The mail was a symbol of Democracy, and by extension, Kankri realized, Social Justice. Kankri kneeled in shame for his sins.

"I hum6ly ap9l9gize, 9h great mail w9man. Please, find it in y9ur heart t9 f9rgive me 9f my-"

But PM was too busy clubbing a nearby imp to care what Kankri had to say.

After making some stretchy rope out of nylon stockings (Porrim had given him these; she had insisted they were trendy, but Kankri never wore them but once) that was supposedly unbreakable, some hiking boots (really just his regular shoes with gum stuck on the bottom for grip) and a grappling hook he got from Mituna's codes, he set out with PM. He made to again hike up his pants when he started the climb, for you know, protection and stuff. PM climbed ahead of Kankri without any trouble, gripping the nylon stretchy rope by one end while Kankri gripped the other end with one hand while having his grappling hook at the ready in case PM suddenly fell off and he had to pull her up. He wasn't really climbing so much as PM was dragging him up, not bothering to worry about her parcel robes. She was perfectly alright with them being torn in the line of duty.


	14. Chapter 14

Porrim, who I might need to add certainly did not like her clothes being torn, whether for some ulterior reason or otherwise, was still VERY MAD at Horuss. But what could she do to tell him that she hated him? She pondered the question while angrily ogling a profile pic of him. If that had actually been Horuss, he would have been very disconcerted indeed. She got a message on her computer suddenly:

**Hello there, Missch! It scheems you have a burning hatred for schomeone at the moment. Would like me to be of aschischtansche?**

Quite a typing quirk yo+u have there. Wait, who+ are yo+u?

**Hm. Perhapsch revealing myschelf waschn't entirely benificial. Oh, well, no usche getting the othersch to pull schome shenanigansch for my schake. The name'sch Stich, madam. Like you, I have schome experiensche in the art of weaving. But whereasch you make clothesch, I repair them. I'm a tailor.**

What's yo+ur po+int?

**I alscho practische voodoo, a little bit. I can make effigieschs of thosche I know to heal them. But lucky for you, I can also do the reversche...intereschted?**

...Yes.

**Good. Tell me what thisch fellow looksch like.**

Horuss is...tall, I think. I don't know his build, if that's important to you. That's because he always wears this armor, because he thinks he so powerful he'll break things if he's not wearing something that somehow can lighten his grip, even though the armor should make him heavier.. He's got two pointy horns, and dark blue blood. I've never seen it, but I know because that's the color he types in. He thinks he's just the greatest, but he's just pious and arrogant. But that's really only because of the hemospectrum, I think. Also, he's got a weird fetish of some sort. Musclebeasts. Basically masculine muscular livestock. It's disgusting. But that's not why I hate him. I did everything I could on my planet to make the men respect the women, and acknowledge them as equals. Maybe even superiors. No one listened to me, not even Kankri, mostly because no one could see the evidence that was right in front of their eyes.

**But where do thesche topicsch coinschide?**

Horuss never explicitly spurned me regarding women's rights. But...I see him as my antithesis. A rival. An opposite of me. Inherently superior in name, but deep down his very weak and inferior to me. On my planet, I like to think I was the epitome of troll feminity. With my love of soft fabrics and creativity, and his love of cold, hard machinery, destruction, and being a hideously lustful abomination to troll society, he is the epitome of troll masculinity. Oh, why don't I just send you his picture?

**No need. Hisch effigy hasch been schtiched up for you.**

Thank yo+u. When do+ I get it?

**Look behind you.**

Porrim did, and she saw that a troll-sized white mannequin wearing Horuss' clothes, complete with his horns, was already there.

**Juscht dischmantle the armor to get at the body. It won't schtrip of hisch own, but you won't need to that to harm him. Usche thisch wischely.**

I will.

She then consulted a friend to see if this blackcrush was really something to go after, or just a dead end.

**Gendered Advocate (GA) began trolling Gamer Creationist (GC)**

GA: Latula, are yo+u there? I need so+me advice. I think yo+u already kno+w that I...are yo+u even here?

...

...

...

Never mind, I'll ask so+meo+ne else. Yo+u're pro+bably getting co+zy with Mituna o+r so+mething. Enjo+y it! ;)

**Gendered Advocate (GA) began trolling Cetaceous Catastrophe (CC)**

GA: Meenah, are yo+u there?

CC: yeah i'm here. you wanna hand me some gossip or somefin? it don't have nofin to do with no murders does it?

GA: No+, no+hing like that. I need advice. I...have started hating Horuss. In a caligino+us way. I...really haven't do+ne much flirting yet, and I've just made an effigy o+f him to+...well, yo+u kno+w. I feel like I sho+uldn't be do+ing this, but...it feels so+ right!

CC: shore is gurl! just do waterever your body tells you to. you wanna pretend beat up Horuss, go right on ahead. just tell me all the juicy details when you're done 38)

GA: I suppo+se yo+u have a po+int, Meenah. I can't hide my feelings fo+rever. What better way to+ make him see that I hate him by sho+wing him the scarred do+ll and sending it to+ him!

Porrim's eyes fixed on the life-size effigy. She reached to embrace it, disappointed that it didn't feel the way she would have expected him to. Oh, if it was really him, she thought, she'd wrap him in her arms and take the knife she had make marks all over his arms and shoulders and back. She could almost taste the blood of her fantasy. Taking the knife, she made her first wound on his shoulder, imagining the blue blood spilling down his body instead of the stuffing that went out of the effigy.

. . . . .

Meenawhile, Meenah was laughing her head off watching Porrim and the Horuss effigy, if one could call it that. Draconian Dignitary came in, assuming that this was, in some bizarre way he didn't understand, pornographic to trolls. But then why would she be laughing?

"Sorry, Thief. I just came to report that the Mage is dead, and no one knows save us."

"Seaweet. Kill Megido and i'll get your ring for ya. Till then I'll be wading around here and the hive."


	15. Chapter 15

Rufioh opened his eyes and found a pair of lips grazing his cheek. You probably know whose these were.

"oh...hey, Horuss," Rufioh said weakly.

"8===D Oh, thank g00dness, you're alive, Rufioh!" Horuss gave him a STRONG hug and squeezed his matesprit's bishonen bones.

"hey, how long was 1..."

"8===D You seemed to be e%hibiting signs of death, and for a moment I thought you had been put out to pasture. Thank goodness I have you to serve as my steed-fiddlesti%, I meant matesprit!" he cried jubilantly.

"uh, yeah, great. look, 1 th1nk 1 was just knocked out for a moment there. 1've got an awful bru1se on my head. d1d you manage w1thout me?"

"8==D It was no trouble carrying your dainty, pony-like body around. There were a few occasions in which the imps provided trouble, but our respective sprites handled the situtaion gallantly. A few times I had to use the power of the Void-I told you about that before, did I not?-to grant us an escape, but I can assure that you were well defended by the three of us!"

Fidusprite appeared and nuzzled Rufioh's cheek. "d*mn-"

"8=D Cease your 100d language, Rufioh!"

"bangarang, th1s place 1s tough...normally 1'd just try and commune w1th the enem1es 1n rough spots, but down here 1 can hardly see anyth1ng, and 1f 1t a1n't an 1mp were fac1ng 1t's some k1nd of mach1ne!"

"8==D Insteed. I am afraid that such is the curse of my world; the game knew of my love of machinery and STRENGTH, and gave me one where both knew no fences. I am sorry for making you come here. Perhaps we would be better off in your-?"

"naw, man, we're not leav1n' t1ll we beat the boss! that's how games work, dude! what's your guy's name, aga1n?"

"8==D I believe it is Ferrus."

"well then, we're gonna bangarang Ferrus up unt1l he's just a heap of scrap metal!"

"8==D I was not aware that 'bangarang' could be used as a verb as well as interjac-I mean interjectionally."

The two wandered down the dark corridor, Rufioh flying no more than a few inches off the floor, and Horuss' boots making tiny clinking sounds behind him. Just then, Rufioh heard a voice that made him shudder:

**Ferrus is tough unless you can outnumber him! one of you is rotten, but a dozen of you is Grade A!**

"you say someth1n, Horuss?" Rufioh asked.

"8==D Not I."

**no, you dangerous moron, i did!**

"Who are you, though?" Rufioh asked aloud.

"8==D To whom are you speaking?" Horuss asked.

"1 dunno, really. m1ght be a vo1ce 1ns1de my head."

"8==D Answer him. Every player has an e%ile, as I believe they are called. He wishes to help you."

**yeah, listen to the metal one! eggs is gonna set you up right with another of his egg timers. go the left way to get it! the right is where Ferrus is!**

Rufioh followed Eggs' advice and found a purple egg timer waiting for him. He picked it up and turned the dial back a few seconds. Sure enough, another Rufioh appeared shortly afterward. "bangarang!" both Rufiohs cried, hi-fiving.

"8====D Oh, jegus, there's two of you!" Horuss cried. After briefly considered what sort of benefits 2 Rufiohs had, he nearly fainted. Both Rufiohs stooped to help him up.

**make as many as you need to scramble Ferrus! with my juju the fight'll be overeasy!**

Just then Sawbuck spoke to Horuss:

**I concur with Eggs. I've modified your badge so that it'll only take you around the room if he hurts you, but otherwise you'll have to buck up! Good luck, lad; if I could give you some, I would, but that isn't my specialty!**

Silently thanking their exiles, Rufioh and Horuss took the right path and found themselves face to face with Horuss' Denizen: Ferrus.

"SO, YOU'VE ARRIVED AT LAST! I AM Ferrus, DENIZEN OF LOTAS. DEFEAT ME AND CLAIM VICTORY IN THIS WORLD! OR BE CRUSHED AND DIE WHERE YOU STAND!"

"br1ng 1t on, hotshot!" Rufioh challenged. Fidusprite hid in Rufioh's coat pocket, and E%tinguisprite vanished.

"VERY WELL, THEN. I ENJOY A CHALLENGE. COME AT ME, YOU PUNY ANTS!" And with this awesome yet cheesy dialogue, the battle began.

Ferrus's mighty hammer came crashing down on the seemingly helpless trolls. Horuss performed a STRONG ROLL to get out of the way, and Rufioh merely strafed to the left on the fly. But he didn't see Ferrus's fist come shooting out at him from a chain. Rufioh received the full force of the blow and was slammed against the wall. He slumped to the ground when Ferrus released his grip, reaching for the egg timer before he collapsed. Another Rufioh appeared, seconds in the past, this time dodging the fist and catching up with the alt-timeline one that didn't. Ferrus was confused, but he didn't bother to think too much about it. He's made of solid metal, do you honestly expect him to get time travel? But his confusion was just enough time for Horuss to slam his steel-plated fist into Ferrus's side. The metal tyrant spun around with surprising agility and sent his hammer onto Horuss. Horuss found himself in the opposite corner of the room, wounded somewhat. Clad in his armor, Ferrus would have to hit him many times to do a major amount of damage, whereas Rufioh would fall in just a single hit. Turning his attention back to said troll, Ferrus tore off the horn of the dead Rufioh and stabbed it at the second, killing him. A third Rufioh appeared, only to be subsequently destroyed by Ferrus once more. And a fourth, and a fifth, and a sixth, and a seventh, until there were about 10 or so Rufiohs fluttering around, all prime targets too nimble to all get hit at once. Ferrus swung his hammer and his fist in the air, only to crash into the walls of the room. Horuss took the opportunity to leap up and punch Ferrus in the face. Horuss jumped off Ferrus's head and threw a chunk of debris straight at him as he tried to turn around. Ferrus groaned in pain, but swatted Horuss away with one when he tried to lunge at him again. Horuss crashed into one wall and found himself propped against the opposite one. Ferrus had already turned to face him.

"TRICKERY WON'T KEEP YOU ALIVE FOREVER! I HAVEN'T EVEN USED ALL OF MY POWER YET!" he cried. At this, Ferrus's face transformed into the gun of a tank, and the tank head fired a massive blast at Horuss. It Horuss at full force, sending him reeling from one wall to another. Ferrus continued to strike at him in every way he could, and each time Horuss found himself being flung every which way, growing weaker and weaker with each blow.

The Rufiohs acted fast and swamed Ferrus's eyes. To try and kill them, Ferrus fired another shot from his tankface, but the combined strength of the Rufiohs caused it to miss Horuss. Horuss recovered from his wounds and delivered an uppercut to the tank gun of the blinded Ferrus. This caused him to fall backwards to the ground, dropping his hammer. Horuss picked it up easily and smashed it into Ferrus's face multiple times. Ferrus groaned in pain, but Horuss silenced him by approaching his hand and broke the chain it was held on. He then took the hand and flung it aside, finishing Ferrus off with a final punch to each eye. The Rufiohs, vanishing as the timelines caught up with each other, merged into one in awe.

"that was awesome! now let's get the h*ll out of here! can't wa1t to see the sun aga1n, even though 1t 1s pretty dull and almost blocked out by the clouds!"

"8==D Indeed. Help me pick up the grist," Horuss said. After they had done this, part of the wall opened, revealing a passageway that went upwards with a light at the end. They went out of it and found themselves out in the middle of nowhere. There were no enemies to be seen whatsoever. Their sprites reappeared as they scanned the metallic wilderness, wondering what to do next. The exiles, meanwhile, congratulated them.

**no one can stand up to you when there's a dozen of you! what did i tell you?**

**Well done, lad. You've made me as happy as a...oh bloody hell, I'm just very pleased with you, son! Wait, you won't know what that means...**

"8==D That was quite an e%travagant pursuit, wouldn't you say?" Horuss declared. But before Rufioh could respond, Horuss suddenly winced in pain.

"what's the matter?" Rufioh asked. Horuss responded after clutching his arm.

"8=D I don't know, but I feel like I am lossing b100d!" he cried. He suddenly found himself in some place far away, where Rufioh couldn't hear his cries of pain as the wounds grew worse.

"D==8 Sawbuck, help me!" Horuss cried, panic in his voice. He began to sweat, and it wasn't because he was excited.

**I'll try, Horuss! I swear up and down I'm not doing anything to cause this! Someone is exploiting my system to harm without actually doing so! And I think I know who it is...hang on, lad! Just do what you can to keep a stiff upper lip, and I'll make the man who's responsible pay for this!**

As Horuss warped around uncontrollably, seeing nothing at first, the face of an ogre, then Rufioh, then the sprites, then back again, he could have sworn he heard a sound that sounded like frustration and someone rising from his chair in anger...which is just what Sawbuck was doing. He had a mission to help this kid, and by George he would do it!

End of ACT 2...PART 1!


	16. Chapter 16

ACT 2 Intermission

A green figure in the Felt mansion sighed and opened the door of his room. No, not that green guy! Crowbar scanned the hallway for others before heading out. No one seemed to be here, except for Doze, who had apparently slowed himself down in order to enjoy his walk. Crowbar sighed and lifted Doze, who was suprisingly light. Crowbar carried Doze down the stairs with him and went into the aptly named communications room from across the hallway. Snowman was loitering at the door, but she didn't enter. It wouldn't be right for her to meddle in a timeline that took place prior to her own.

"Sleep well?" she asked Crowbar, her voice filled with mystery and splendor, at least to Crowbar.

"Yeah,"

Crowbar replied, somewhat breathlessly, unsure if it was because of being in Snowman's presence or because he hadn't been talking much. He felt somewhat ashamed to speak in her presence, because while her voice was smooth and rich his own was high-pitched, stuffy, and overtly dignified.

"I needed it. Master's been giving me a hard time. Took forever to convince him I needed rest."

"Forever," Snowman said, "Is a word whose definition fades from our master's ears. I thought you knew that."

"Right. Have you been keeping track of the others?"

"I go in from time to time to check on them. The only reason I'm here now was to greet you. I heard you coming." Crowbar smiled, a facial expression very rarely seen in the mansion, and usually for good reason.

"Thank you. But you forgot about Doze," he reminded her, his tone of voice turning somewhat grim at the mention of his name. Without warning he took out his crowbar and whacked Doze on the hat, speeding him up to everything else.

"uuuuuuuuh...thaaaaaaanks fooooooor nooooooot hiiiiiiitiiiiiing meeeee oooooon theeeeee heeeeeeaaaa-" Doze began.

"'Yes, yes, you're welcome, Doze!" Crowbar snapped. "If you wish to join the rest of us, I'll be in the communications rooom. Master probably didn't assign you a troll because of your sheer incompotence, but I'm sure I can make you useful somehow."

"He's not incompotent, just slow," Snowman said gently. "See you around, Crowbar. Good luck." And with that Snowman vanished.

"Thaaaaaank yoooooouuuuuuu, Snoooooowmaaaaan," Doze said long after she had left. Crowbar scowled at him.

"Now look what you made her do!" he cried.

"Iiiiiii diiiiiidn't doooooo aaaaanyyyyyythiiiiiing," Doze protested as he followed Crowbar inside the communications room. Already Crowbar could see that things were in a bit of disarray. Itchy was nagging at Kankri.

"nonononononoclimbackupclimbackupclimbackup!getimgetimgetimgetimgetimgetimgetimget-" Itchy protested rapidly.

"What's going on?" Crowbar asked.

"kankrineedstofightboboandclimbupamountainandimtryingtohelpbuthekeepscrewingupandthewhitegirlhastohelphimit'llbeawhilebutwhenhe'sdonei'llspeedupthectobiohwhatchamacallit!"

Crowbar nodded, pretending that he understood.

"You catch any of that?" he asked Doze.

"Iiiiiitchyyyyyy saaaaaiiiid thaaaaaat heeeee's tryyyyyiiiiiing toooooo-" Doze began.

"Never mind," Crowbar sighed. Glancing at the far end of the room, he growled at what he saw. Trace, Finn, Die, Matchsticks, Biscuits, Quarters, and Cans were all playing poker! That left only 5 Felt members actually working! He slammed his crowbar on the table they were using in anger. "All right, everybody back to your posts! I'm back, and I mean business this time!"

"Aww, but we were just having fun," Biscuits protested. "I can't get to the yellow one because there are already a bunch of other voices in his head! He can't hear me!"

"Are you actually typing the words out, or are you just thinking them?!" Crowbar demanded.

"Oh. That could be it. I'll try that next, as soon as we finish this hand. What do you got, everybody?" Biscuits asked.

"Hey, I'm the dealer, I ask that question!" Quarters cried. "What do you got, everybody?" he added, repeating Biscuits' question in a different context. Crowbar growled again, then realized what he could do to end this.

"Gaaaahh! Finn's got the winning hand, he almost always does, unless Itchy's playing! It's a full house!" Crowbar declared, spoiling the outcome of the game.

"I'm afraid he may be right," Finn said as grimly as ever, his sharp eyes fixated on his crewmates. "I see some of us returning to our posts. But not Trace and I just yet." The other Felt members groaned and returned to their computer monitors, occasionally typing in words of advice or help to the trolls under their protection.

"And what about you two?" Crowbar demanded of the sharks, Trace and Finn.

"We each have a role to play later on, regarding our abilities," Trace replied. "I will be helping the Bard on his journey through the past with Die. He doesn't actually have anyone, you know, and neither does Matchsticks."

"Stitch needs some assistance with killing a boy that his troll lusts after," Finn explained. "I will be tracking him down for them. The boy is the Page, under Sawbuck's guidance."

"Good, good, I don't really care. Just get to work so that Master won't think we're slacking off!" Crowbar cried.

"You're one to talk," countered Trace. "I've been looking at your past trail, and you haven't used the monitors once! Your troll has had to go on without you! Some exile you turn out to be!"

"I see him helping his troll very soon," Finn told Trace. Crowbar sighed. He was starting to get fed up with time shenanigans. Frankly, he wished there was a way to permanently seperate Trace and Finn unless he needed them to work together; with their combined knowledge there was no telling what could be done.

"Finn, you're just saying that so that I'll do it! You don't actually see me going there!" Crowbar cried.

"If I hadn't mentioned it you would still be going there," Finn argued. Crowbar slammed his crowbar on the floor in anger.

"Fine. I'll go help my troll, not that she would need it. Just stop harassing me about it!" Crowbar sat down at his computer, where he could see Meenah. He finally spoke to her:

. . . . .

**Hello.**

Meenah ignored the voice and went on with eating a plate of fresh-caught fish.

**I'm not just some voice in your head. I'm actually talking to you! ****ANSWER ME!**

"S)-(ELL DO YA WANT?!" Meenah cried in fright, quickly composing herself.

**Listen to me, whatever your name is. I'm not a figment of your imagination. It probably isn't great enough to think up me anyway. My name is Crowbar. I'm not bothering with details, but from what I've heard you're the tough one. How true would you say this? Be honest!**

"does an oyster make pearls? course' i am the badbass of the team!" Meenah replied.

**I just needed a yes or no. No aquatic metaphors needed. Now get me up to speed. What have you been doing?**

"why should you know? you another game helper or some shit?"

Meenah asked. "i don't need much kelp if that's what you're thinkin'. i ain't no handicap!"

**Just tell me what you've done, you stubborn brat!**

"with that attitude you gonna sink,"

Meenah replied sassily.

**Guh. Fine. Could you PLEASE tell me what it is that you've been doing? I need to know so that I can make-recommend something for you to do.**

"shore, if you glub off soon after. i followed my sprite to my Quest Bed, but beach-ass Megido went and tried to have me killed when I went to sleep! went to Derse and met black jack and his goons. told'em to go kill off Megido and catgirls' dreamselves, and they've done half of that by killin' the second one. now i'm just chillin' till they get the big bitch herself. meantime i been usin' their monitors to bait everybody into wreckin' their shit up! Porrim's gonna go kill Horuss by killing a doll she made-i dunno how that works, zactly-and i just gave damara a friendly reminder about how her buoyfrond went and left her for a dude! also, guess i can tell you i'm takin' the Queen's ring for myself! that is one fabulous trinket i've just gotta have!"

**So you're with the Midnight Crew, then? Good. I know this sounds a little sudden, but I think it'd be best if we got them out of the way. They could ruin your session, especially if one of them gets the ring. Isn't that what they want you to give them? You're right to take it for yourself. In fact, why don't you do it right now, before the Witch is killed? Even the best assassins can fail.**

"know where you're comin' from. had that happen to me plenty before the game. what the shell, i'll just go kill the fake-ass black queen. goin' to Derse right now, water of fact."

**Great idea. But how about you just take her ring and leave her be?**

Meenah did as she had suggested and went to sleep, waking up on Derse. She found that she was still asleep in the Midnight Crew's player monitoring room, undisturbed. She immediately whipped out her trident and said to Courtyard Droll, Jack Noir, and Draconian Dignitary, who were just in the next room:

"you guys still gonna get megido for me, but change a plans. black queen's dyin' now!" Meenah cried, her eyes burning with avarice.

**Meenah, while I usually am a strong advocate for violence, perhaps now it would be better to simply negotiate-oh, you're not listening, are you?**

"Be my guest," Jack said, smiling as menacingly as she was. DD glanced at CD and said:

"Boss, the ring-"

"We'll talk about it later. I wanna watch the Queen's head roll to the floor!" Jack cried. He followed Meenah out into the throneroom and watched from a distance. The Black Queen was already up from her throne, towering above her would-be killers.

**Meenah, stop!**

"It was unwise to all enter the Medium so quickly," she said. "Perhaps you could have killed me before I grew too powerful. But it is too late now," she said. Meenah pointed her 2X3dent at the Queen, and she responded by beginning the fight. Spreading her cape behind her, the Queen flew at breakneck speed towards Meenah, who jumped out of the way and tried to stab her from the side with her 2X3dent. This failed because the Queen was too fast. Jack watched the battle eagerly, eyeing the combatants enviously. Both paid him no heed.

**WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME?!**

The Queen fired shots from her pistol at Meenah when she came to halt near her throne, and Meenah dodged each blast, moving forward with each movement. The Queen intercepted her on the last jump, however, and punched her out of the air. Meenah fell to the floor, and the Queen unleashed her Red Miles on her. The tendrils of the attack obliterated the decorations of the throneroom and made the entire palace floor barren of any ornamentation. Meenah groaned in pain when one of them hit her, but she held on and swung her trident upwards, then downwards onto the approaching Queen, breaking the helmet she wore. Meenah gleed joyfully when she saw the blades puncture her carapace head and slice through her body. But when the skin of the Black Queen came off, 3 more Queens emerged from the corpse, each just as powerful as the first one had been. The first of the 3 Queens charged at Meenah, the other two firing plasma shots and the Red Miles. Meenah was hit by the blasts, now beginning to grow desperate.

**How will this play out...? You'd think being the leader of a time-based gang, I'd know...**

"COULD USE A LITTLE KELP OVER )-(ERE!"

she cried. Jack snapped out of his trance and withdrew his iron horse cane thingy. DD also appeared and took out a machine gun. Each of them took on a Queen. Meenah rushed at hers and stabbed hers with her trident, and the Dignitary nearly emptied his rounds on the unsuspecting Queen he had targeted. Jack screamed like a madman (well, he is one) and whacked the Queen on the helmet with his horse thing. Meenah leaped on the cape of her Queen as she took the air, causing her to drop her plasma pistol. She took her trident and jammed into her back, tearing off the wind-up key that was there. Her Queen fell dead. Draconian Dignitary fired his remaining bullets at the already dying Queen, punching her in the face before she could activate the Red Miles. Although the second Queen was finally dead from blood loss, the 3rd still had enough time to release the same attack. After all, how hard is it to fend off a guy with an iron horse thingy? This final Queen launched her Red Miles at knocked everyone away with the force of the blast. This one was more powerful than the last, creating a gaping hole in the wall of the palace. Meenah was the first to recover, and when she tried to lunge for her, something unexpected happened:

Activating her wind-up key, the final Black Queen vanished, her ring dropping to the floor when she disappeared. Meenah reached over and picked it up, not bothering to stare in awe at where she had been.

"wat the shell? oh, whale, screw it, i got the ring!"

Meenah cried, as if she had found a very important and valueable item in a video game. Which she had, in fact.

"You mean our ring!" Jack cried. Growling, he ran at Meenah, losing balance. Meenah bludgeoned him once with the trident and he fell to the floor.

"uh, yeah, sorry yall, this ring's mine!"

Meenah cried, jumping out of the window of Derse and flying through the night, leaving Draconian Dignitary to pick up the pieces. He radioed Hegemonic Brute:

"Brute."

"Yeah?"

"You done yet?"

"No."

"Change of plans. We're getting all of them."

. . . . .

Crowbar slammed the door of the communications room and walked out in a huff, hyperventilating, which was usually what he did when he was particulary mad. Finn tried to stifle a chuckle, still finding it funny even though he knew it was what was going to happen.

"And how does this fit into your agenda?"

Crowbar asked no one.

**YOU DO NOT NEED TO QUESTION MY MOTIVES, CROWBAR. THE OTHERS OBEY ME WITHOUT QUESTION. SAVE FOR A FEW.**

"They don't have any other choice! You killed all of us and wiped out our planets, and you made them wipe out the trolls', too, with your sick manipulation and underhanded tactics! I don't know what nonagent the others see you in, but right now I hold you in complete animosity! Abducting and murdering royalty! How could you do such a-oh, wait, of course you can."

Crowbar's voice cracked when he remembered just who he was talking to.

**I DID NOT KILL HER. THE THIEF DID. I HAVE DONE NOTHING, FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE.**

"Yes, but you made them do it! That makes you the one responsible!"

Crowbar cried, knowing that he couldn't possibly make an appeal to his Master on the behalf of justice.

**KNOW YOUR PLACE, MAROON HAT FROG MAN.**

"Fuck you!"

Crowbar yelled. From inside the communications room, he could hear Itchy laughing rapidly, and Doze laughing very, very slowly. He couldn't care less whether they were telling jokes (he knew they had some kind of romantic attachment, but he didn't know or care if one of the troves was in horseshoes or balloons) or simply laughing at him. He sat down on the green floor, his back against a pillar and sighed, pounding his crowbar on the floor as if he were a baby shaking a rattle.

"It's about time you learned." Crowbar looked up. It was Snowman again.

"Were you trying to show me something?" he asked her.

"He said you would see it soon enough."

"What happened after you-?"

"I found myself in what appeared to be the same throneroom," she began. "But I was wearing a different set of prototypings. I realized then that I had somehow ended up in another session, after the Scratch of the one I had been in. It was this session, here. In technical terms, I had gone from A1-the universe you were watching-to A2-this one. When I realized what was going on and saw my new prototypings, I decided that I had had enough of this. To have a wind-up key jammed in your back and have to actually use it is one thing, but to have the eyes of Bilious Slick-that was more than I could bear. I left, becoming an exile here. It wasn't long before we all met up."

"And English gave you immortality," Crowbar added.

"Not literal immortality. But in some senses, yes. But tell me: why did you try to dissuade her? It was of no use, and it would happen whether you wanted it to or not. I don't blame you for my being here; in fact, I should thank you for facilitating it."

Crowbar sighed. "I thought you would know. Doesn't he tell you everything?"

"No."

"I...wanted to at least hinder him. In case you didn't hear from my yelling before, I hate him. Before he spoke to Yaldabaoth and played Sburb on 'Hard mode', each of our planets were one. You heard from him about how he recruited us, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay, well, let me tell you my version of the story. The planet wasn't anywhere near the black hole before-it wasn't even in the Medium. We might have even been in another galaxy. Our planet was broken up and transported to Skaia by Yaldabaoth after he had made his Choice. Each of us leprechauns, no matter what numbers we have now, all lived on the same planet in peace before. We were all one species, and we still are. We look different because we're all subspecies, much like you are-were-with the Prospitans. I mean, doesn't it seem weird to have a single species spread out on 15 different planets?"

"Carapacians lived on two," Snowman reminded him.

"True. Still, I was happy before he came along. I was one of the smart ones. Sevens-that's not literally what my subspecies was called; I'm just talking about all the leprechauns that looked like me-were the born leaders of the planet. The Royal District was on the maroon spot. The enitre planet had been each color of pool balls, as you'd expect. It had been only just a few decades when we had established equality between the subspecies. To be honest, I can't say how well it worked out. It's all a blur now, and I'll bet he has something to do with it. I bet if wasn't so busy ordering all of those knuckleheads around, we could be much more powerful. And we're creatures of time; maybe we could all take him down! No, wait, that's stupid. We could never kill him."

"What was the seperation like?" Snowman asked, trying to keep Crowbar on the same topic.

"I can't really say. One minute we were all one, and then when Caliborn-yes, I'll call him what he was called back then, still harsh then and now-talked to Yaldabaoth, we were 15. It was particularly bad for my planet. We had all been seperated by subspecies, and we Sevens were hit the hardest. We were helpless as our planet drifted into the black hole that was Skaia."

"How did you escape?" Snowman asked.

"I didn't. Yaldabaoth grabbed me, the last of the Sevens, and put me on the black planet, the one where the Eights lived. Before then, I hadn't even seen an Eight! They were...different from the rest of us. Very somber, very quiet. Still, company was all I really wanted. But when Caliborn came to the planet and saw me, he immediately singled me out, knowing that he was required to get one of each subspecies, except for an Eight. I realized that I had been deliberately spared just so that I could be his slave. The same thing had happened to Matchsticks and Quarters. It was heartbreaking each time, seeing each planet blow up. When we got to Cans, it was the worst. The bomb was only a few hours long, and when Caliborn killed everyone on the planet save Cans, that was when he became Lord English as we know him. He slept on his Quest Bed as the planet was destroyed and ascended to God Tier. He took all of us with him and plopped us on a ruined Alternia. Here."

"Are you feeling better, now that you've told the story?"

"Yes. Thank you for listening. Snowman, you're better than the rest of them put together. I don't know if it's because you're one of those fascinating creatures English was talking about-a woman?-or if it's just because you're smart or if it's because you're actually listening, but I like you."

"Oh? I thought your whole race was gay-?"

"Ugh, they always assume that! It's a very simple and safe process, I can assure you, and no explicit activity is involved! We don't even take off our clothes! At least, it isn't biologically necessary. Never mind, it's too complicated to explain. The point I was trying to make is that my feelings for you lean towards a platonic nature. Romance for you would be simply out of the question."

"I see. I believe you wish to form what the trolls call a 'moirailegiance.'"

"Sure, if that's what it's called, then yes."

Just then, a loud slam was heard from the communications room.

"Duty calls," Crowbar said sheepishly. "Also, not a word of this to anyone."

"My lips are sealed." Snowman was already turning transparent when she said that.

Crowbar knew that the slamming sound could only be one thing: Sawbuck rising from his chair in anger. What had made him mad this time? His fat body was waddling over to where Stitch was sitting; a comical and threatening sight at the same time.

"Now see here, Stitch!" Sawbuck demanded, spinning Stitch's chair around so that they faced each other.

"What? I'm juscht following the Bossch's ordersch. We do what we can to take them out when we can, and we help him only when it scherves hisch motivesch."

"Yes, indeed, I'm aware of protocol, but what you have done is just unacceptable to me!"

"How do you think the Bossch'll schee it?"

"I...urk...I don't know...but I'll be damned if I have to sit here and watch Horuss die on my watch!"

"If you ever took the time to lischten to her, you'd find that Porrim is a far schuperior and far more productive young lady than that luschtful oaf you've been helping."

"Horuss is no oaf! To be true, he's a bit of strange one, but if you'd just give the boy a chance you'd see that he is quite the fighter. Why, not too long ago he took down his Denizen with my help! Eggs, your Rufioh was there! Tell him what happened!"

"uh, yeah, uh, eggs helped Rufioh make a dozen of himself! and they all went and made the fight-"

"Overeaschy, yesch, I know. You schay it scho often."

"but that's what happened! i'm not gonna lie and say it was hard!"

"Well Eggs, it wasn't exactly a walk in the park, you know..."

"Don't bother with him, Schawbuck! He'sch a moron! And according to the rulesch, I can take out Horussch. He'sch merely an unimportant Page."

"Yes, but...he's more than that to me. He's...he's like a son to me."

"Wait, what?!"

Crowbar exclaimed. The other Felt members looked up to observe this not-so-unpredictable turn.

"Yes, you all heard me properly. The boy-Horuss-has become very dear to me. I regard him the way a father in alien cultures would regard his male offspring."

"Ridiculousch, Schawbuck. He hasch a luschusch, he doeschn't need you!"

"Yes, but a lusus is more of a guardian and a pet willing to defend you, whereas I watch over him and try to keep him safe. I don't think Horuss understands this, and I certainly don't expect him to, but I care about him. It's a feeling that none of our nonagents and none of their quadrants can describe. And now-oh, great stars, he's dying, and it's all your fault, Stitch! Damn you!"

"Why should I care about schome worthlesch perschon I can only schee behind a schcreen?" Stitch challenged. Sawbuck scowled.

"Land sakes, Stitch, they're only children! What kind of heartless person are you?"

"I'm not heartlesch, Schawbuck. I'm schimply following ordersch, unlike you. You've provided too much help to your patron troll. I schuggescht you justcht let eventsch play out."

"Why, you...fine, then. I'll let things 'play out', if you'll only get her to stop hurting him!"

"Deal," Stitch replied. Sawbuck turned back to his screen.

"Don't worry, lad, I told Stitch to stop! You should stop warping around sometime soon!" he typed into his computer. While his back was turned, Stitch went over and whispered to Finn:

"Thisch isch where you come in. Coax Porrim off her planet and quide her to Horussch."

"Okay. I'll lead her right to him,"

Finn replied. "Don't worry, I'm on your side in this." Crowbar suddenly appeared and hovered over his subordinates.

"What's this I'm hearing?"

Crowbar demanded. Stitch and Finn didn't hesitate to explain their plan.

"He'll come after you both," Crowbar warned them, referring to Sawbuck. "You of all people should know that, Finn."

"I can see us divided in half, on 2 different sides of the room, embittered by our own emotions," Finn said. "Pathetic."

"Schome people, Schawbuck included, think we are schupposched to be helping everyone. Very schilly."

"Yes, but aren't we?" Crowbar asked. Finn and Stitch shook their heads. "Whose side I am on, then?" Crowbar asked again.

"I think you already know," Finn replied.

Crowbar thought for a moment, realizing what Finn and Stitch were making Porrim do. And Finn didn't try to hide what he planned on doing with Kurloz. By forcing the trolls to do things against their will malevolently, who were they emulating? And then he announced to everyone in the room:

"Alright everyone, listen up! There's been some conflict as to what we're supposed to do. So we're branching off. Anyone who wants to follow the Boss' instructions on the left side of the room, anyone who's got a heart goes on the right."

Crowbar went over to the right side of the room, noticing that Sawbuck was on his side. Trace, Clover, Die, Biscuits, and Cans followed him.

"I feel like some of these trolls could examine their past to reconcile with their present state," Trace said.

"Aranea has been ever so lucky. Her luck can't run out just yet!" Clover cried.

"I've got my reasons," Die said simply.

"Biscuits may not be very smart, but he has a heart of golden-brown!" Biscuits chimed in.

"OH YEAH, TEAM SYMPATHY!" Cans cried.

"That's actually not a bad name," Crowbar admitted. "Now, what's going on over there?" he asked Itchy, Doze, Finn, Stitch, Eggs, and Quarters.

"uhyouknowjustgottadowhatijustgottadoandbesideskankrisannoyingbutrealsmartbutreallyboringandstuffandidkindaliketogetridofhimbuthewontdiepermanentlyoranything!" Itchy explained.

"IIIIII'm aaaaaactuuuuuuaaaaalyyyyyy wiiiiiiith yoooooouuuuuu guuuuuuys, iiiiiii juuuuuuust haaaaaveeeeeeen't gooooooooteeeeeeeen oooooooveeeeer theeeeeereeeee yeeeeeet." No one really listened to Doze.

"uh, eggs just had to let rufioh fight Ferrus, but now it doesn't matter because he's going to get beaten up anyway! the boss told me so!" Eggs snapped.

"If Meulin tries to resist Kurloz's control, I'll just trick her into flipping her own coin. I'll just lie and say it's a 'shipping coin' or something," Quarters answered.

And so the Felt were thus divided: Team Apathy vs. Team Sympathy.

End of ACT 2 Intermission

**Author's note: Hope you enjoyed that little intermission! I plan to develop some of the members of the Felt as the story goes along. But for the next few chapters, our focus will be back on the Trolls again. Also, I see that I have some followers now! Thank you for your support!**

**Please keep in mind that some of the Felt-related stuff Crowbar talks about with Snowman was written before Aranea's...report on leprechaun reproduction. I decided not to change after the fact. Hope this doesn't bother anybody, and if it does, tell me so that I can explain myself better.**

**Please review; I really want to know what you all think of this story, and what I could do to fix it up. For example, do I have everybody in character? Do you like Meenah's portrayal? (I found her the most fun to write!) Were the Felt difficult to understand because of their typing quriks? If you're confused about anything, please let me know before I upload more of the chapters I've already written!**

**-the Grand Vizier (me)**


	17. Chapter 17

ACT 2 PART 2

Kurloz ran out of his hive, brandishing a very disturbing weapon: the Cringe Inducer. Basically a battleaxe with a smiley face. Yep. Only a Makara could wield such a thing, and Gamzee's usually too high to hold it properly.

He ran out into the plains of LOPAT, the dark sky and booming thunder doing nothing to slow him down in his pursuit. Seeing an imp out of the corner of his eye, he swung the Cringe Inducer right into it's meek body. The imp died, and Kurloz didn't stop to collect the grist. Why would he motherfuckin care about something stupid like that?! Several more imps appeared out of literally thin air and piled on top of him, only to die as he swung his battleaxe in a deadly semicircle of mirthful death. As a basilisk hovered over him and tried to aim its plasma pistol, Kurloz jumped up and grabbed it by the neck, tearing off its cape. He jumped off the basilisk as it crashed to the ground, dead. Far off in the leveled distance, Kurloz could see his Quest Bed, oddly enough so very close to where his hive was. There were 10 ogres guarding it. Kurloz took his battleaxe as he approached and swung at the legs of the first ogre, slicing them clean off. The second and third ogre tried to aim punches at him, but he simply grabbed the fist of the faster one, ducked out of the way of the second one, and aimed the faster one's fist into the slower one's face. Kurloz then used the battleaxe to kill both of them. The other 7 ogres started for him, but Kurloz took the tusk of the first one and tore it off, lodging it into the skull of another one. After that ogre had died, he took the tusk out and jabbed it into another ogre's chest. Both died from their wounds. As two of the luckier ogres tried to get to Kurloz, he jumped into the air and decapitated them. One of the 3 remaining ogres grabbed Kurloz and knocked the battleaxe from him. The Prince of rage responded to this by kicked the ogre in the face until it loosened its grip, and then Kurloz took the ogre tusk and severed the arm of the ogre that had carried him. Kurloz killed this ogre with a few more fatal gashes from the tusk. The last 2 ogres became frightened and ran away. Kurloz threw the ogre tusk to use it one last time, and the well-aimed throw landed in the back of one of the ogres' necks. The final ogre Kurloz chased down with his battleaxe. When he was close enough, Kurloz took the Cringe Inducer and slammed the blade through the final ogre's skull.

Kurloz then returned to his Quest Bed and stood on it, promptly killing himself with it.

He then woke up on Derse, in his God-tier outfit. He wore a purple garment with frilly-looking leggings. His wings were purple, and they looked a lot like the ones on Gamzee's authentic fake God-tier outfit. Now that he had got the tiger, it was time to get his motherfuckin rage on, if only to destroy it.

**. . . . .**

Kurloz swung his battleaxe at anyone who was near, doing his best to seek out the culprit. Limbs, heads, ribs, all crumbled from the force of the blows the Cringe Inducer. While some Kurloz passed by with minor cuts, others were senselessly murdered. It didn't matter who they were or what they had done; they had just been in his way.

What little reasoning he had told him that it was someone from Derse; only they would have had access to Meulin's dreamself. And that was his only logic that didn't give away to sheer madness. Kurloz moved at a constant speed, killing Dersites like he was an angel of death.

Draconian Dignitary observed the monitors with Jack and CD in shock.

"What in paradox space has gotten into that kid?!" DD asked, nearly losing his usual composure. Jack stared at the viewscreen which showed Kurloz on his rampage, his eyes not leaving the image of the murderous troll.

"I dunno. Probably revenge or somethin'. Main thing is, we're not trusting trolls any longer. You secure things at the palace; I have an axe to grind-into iron filings."

Crap, I shouldn't have hesitated on that witty line, Jack thought.

**. . . . .**

While Kurloz was just beginning his killing spree, someone else had just woken up. Mituna's eyes shot open in the night on LOEW, or at least what passed for night. The colors were usually so bright and vivid that he had no clue how Latula sensed the time of day. But she had insisted that it was night the moment the patches of dark blue started showing up in blotches in the sky, and he had no choice but to trust her.

He found that his head was throbbing with pain, and he could feel his pulse surging in his temples. He had had headaches like this which usually coincided to when something died, even before entering the Medium; but he had suffered a particularly bad one just before going to bed; he hadn't told Latula because he thought it wasn't anything to be concerned about. He had the sense that Doom players usually had this problem.

He stood up from the rug he had been sleeping on, beside Latula's recuperacoon. He had insisted that they hadn't had to share sleeping space, and was kind enough to just crash on the rug. He still felt tired, assuming that he still needed a little more sleep before it was officially "morning", and decided to do some trolling before heading back to bed.

**Unorthodox Advancement (UA) began trolling Anthropomorphic Complexity (AC)**

UA: Meulin? It's me, Mituna. Well, actually, of course you know it's me. Sorry, I just woke up from a nap. Before I slept I had an awful headache, and then when I slept I had a weird dream while I was on Derse, and now the headache's even worse!

AC: (?D?) purrplexing! i've had weird things happen to me, too. but weird in a bad way. some pirates came and raided the pirate ship i was on befur i could get the island i was trying to sail to, and then i went overboard! i could see all of my kitty crew dying...

UA: ...I'm so sorry. You know, that may explain the headache I had. I could've sworn I heard voices in my head, screaming, crying, saying that they were dying. They did sound a lot like cats. One of them even sounded like you. I think that's what happens when you're a Doom player, you get to know when people die.

AC: )':'( it must be awfur, being a Doom player. that's not all there is to it, is there?

UA: Surely not. But I don't really know. While I was sleeping, I saw the HorrorTerrors. You know, the squid monsters that inhabit the Furthest Ring, very close to Derse? They kept saying that there would be a great battle ahead of me. I didn't really know whether to believe them or not.

AC: (^c^) i hope they're wrong! i wouldn't really trust them if i were you. i talked them once, but they were kinda scary and i had no idea what they were saying! maybe they're just trying to see if you're a scaredy cat? ;)

UA: Why would I be afraid? I've got Latula with me.

AC: (3!3) paw, that's so sweet! there's a rumor that you two are now matesprits. is it true?

UA: Well, yes. Latula and I have been together for a while now. We were sleeping together before I was talking to you. No, wait, I don't mean like that!

AC: (%) heeheeheehee! i'll bet you two are so cute! i can't wait to update my shipping wall back at the hive! if i can get back, that is. oh, i furgot to tell you! Purrloz got really mad when i told him what happened with the pirates. i haven't heard from him since. well, okay, i wouldn't have actually heard from him, but you know what i mean!

UA: Yeah. I really forget that you're deaf, almost all the time. How did that happen again?

AC: (HoH) Purrloz was a little careless, it was nothing serious. it's not something to worry about.

UA: I wasn't worrying about it, I was just asking. If you don't want to talk about it, I understand.

AC: (OlO) good. i-have to go now bye!

UA: Well, uh...okay then! Bye! I should be getting back to bed, too!

**Unorthodox Advancement (UA) began trolling Critical Appearifier (CA)**

UA: What's up, Bronus?!

CA: heh heh. you called me Bronus. that's actually kinda funny. well, kinda. Ivwan vwouldn't think so.

UA: Who's Ivan?

CA: one of my newv friends! they're all really nice and accepting of my vwork. literarily speaking (not literally, different vword) i'wve been vwery productivwe.

UA: Good! Maybe someone will read them sometime...soon.

CA: ouch, dude. vwhat a sick burn. vwhich are probably something perfect for that newv rap i'm trying to make.

UA: Oh. Didn't know that was your genre. Oh, well, I guess you learn something new every day. Speaking of new information, I had the craziest dream!

CA: let me guess, you and me vwere-

UA: You weren't in it. The HorrorTerrors were there, on Derse, and they were telling me that I was about to go fight somebody.

CA: vwho? newver heard of the HorrorTerrors. i guess i hawven't been to sleep much to see them.

UA: Oh, they don't vist Prospit dreamers. Weird how you're one of them. Thought you'd be with me on Derse. It's a heck of a lot cooler. They even have a coffee shop where they play jazz on the weekends! There's this great group called the Midnight Crew and-never mind, I'm getting off subject. What do you think the whole thing means?

CA: total carp. dreams don't come true. trust me, i vwould knowv, none of mine hawve. except for the one about finding people who like me.

UA: Oh, come on, you've never dreamed that! Besides, I always thought you were cool. I didn't really like your poems, but I embedded them in my hardrive just to remember you by them. I can just imagine you reciting them to me and some fancy regal seadweller voice, and I'm just falling asleep!

CA: hahahaha! but seriously, one day i'm gonna knock your socks off vwith something, i just knowv it! see ya later, bro! thanks for checking on me.

UA: Anytime, Cronus.

"Total carp, huh?" Mituna said to himself as he reclined back on Latula's rug. He closed his eyes and went to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

When Mituna awoke, he found his body being handled by dozens of tentacles coming from every direction. In front of him was the maw of some sort of cephalopodic monstrosity. Naturally, he screamed, his own voice ringing in his ears as he found the headache just as painful as when he had been trolling.

"What are you doing? Why are you touching me?!" he cried to the eldritch creatures.

"We are preparing you for battle," replied one of the HorrorTerrors. Its voice was a bit difficult to understand over the garbled noises and tentacles flailing about.

"What battle? Are you sure about this?"

"We do not lie. Heir of Doom, you will be facing a great battle very soon. It will be against Prora Methos, a rogue who is now the Denizen of your planet. We are preparing you for the conflict. But first, go to your moirail and make him your ally, so that he will stop his rampage."

"Rampage? What are you talking about? Wait-Kurloz?!" Mituna cried, looking down at Derse. It was hard to make out, but red blood was dotting the dark purple city below him.

"Control your friend's rage and he will be of great assistance in the fight. So will your love. We shall now power you up."

"Power me up?" Mituna asked. The HorrorTerrors took hold of him, and a dark energy surged through his body. Mituna suddenly fell unconcious. The monstrosities placed him on his Quest Crypt, and a single tentacle stabbed him in the head.

Opening his eyes, Mituna examined himself. The HorrorTerrors were gone, but he could feel their presense-and their power-very near him. He was now wearing a dark green robe with a long hood, and he had grown wings. But his horns had also grown drastically, now connecting and extending into points, resembling a crown. The spikes poked made four holes in the Doom hoodie. Now in grimdark/God Tier, Mituna flew down to Derse, knowing exactly what he had to do.

**. . . . .**

Kurloz swung his axe into the wall above Courtyard Droll's head.

"**TELL ME WHY YOU MOTHERFUCKIN' MURDERED MY MEULIN IN COLD MOTHERFUCKIN BLOOD, CARAPACE SCUM!"**

"P-p-please don't hurt me, Prince! I was just following orders! It was-it was Jack! The guy in the office who does all the paperwork! It was him, he did it! He went out to go look for you! Don't hurt me!"

**"YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' WORTHLESS PIECE O SHIT LIFE WILL BE SPARED BECAUSE OF YOUR WICKED COOPERATION. I WILL CEASE KILLING ALL OTHERS SAVE JACK!" **Kurloz declared. He tore yet another hole through the Dersite palace and went back down to the streets.

Jack stood on a rooftop, watching as the Prince came ever closer to him. Whipping out his Ace of Spades card, he tossed it towards the Prince in a flash. Kurloz dodged the throw, but the razor edged card was like a boomerang, and it bore itself into Kurloz's back. The Prince landed on the rooftop falteringly, and Jack took the time to use his ebony sword, standard issue for most soldiers but which Jack could handle pretty well, into Kurloz's side.

Kurloz pulled it out of his side as he dodged a black fist, attempting to stab the sword into Jack while he was supposedly off guard. But as we all know, Jack is never off guard. He dodged the sword stab and grasped his weapon by the handle, getting it back. He grabbed Kurloz's neck and tried to strangle him, but Kurloz took his axe from the ground with his foot and grabbed it as he kicked it upward, sending it crashing into Jack's ribs. The archagent could hear a loud crack as some bones were broken. Releasing his grip on Kurloz's neck, the Prince took the opportunity to raise his axe over Jack's head in an attempt to shatter his skull. For most carapacians, this wouldn't work, because they were wearing their fishbowl helmets, as ordered by the Queens of both worlds, to protect themselves from such blows (and breathe underwater). But Jack had refused to prototype himself (where have we seen that before, hm?), insisting that helmets were useless and bulky, and that he had better weapons than useless plasma pistols. Hegemonic Brute had agreed with him on the pistols, arguing that they weren't brutal enough, and Draconian Dignitary agreed with Jack on the helmets (except he refused to wear them because they were unfasionable and hideous. And how would he have worn his hats?)

But Mituna intervened just in time, slamming his 4 pointy crowned horns into Kurloz before he could kill Jack. Kurloz's axe nearly fell off the building, but Jack managed to grab the heavy weapon despite its weight, and pulled it back up to the roof.

"**WHY DID YOU DO THAT, MITUNA?! I ALMOST MOTHAFUCKIN HAD HIM!" **Kurloz cried.

"**JACK'S DEEDS MUST NOT GO UNPUNISHED! HE WILL SUFFER JUST AS HE HAD MEULIN SUFFER!" **Jack rolled his eyes from behind the trolls. Droll had squealed, big time. Mituna grabbed Kurloz's arms and said to him telepathically:

"Stop! Jack's actions were wrong, but yours were unjustifiable! He had a minion kill one, whereas you killed many more! Is all of this senseless slaughter necessary to avenge Meulin, who is still alive?! Is violence retributed by more violence?! As your moirail, I beg you to end this now! Jack doesn't deserve to die! Please, Kurloz, where's the happy guy I remember? Where is his smile, and his funny nose? Where's the one that valued love over death and revenge? Where did he go?"

"**HE IS LONG GONE, MY GRIMDARK BROTHER," **Kurloz replied. He tried to struggle free from Mituna's grip, but Mituna used his psychic powers to overwhelm Kurloz with sound and pain. Pain from his headaches, the pain of the Dersites that were crying in agony and death, the tears of his matesprit, the sorrow of Crowbar, and the sorrow of Damara. Mituna didn't know where most of these sources of pain and sorrow and suffering were coming from, but he focused them all into Kurloz's mind from his own.

Kurloz may have had no mouth, but he did have vocal chords. His muffled scream would have echoed across Derse if Mituna had not placed a hand over his stitched-up mouth. Mituna embraced Kurloz and placed his other hand on his back, papping him. Kurloz's purple blood and tears spilled on the roof, cascading into the streets below. Jack, meanwhile, stuck his toungue out in disgust at the scene, and struggled to rasie Kurloz's battleaxe.

"**WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?" **Kurloz asked.

"You can redeem yourself," Mituna said. "To me, at least. Come with me." Turning to Jack, Kurloz turned and snatched his axe effortlessly, as if Jack was a butler that had been holding it for him the whole time. The two moirails then flew off together to LOEW to pick up one more friend.

Jack, having been served like a dude on Butler Island, growled.

"Stupid trolls. Gonna kill them all one day when I get the chance, I swear," he said.

**. . . . .**

Damara stood outside on one of the floating watch-like platforms, far from her hive. She had been trying to explore her world, but so far all she had seen were hostile enemies and an empty darkness above and below her. She winced when Lord English suddenly spoke to her:

**WITCH. THERE IS A TIMELINE YOU MUST ELIMINATE. IT INVOLVES THE PSIIONIC. YOU MUST NOT KILL HIM. HE WILL BE NEEDED LATER. BUT YOU MUST WEAKEN HIM SO THAT HE WILL NOT BE AN INCONVENIENCE. GO TO HIS DENIZEN, AND TELL HIM THAT HE MUST FULFILL HIS END OF OUR BARGAIN. HE WILL UNDERSTAND. YOU ONLY NEED TO GO TO LOBMAS; YOU WILL NOT BE TIME TRAVELLING. THE GATE IS BELOW YOU.**

Damara nodded in understanding and jumped off the watch she was standing on. She fell for hours (or at least it seemed like hours) before finally getting the magic balloon entering the gate to LOBMAS.

Upon her arrival, she wandered the planet, noting that it was as equally barrnen of consorts as hers. But at least it was solid ground. She took off her spiked combat heels and let her feet tread the surprisingly soft brain matter-like material. Of course, it wasn't real brains or anything. She went to the spot where her line of sight ended, finding a unsightly brown hill with a hollow in it. She entered the hollow and found a partially transparent tentacle waving in the air, sticking out from the cave wall. She relayed Lord English's message.

_**"Good,"** _replied the creature._** "It feels as if it has been so very long since he gave me his first offer, long before your universe. I accepted to become what I am now; a being of nearly infinite knowledge, almost as great as my power. Of course, because Lord English has given me these gifts, surely he plans to take them away somehow. But no matter; I have devised a plan so that I might live, if not in this timeline, then surely in another one, but sadly as his servant. Had I known that before Lord English's offer, I would have said no. But despite everything, I find that I cannot escape, not even through time. Remember this, young lady. Don't try to escape through time when it is the very aspect that**_** the**_** Lord**** controls."**_

Damara nodded absentmindedly, not wishing to converse with whatever this thing was supposed to be. The tentacle touched her, and almost instantaneously she was back at her hive.

**AWAKE ON DERSE, **Lord English told her**. SOMEONE WILL BE THERE TO TEST YOU.**


	19. Chapter 19

Hegemonic Brute trudged up Damara's dream tower, complaining to himself.

"Why do I always get the tough assassinations?" he thought. "And what's more, Jack's probably gonna make me do more afterwards, if we're following through with that new rule! I mean, we can't possibly kill_ all _of them! They're all probably too tough no-wait, why am I even talking to myself?" HB shut his big mouth and clambered up stealthily (despite his "girth") to the top of the staircase, making sure not to fall down.

Damara was sleeping there soundly. But the moment HB stood over her and whipped out his Hammer of Love (basically a hammer with a heart on the end, with a bladed tip) Damara awoke.

Of course, this always happens to me, Hegemonic Brute thought. Oh, well, at least I'm lucky in love...

Damara wasted no time cutting his head off engaging him in combat. HB swung his hammer and crashed it into Damara's bed right after she absconded from it, destroying it with the power of love. Before he could turn around she had punched him in the back of the head with surprising force, sending him crashing onto the bed. She then pressed his face down on her pillow, attempting to smother him.

"Wt, wt, uh gve, uh gve!" HB cried while his mouth was stuffed in the pillow. Damara released him, and he explained sheepishly:

"Listen, kid, I, uh, I'm not really into this. I mean, you clearly had an advantage-despite your apparent puniness-and I don't wanna get killed. I always have to get the toughest guy, and I hate it. How about you just play dead for a while, and I'll keep in touch with you if you need me?"

"(Perhaps. Did you come from the sea-hag?)" Damara asked.

"Who? Oh, you mean the Thief. Yeah, she told us to do this, back when we're takin' her requests. Cept' now we're not doing that now. Oh, wait, I wasn't supposed to tell you that!"

"(It is fine. I believe that we share a common enemy. What did she do to you?)" she asked.

"I dunno," Brute said as he glanced out her window. His massive jaw dropped in astonishment.

"Who in the name of smooth jazz did this?!" Hegemonic Brute cried. Damara looked out with him and surveyed the corpses in the streets.

THIS IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN, WITCH. RETURN TO YOUR BED AND LEAVE DERSE. YOU HAVE PASSED THE TEST-ALBEIT INADEQUATELY.

Turning to the Brute, Damara said, "(I must go back to sleep.)"

"Eh, okay then. Guess this isn't really your problem, anyway. But if you ever have a minute, just talk to me, okay? But don't tell the others. They're gonna believe your dead. Can you lay low for me?" HB asked. Damara, yet again, nodded. She climbed back into bed, and HB tucked her in.

"Nighty night," Hegemonic Brute said before going back down the stairs with the Hammer of Love.

But Damara was already asleep.

**. . . . .**

When Porrim's slippers made contact with the metal ground of LOTAS, a low, rasping voice spoke to her.

Stitch?

**No. I am Finn. I'm here to assist you. You want to find Horuss on this metal wasteland?**

Yes. Undeniably so+.

**Good. Now listen to me: I know where Horuss will be in the next few minutes, hours from now, and 500 sweeps in the future. Go exactly where I tell you. See that tower in the distance, left of your peripheral vision? Go there, now. That is where his future trail stops...for the moment. Also, don't touch the effigy. It'll miss things up.**

Porrim, her mind clogged with dozens of mental images of a flayed and bruised Horuss nestling in her arms, didn't bother to ask what a future trail was. She ran as fast as she could, thankful that intuition had overtaken fashion in a critical moment like this.

A few yards away from the tower, Horuss came crashing into the metallic ground, his fall broken by his armor. The first thing he saw was Porrim, brandishing a strange black umbrella.

"8==D Porrim?! How strangely, erm, strange for you to be here! Have you seen Rufioh or Buster anywhere? I seem to have been grat00itously wounded and taken on a rather haphazard e%pedition."

Porrim aimed the Penguin's Bane at Horuss, licking her lips devilishly. "Lo+o+ks like that thing Stitch sent me wo+rked after all. Ho+w much o+f yo+ur allegedly virile blo+o+d did yo+u lo+se?"

"8=D E%cuse me? Quite a lot, actually. What sort of thing did this Stitch person send you, e%actly?"

Porrim took out her effigy from her sylladex.

"A way to+ fulfill my greatest fantasies...with yo+u."

"8===D Oh, g00dness! I never realized you t00k a fancy to me! Why, if you had approached me sooner, perhaps we would have made a lovely couple! And you would have the especially e%quisite privelige of dating an indigo b100d! But I'm afraid I must decline your-"

Porrim left her effigy and walked up to Horuss as he was talking, the sweat forming on his skin beneath his armor. She examined the blue badge on his chestplate and ripped it off, stomping it to the ground.

"8=o What did you do that for?! Now I'm no longer under Sawbu%'s protection!" he cried. Porrim aimed her umbrella at the effigy.

"I didn't say they it was red, Ho+russ." And Horuss watched in astonishment as she shot the umbrella's tip through the heart of the effigy.

Horuss gasped as searing pain shot through his chest. The attack had just missed his heart, and he fell to the ground, clutching his chest to try and minimize the blood loss.

"D==8 Stop! You're hurting me!" Horuss cried.

"So+? Haven't yo+u ever been in a kissmesis befo+re?"

"D===8 No...but...it hurts! But it's also...e%hilarating!" Horuss cried. Porrim smiled.

"Meek and passive in ro+mance; I sho+uld've expected it fro+m yo+u. Fo+r o+nce, the wo+man has to+ do+ the wo+rk, eh?"

"D=====8 What are you talking about?" Horuss asked. Porrim rolled her eyes as she scratched at the effigy's back with her nails. Horuss shuddered in pleasure/pain.

"Do+n't yo+u understand anything, stupid male?! I've been lo+o+king fo+r a face-and a bo+dy-to+ represent the sexism Befo+rus had, and its o+pressio+n o+f wo+men. Yo+u are a prime exampe o+f this o+pressio+n, Ho+ry."

"D=======8 Hory?"

"Yes. That's what I'll call yo+u no+w, my little o+bject o+f hate," she said as she punched the effigy in the face. Horus felt the blow, and a bruise appeared on his face.

"Speaking o+f o+bjects," Porrim asked, "Ho+w do+es it feel to+ be treated like o+ne, you chauvinist jade blo+o+d hater?!"

"D=========8 You're insane, Porrim! You need an auspicsisticise!" Horuss said as Porrim slashed at his shoulder with an umbrella.

"Do+n't play dumb with me! Do+n't yo+u remember o+ur little chat to+ get yo+u in the Medium?"

"D===8 Oh, yes, that one. Listen, had I been aware of how cr00d my remarks were, I wouldn't have said them! I'm sorry, Porrim, just stop hurting me!"

"No+! Yo+u deserve this. First, I'm go+ing to+ ravish yo+u, and then I'm go+ing to+ ravage yo+u. Besides, I kno+w yo+u like it," she said, kissing the effigy.

Horuss was afraid of Porrim, but something in him wanted this. And despite his passiveness in the ways of love, he wanted to reciprocate these twisted, black feelings. And so he declared:

"8======D If yo+u hate me so+ much, then why do+n't yo+u kiss the real me?!" he demanded. Porrim turned around, wiped her lips, and grinned fiendishly. As she approached him, Horuss took his sweet time ogling her in a way that would normally be seen as disconcerting, if done by a certain lanky inspector.

Porrim placed a delicate hand on Horuss' cheek, reaching underneath the armor. Horuss, realizing she was close enough, reached out and squeezed her neck. His face leaned forward to kiss her lips, not letting her get the chance to breathe.

"8=========D I certainly hope you have a STRONG neck," he said as her fingers nearly gouged out his eyes.


	20. Chapter 20

Okay, now we're going to take a break from the weird blackrom stuff for a while. I'm sure you're all very disturbed by it. I'm sorry; this is just my interpretation of how it would supposedly work. Although I guess Porrim is just a little too eager.

Meanwhile, on LOTAS, Kankri had finally reached the summit of the mountain with PM. He was mostly unharmed, but she had a few bruises here and there. Leave to Kankri to make others to the hard work, just like a-oh, wait, never mind, Porrim's not here.

"Well, it seems that we have finally reached the t9p," Kankri declared unecessarily. "I w9uld like t9 take the time t9 thank y9u f9r y9ur help s9 far." PM nodded gratefully, too nice to tell Kankri that she could have been triggered by his neglecting to propose a way to repay her somehow. Instead Kankri just hiked up his pants in preparation for the fight.

"Hmm. 6969 appears t9 6e a6sent. It seems I have t9 call f9r him, there6y adhering t9 the triggering myth9s." Kankri took a deep breath and yelled at the top of his voice:

"6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969 6969!"

(Okay, I admit it; I just made Bobo Kankri's Denizen so that I could have him say Bobo a bunch of times. 69 times, in fact.)

Before PM could burst out laughing (you'd be surprised how quickly it takes for Kankri to scream "Bobo" 69 times), a massive apebeast inexplicably appeared. It was huge, hairy, brown-furred, but had no tie saying "DK" on it. Therefore, although we do not have any idea who this mysterious Bobo is (Actually just Bobo from Mst3k), we can at least rule out Donkey Kong.

Bobo slammed his fists into the ground where Kankri was, who dodged only when PM pushed him out of the way. Kankri withdrew his Tazerjets and Knifegun from his sylladex. The Tazerjets hovered around Bobo, firing deadly lazers and WICKED PAPER CUTS YO! Kankri's knives shot into Bobo's thick skin, only wounding him slightly. It would take a lot of mild flesh wounds to take him down.

PM, meanwhile, ran around from behind and whacked him on the hit with her Ivory Bat. Apes, as we all know, respond well to people whacking them on the head to establish superiority. At least they do in Sburb. Bobo shrieked and moaned, swinging his fists into a few of the Tazerjets, destroying them effortlessly. Kankri aimed his Knifegun at Bobo's eyes, but the great ape boss just moved his head out of the way with surprisingly little effort. Bobo opened his hand and sweeped it across the ground, trying to knock him off the mountain. But one of the Tazerjets fired a razor-sharp piece of paper (just go with it, okay?), and Bobo winced briefly from the pain. Kankri acted fast and shot a knife into Bobo's right eye. Bobo screamed from the pain, and while he was trying to resist the pain the Tazerjets fired their lazers into the many mild cuts he had. The searing lasers focused in the open wounds just made Bobo feel even worse. He flailed about blindly before crashing down, unable to hit Kankri because he could hardly see out of his good eye. PM finished the job by clubbing him to death. Bobo then transformed into a massive pile of grist, which Kankri collected. He hiked up his pants when the fight was finished, satisfied with himself.

"If my pants had 6een any l9wer during the c9nflict, I w9uld have easily pr9jected a very pr96lematic 'gangsta' image. Quite triggering." PM rolled her eyes, used to his silly antics by now.

Before either of them could do anything, Bobo suddenly jumped back up to the top of the mountain.

"Strange. I th9ught we had just killed him," Kankri remarked calmly. Bobo did not fight. Instead, he stupidly bared his teeth in a really goofy ape smile and gave an "I Love You" sign in sign language. Or at least what passes for sign language among apes. He then pointed to a sleek chrome spaceship, which was now standing a few feet away.

Kankri was bewildered and of course, somewhat triggered, by these strange occurences, but he dismissed them as mere oddities in the AI of the game constructs. He and PM went inside, and PM manned the controls. They were now ready to head off to the Veil. Not ten minutes out, Kankri put on the sweater Porrim had given him. It was pretty cold in the ship, and there was apparently no way to turn off the AC.

Although they had spotted a few Dersite ships, there were no confrontations; Bobo's ship appeared neutral to them. PM parked on the largest meteor in the Furthest Ring, somehow knowing that it was where Kankri would be ectobiologizing. Following the mail lady inside the meteor, he observed the various equipment needed to fulfill his task.

**okaydontworryeverybodyitchysgonnaspeedupforyaandyajustneedtoknowthathedidwhathewassupposedtodoandnowhesgoingbackandhesgothisorbouttolookatthefights**!

Kankri gazed into his red orb to see what sort of fights his friends would get in next. He saw two:

In the first one he saw a writhing mass of tentacles, held together by a colorful membrane that crackled with electricity. A troll in a dark green robe with a long hood with crown-like horns was the most aggressive of the 3 trolls surrounding the monstrosity, blasting it with energy from its own mind. A second troll was hovering on purple wings, swinging at the tentacles with its battleaxe to sever the frightening limbs that came too close to the group. And a third troll was looking pretty damn fine in a sexy 69dysuit.

"9h, my...what a triggeringly 6eautiful specimen 9f a tr9ll female...! Latula...never 6ef9re have I had the privelige 9f seeing y9u in the heat 9f 6attle, n9t 9nly pr9ving y9ur...finesse in c9m6at, 6ut als9 willingly displaying y9ur...r9mantically stimulating physical features!"

PM turned around at stared Kankri, a little worried.

"9h, Latlula, if y9ur aim was t9 give me a 69ner...I g9t 9ne!" Kankri whispered this last sentence, taking care not to trigger his company with his disconcerting ogling. But then he watched as Latula fell after the monstrosity slammed her to the ground. The one in the dark green destroyed the tentacle, kissing the wounded girl that had been crushed by it. Kankri couldn't hear much in the orb's visions, but he could make out this exchange:

"Are you okay?"

"1m' f1n3. 1'll k33p f1ght1ng w1th you to th3 v3ry 3nd, Tun4."

"Thank you, Tulip. You're more than I could ask for in a matesprit. I love you."

Kankri fumed at the passionate kiss, feeling very cross and triggered. He decided to foucus on the other vision in his orb:

This one showed Porrim and Horuss, locked in blackrom combat. It also showed Rufioh, ramming Porrim with his deadly horns. Kankri looked concerned as the conflict became a 2-on-1 battle.

"Peregrine Mednicant! I need y9u t9 get me t9 L9TAS, immediately! There's a very seri9us impending altercati9n that has triggered my attenti9n. I must attempt t9 avert it!"

PM didn' really understand the context in which Kankri used the word "triggered", but she did as he instructed, figuring she could finally go home if she just did this one last job. It had been quite a long day, and so much mail still had to be delivered.

She wanted to ask about the other 3 trolls, who had been in more important danger, and if Kankri was willing to let them die. But as we all know, carapacians can't speak! So she said nothing.


	21. Chapter 21

Damara awoke to find herself back in her hive, having no clue as to how she had ended up back here. She felt unusually restless, realizing that she hadn't been doing a whole lot on her own planet. Even Lord English had been relaxed his grip on her. She wanted to enjoy this moment of freedom, but she was smart enough to know that it surely wouldn't last long. Perhaps he was waiting for something, she thought. But what would a Lord of Time have to wait for?

She got up from her recuperacoon, tired of being tired and sleeping and doing her Lord's jobs. She capthalogued the Blade of Bitterness and went out of her hive. But she had not taken two steps out when she heard her Master's voice:

WITCH. STAY WHERE YOU ARE. IT IS NOT TIME FOR YOU TO VENTURE OUT YET. YOU MUST LOOK INTO YOUR PAST BEFORE YOU CAN CORRUPT THE PRESENT.

Damara went back inside, infuriated. Sure, she could technically leave, but there was no telling what Lord English would do to her. He could do nothing, or he could obliterate her.

No, he wouldn't, Damara suddenly realized. He would never do such a thing to her, at least not yet. As much as she hated admitting it, she was his pawn, and a good chessmaster never deliberately destroys their own pawns. They may sacrifice them, but they wouldn't punish them with death.

She checked her computer and noticed that someone had been trolling her.

**Cetaceous Catastrophe (CC) began trolling Armegido Associate (AA)**

CC: whazzup huge BITC)-(

you know i know aspout what happened with the Quest Bed

and yo buoyfrond

he's probably clammin with the metal hoof fella right now all over the hive

and they're doin' all those things you wanted to do with him but were too afraid to ask

he's having a whale of time without ya, happy as a clam that you're out of his life

sides you never did much with him anyway i bet

aside from just watching dum-bass cartoons and livin' alone and talkin' about nerd shit

you gettin' my drift? (subtle pun FTW!)

and i ain't lyin gurl

got a look at you man a whale ago. dam fine thang (not!)

and he's tryin' to save his new matesprit (not you) from danger

and you know what the best part is?

i made the danger happen!

coulda made Rufioh get hurt, but i don't see why

he wouldn't stand a chance against me anywave

you wanna stop the kissing they gonna get on when the danger goes away, you gotta go to Porrim

or me if you want, but i don't think you lowbloods can swim

just remember that you brought this on yourself for tryin' to kill me

BYTE! (man that was terrible)

Damara stepped outside once again after reading the message, rasing her head to the black sky above her in anger.

"(I'm going out, whether you like it or not!)" she cried defiantly into the air. "(I have some personal issues to handle, and I know that you won't kill me.)"

**YOU HAVE RESTED FOR LONG ENOUGH. GO WHERE YOU PLEASE. BUT KEEP OBEYING MY COMMANDS.**

Damara went to LOWAC, quickly finding Rufioh's hive sheltered among the trees. She went inside, observing the various memorabilia he stil had, most of it symbolizing a happy time in their relationship. Before it all faded away.

Having extensive time powers even before the Session had begun, she would remember her birth through her dreams, the memory provided to her by the HorrorTerrors. A helpless and sobbing crimson mess of a grub, her lusus had been a particuarly unlucky rat with eyes that matched her own. It was an apathetic creature, and neither of them had taken the time to learn each other's names.

Interaction with other trolls was difficult. Whereas others could join together to at least fill a bucket and have a good time, she failed at this. No one wanted to be with a troll who always "messed things up." Whether it was barging on some bucket-fillers or ruining a surprise party or just being a jerk on a bad day, anyone that could possibly have been "friend" was drawn away from her.

Seeking a new life elsewhere, she went across the ocean and tried to settle with other trolls in a new region, where hardly anyone could understand her. The dialect barrier was impossible to cross, until she arrived in a forest filled with trees and people unfamiliar to her. It was the very physical differences that marked her as an outsider that drew them toward her, particularly a friendly young man named Rufioh.

She interrupted her memories to say his name out loud, as if it would somehow bring him back to her. Had that actually happened, she would have abandoned what she had planned to do to him here, and instead do what she had wanted to do with hiim so many sweeps ago.

There were a few DVDs of various troll animes they had watched together. These were what they had brought them together. To her, they were just cartoons, but to Rufioh they were windows into another world that seemed to make more sense to him. Damara sometimes thought that Rufioh had only liked because she was from the same world as these animes, an avatar of an enviable world made real.

"h*ll no, doll! 1 l1ke because you're you," he had told her. The substance of this declaration of love was minute, but it was all that she needed to confirm their matespritship.

But now, she thought, as the troll anime she had been watching in an attempt to let the nostalgia course through her ears, all of that was gone. He would leave at the end of the night, sometimes to do weird and crazy things with his "weabros", other times to see how HIGH and how far he could fly. But every time he headed west of the forest to the plains, she knew that something was wrong. It didn't take long for her to get suspicious of him.

But she never confronted him about it. She didn't want to shatter what had taken her so long to build up with accusations of red infidelity that could be false.

So she remained silent, until her Lord came to break it.

She and English conversed regularly when she was suffering from a fit of depression and suspicion, which usually began when Rufioh left and ended when he came back. At first he had been benevolent, telling her that he understood, and that she would get her lover back and more if she obeyed him.

So she did. While Rufioh met with Horuss, she went to sleep and traveled in time. Each slumber was a new era, and sometimes even an alternate timeline. There she would get to work starting riots, slaughtering temporally savvy trolls, and even occassionally murdering empresses who seemed to be on the verge of introducing reform. But whatever the reform was, it had already been passed.

Damara soon realized that she was not traveling into various points on the Beforan timeline, but the Alternian. By the time she came to this conclusion, however, her work became a labor, and her employer a harsh demon. Rufioh was almost never mentioned; her new motive to obey her Lord was that she would be allowed to live.

And now, Damara realized as she lay down in Rufioh's wide recuperacoon (to accomodate his horns), her motive would change once more. She knew that Lord English would no longer promise her safety from death. The terms of her eternal contract had changed once more, but she did not know what the knew promise was. Whatever it was, though, she knew that it would be lesser offer.

Like Squeal or No Squeal back home, each offer grew lower and lower the farther you progressed as your options became limited.

Brandishing the Blade of Bitterness, she waited.

"(When you return, Rufioh, I will no longer love you. But until then...")

**. . . . .**

Rufioh himself, meanwhile, under Sawbuck's direction, was led to where the two blacklovers where love-fighting.

Fly as fast as you can, lad! Egad, they're starting to take clothing damage! Just a half-mile left!

Rufioh wasn't sure how long a mile was, but the sound of clothing damage didn't sound too good. He had never really had an extensive kissmesis before, but he had seen enough troll black hentai to know how badly one could get.

Was he cut out to be an auspicetice? he thought. Certainly not. There was only one option left that could oust this bad romance once and for all...

"stop, you trashy b*tch!" Rufioh cried. Porrim stopped fumbling with a Horuss' helmet, her dress torn to expose most of her legs and he with his armor sporadically lying on the ground.

"8==========D Rufioh! You are just in time to join in! Alternatively, you could also save me from this pleasurable nightmare!" Horuss cried before Porrim knocked him to the metal ground. His helmet fell off, and his long, previously trapped hair mane was dirtied by the cruel metal ground.

"you s1ck jade sl*t! what are you do1ng to h1m?!" Rufioh cried. Porrim leaped up to reach Rufioh, pinning him down to the ground.

"What do+es it matter to+ yo+u? This is a black ro+mp, no+ a red o+ne. Go+ be effeminate so+mewhere else."

"oh, hell no! d1d you just call a dude w1th a rad mohawk and a bangarag1n' bod effem1nate?! now you've gone too far!" Rufioh cried.

"I'm just info+rming yo+u o+f the truth abo+ut yo+ur girly crap. O+n seco+nd tho+ught, perhaps andro+geno+us wo+uld be mo+re appro+priate."

"oh, 1t's on l1ke f1duspawn!" Rufioh cried, whipping out his Fiduspawn cards from his sylladex.

"I do+n't have any o+f tho+se. Ho+w's this go+ing to+ wo+rk?" Porrim demanded.

"Yo+u'll see, Tsundere-b1tch," Rufioh said. Before Porrim could learn the weird anime vocabulary, an epic battle had begun!

**RUFIOH WOULD LIKE TO BATTLE!**

**RUFIOH SENT OUT WOOD IMP! (LVL. 45, 125/125 HP)**

**WHAT WILL PORRIM DO?**

**NO! THERE'S NO RUNNING FROM A TRAINER BATTLE! (TOUGH LUCK, TSUNDERE-B*TCH!)**

**PORRIM USED SWEET KISS!**

**RUFIOH'S WOOD IMP BECAME CONFUSED!**

**THE WOOD IMP IS CONFUSED!**

**IT HURT ITSELF IN ITS CONFUSION! (117/125)**

**PORRIM USED WAKE-UP SLAP!**

**WOOD IMP TOOK 45 DAMAGE! (72/125)**

**WOOD IMP SNAPPED OUT OF ITS CONFUSION!**

**WOOD IMP USED SUBSTITUTE! (41/125)**

**PORRIM USED MEGA KICK!**

**PORRIM'S STILLETTO HEEL MUTLIPLIES ATTACK BY 1.5!**

**PORRIM'S ATTACK BROKE THE SUBSTITUTE!**

**RUFIOH USED ONE SUPER POTION!**

**THE WOOD IMP WAS HEALED! (125/125)**

**PORRIM USED MEGA KICK!**

**WOOD IMP TOOK 105 DAMAGE! (20/125)**

**WOOD IMP USED WOOD HAMMER!**

**PORRIM TOOK 78 DAMAGE! (111/189)**

**THE WOOD IMP IS HIT WITH RECOIL!**

**THE WOOD IMP FAINTED!**

**PORRIM GAINED 1234 EXP. POINTS!**

**RUFIOH SENT OUT STONE BASILISK! (LVL. 60, 172/172 HP)**

**STONE BASILISK'S SPEED DEMON LETS IT ATTACK FIRST WHEN IT IS SENT OUT!**

**STONE BASILISK FLEW UP HIGH!**

**PORRIM USED STITCH UP!**

**PORRIM WAS FULLY HEALED! (189/189)**

**PORRIM'S DEFENSE ROSE BY 1!**

**PORRIM USED STITCH UP!**

**PORRIM GAINED 0 HP!**

**PORRIM'S DEFENSE ROSE BY 1!**

**STONE BASILISK USED FLY!**

**PORRIM TOOK 29 DAMAGE! (160/189)**

**PORRIM USED PENGUIN'S BANE!**

**STONE BASILISK TOOK 145 DAMAGE (27/172)**

**RUFIOH USED ONE SUPER POTION!**

**STONE BASILISK WAS HEALED 70 HP! (97/172)**

**PORRIM USED MEGA KICK!**

**STONE BASILISK TOOK 98 DAMAGE! (HOW UNFORTUNATE!)**

**A CRITICAL HIT!**

**STONE BASILISK FAINTED!**

**PORRIM GAINED 5678 EXP. POINTS!**

**RUFIOH SENT OUT EMERALD OGRE! (LVL. 75, 250/250)**

**PORRIM USED PENGUIN'S BANE!**

**IT'S NOT VERY EFFECTIVE...**

**EMERALD OGRE TOOK 17 DAMAGE! (233/250)**

**EMERALD OGRE USED HAMMER ARM!**

**PORRIM TOOK 139 DAMAGE! (21/189)**

**EMERALD OGRE'S SPEED FELL BY 1!**

**PORRIM USED STITCH UP!**

**PORRIM WAS HEALED 80 HP! (101/189)**

**PORRIM'S DEFENSE ROSE BY 1!**

**PORRIM USED SWEET KISS!**

**THE EMERALD OGRE BECAME CONFUSED!**

**THE EMERALD OGRE IS CONFUSED!**

**IT HURT ITSELF IN ITS CONFUSION! (224/250)**

**PORRIM USED WAKE-UP SLAP!**

**IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!**

**EMERALD OGRE TOOK 118 DAMAGE! (106/250)**

**EMERALD OGRE IS CONFUSED!**

**IT HURT ITSELF IN IT'S CONFUSION! (97/250)**

**PORRIM USED WAKE-UP SLAP!**

**IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!**

**EMERALD OGRE TOOK 117 DAMAGE!**

**EMERALD OGRE FAINTED!**

**PORRIM GAINED 9012 EXP. POINTS!**

**PORRIM GREW TO LEVEL 60!**

**HP: + 4 (NOW 193)**

**ATTACK: + 3 (NOW 134)**

**DEFENSE: +4 (NOW 127)**

**SPECIAL ATTACK: + 1 (NOW 72)**

**SPECIAL DEFENSE: +4 (NOW 167)**

**SPEED: +5 (NOW 178)**

**RUFIOH IS OUT OF USEABLE GAME CONSTRUCTS!**

**PORRIM IS THE WINNER!**

**RUFIOH GREW ANGRY!**

As the text above states, Rufioh was mad. How could Porrim defeat his Pokemon minions so easily?

"screw the f1ght! 1'm not leav1ng Horuss alone w1th you! You'll k1ll h1m!" Rufioh cried. Porrim stood her ground, only seeing Horuss as a valueable treasure that she couldn't depart without.

"He's in my custo+dy no+w. Unless yo+u can so+meho+w gain the co+urage needed to+ get him back."

"what are you talk1n' about? 1'm st1ll bangarang, and you're wounded from battl1ng my all1es. th1s'll be a p1ece of 12th per1gree cake. Horuss, get up!"

"8==D Rufioh, I am not sure if a battle is-"

"Get over here 1f you wanna l1ve, man!" Rufioh ordered with tremendous self-confidence. Horuss got up and stood at his side, trying to piece his armor back on. Porrim was unafraid.

"It sho+uldn't be to+o+ hard, fighting bo+h o+f yo+u at o+nce," she said. "I'ts really just o+ne o+n o+ne, anyway. Ho+ry's helpless as lo+ng as I have the effigy," she said, captchaloging it. "But I do+n't think I'll need it."

"whatever," Rufioh said, glancing at her and Horuss.

"8===D All set, everyone?" Horuss asked. They both nodded. But before they could begin, they saw a ship hovering the sky, landing between the combatants. Kankri stepped out and briefly gave a salute to PM before it took off for Prospit.

"6ef9re we all 6reak 9ut int9 vi9lence, may I suggest an alternative?" Kankri said 69ldy. "I am willing to c9nduct as an auspictice in this scenari9."

"you can do whatever you want, after her learns a lesson about blackrap1n' another troll's bro," Rufioh said.

"Very well," Kankri said, hiking his pants up in response. "I have n9 ch9ice 6ut t9 sh9w thr9ugh vi9lence-th9ugh triggering as it may 6e-that its 9pp9site is the pr9per s9luti9n t9 this 6izarre r9mantic skirmish," he declared.

"Kanny, sweetie, thanks fo+r the help, but yo+u sho+uld really stay o+ut o+f this," Porrim suggested. "I wo+uldn't want yo+u to+ get hurt."

"no, let h1m come aga1nst us," Rufioh said. "a fa1r f1ght's cool by me. 1f you guys w1n, we settle 1t your way. 1f we w1n, we settle 1t my way."

Horuss, my boy, are you sure you should let this go on? Sawbuck asked.

"8=D Yes. I trust that the fight will go e%ceptionally well in whichever direction it needs to acheive peace," Horuss replied.

okaycomeonletsgetthisshitoverwith!

"Itchy, this is a very delicate affair. In this scenari9, pandering t9 the enemies wishes may all9w me t9 instigate a m9re effective auspicetism later 9n," Kankri replied, hiking up his pants again.

Usch the effigy only when abscholutely nescheschschery, Porrim.

"I kno+w."

eggs doesn't have to tell you what to do next, does he?

"naw, man, 1 got th1s!"

And so Round 2 began.

**YOU ARE CHALLENGED BY RUFIOH NITRAM AND HORUSS ZAHHAK!**

**RUFIOH NITRAM (LVL. 65, 230 HP)**

**HORUSS ZAHHAK (LVL. 67, 285 HP)**

**PORRIM MARYAM (LVL. 60, 189 HP)**

**KANKRI VANTAS (LVL. 63, 269 HP)**

**KANKRI USED REFLECT! (DON'T ASK)**

**PHYSICAL MOVES ARE CUT IN HALF!**

**PORRIM USED SWEET KISS ON HORUSS!**

**HORUSS BECAME CONFUSED!**

**HORUSS IS CONFUSED!**

**IT HE HURT ITSELF HIMSELF IN ITS HIS CONFUSION (274/285)**

**RUFIOH USED DEFOG!**

**THE FOE'S REFLECT EFFECT FADED!**

**KANKRI USED X DEFEND! HIS DEFENSE INCREASED!**

**PORRIM USED WAKE-UP SLAP ON HORUSS!**

**IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE! (189/285)**

**HORUSS SNAPPED OUT OF ITS HIS CONFUSION!**

**HORUSS USED IRON DEFENSE!**

**HORUSS' DEFENSE SHARPLY ROSE!**

**RUFIOH USED AGILITY!**

**RUFIOH'S SPEED SHARPLY ROSE!**

**RUFIOH USED HORN CHARGE ON KANKRI!**

**A CRITICAL HIT! (172/269)**

**RUFIOH IS HIT WITH RECOIL! (205/230)**

**HORUSS USED IRON HEAD ON PORRIM!**

**PORRIM TOOK 58 DAMAGE! (131/189)**

**KANKRI USED YAWN ON RUFIOH!**

**RUFIOH BECAME DROWSY!**

**PORRIM USED PENGUIN'S BANE ON RUFIOH!**

**RUFIOH TOOK 65 DAMAGE! (140/230)**

**RUFIOH USED ONE FULL RESTORE!**

**RUFIOH WAS FULLY HEALED!**

**RUFIOH FELL ASLEEP!**

**RUFIOH IS FAST ASLEEP.**

**HORUSS USED CLOSE COMBAT ON KANKRI!**

**ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE!**

**KANKRI TOOK 96 DAMAGE! (76/269)**

**PORRIM USED MEGA KICK ON HORUSS!**

**A CRITICAL HIT! HORUSS TOOK 88 DAMAGE! (101/285)**

**RUFIOH IS FAST ASLEEP.**

**HORUSS USED ONE AWAKENING!**

**RUFIOH WOKE UP.**

**PORRIM USED ONE HYPER POTION!**

**KANKRI WAS FULLY HEALED!**

**RUFIOH USED AERIAL ACE ON PORRIM!**

**PORRIM TOOK 78 DAMAGE! (53/189)**

**KANKRI USED SCALD ON RUFIOH!**

**RUFIOH TOOK 49 DAMAGE! (181/230)**

**RUFIOH SUSTAINED A BURN!**

**RUFIOH WAS HURT BY HIS BURN! (166/230)**

**RUFIOH USED EGGS' JUJU!**

**RUFIOH'S EVASIVENESS DRASTICALLY ROSE! +3**

**HORUSS USED CLOSE COMBAT ON KANKRI!**

**IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!**

**KANKRI TOOK 117 DAMAGE! (152/269)**

**KANKRI USED HELPING HAND!**

**PORRIM'S ATTACK SHARPLY ROSE! +2**

**PORRIM USED PENGUIN'S BANE ON RUFIOH!**

**RUFIOH TOOK 115 DAMAGE! (51/230)**

**RUFIOH WAS HURT BY HIS BURN! (36/230)**

**RUFIOH USED HORN CHARGE!**

**A CRITICAL HIT!**

**RUFIOH IS HIT WITH RECOIL! (18/230)**

**PORRIM FAINTED!**

**KANKRI'S SOCIAL JUSTICE ABILITY BOOSTS HIS ATTACK AND SPECIAL ATTACK BY 3 WHEN A COMERADE HAS FAINTED!**

**HORUSS USED CLOSE COMBAT!**

**HORUSS' ATTACK MISSED!**

**KANKRI USED YAWN!**

**HORUSS BECAME DROWSY!**

**RUFIOH IS HURT BY HIS BURN!**

**RUFIOH FAINTED!**

**HORUSS FELL ASLEEP!**

**HORUSS IS FAST ASLEEP.**

**KANKRI USED SCALD!**

**HORUSS TOOK 45 DAMAGE! (56/285)**

**HORUSS IS FAST ASLEEP.**

**KANKRI USED EX. SPECIAL!**

**HIS SPECIAL ATTACK INCREASED BY 1.5!**

**HORUSS IS FAST ASLEEP.**

**KANKRI USED SCALD!**

**A CRICITICAL HIT ON ALL THE EXTRA RUFIOHS!**

**HORUSS TOOK 68 DAMAGE!**

**HORUSS FAINTED!**

**RUFIOH AND HORUSS CAN NO LONGER BATTLE!**

**KANKRI AND PORRIM ARE THE WINNERS!**

**KANKRI GAINED 0 EXP. POINTS!**

**RUFIOH GAVE HIS MOST VALUEABLE FIDUSPAWN CARD AS PAYMENT.**

**HORUSS GAVE HIS MOST E%OTIC MUSCLEBEAST PAINTING AS PAYMENT.**

**RUFIOH WHITED OUT!**

**HORUSS BLACKED OUT!**

**PORRIM JADED OUT!**

**KANKRI DIDN'T DO ANYTHING OUT, BECAUSE THAT MIGHT BE TRIGGERING TO SOMEONE!**

"Well, are we stil adhering t9 the terms 9f the agreement?" Kanrki asked.


	22. Chapter 22

Meulin explored the jungle of her new island, hoping to find the supposed treasure quickly. It was no longer a matter of exploring a place and going home; she had a feeling that she would be able to survive only if she found the treasure, whatever it was.

The jungle itself was typical of those found on Earth; verdant, colorful, and mazelike. Various creatures Meulin couldn't name or even see up close darted around from above and below her line of sight. She paid little interest in them, following the sandy path through the jungle to a small clearing.

The clearing was almost completely circular, with a stripe of green running through the otherwise sandy circle. Rather than being a tan color, like the sand on the beach, the sand here was white. Meulin dug with her Kitty Claws into the sand until they scracthed at solid wood. She pulled the treasure chest out from the ground and opened it. Inside lay 6 coins: one was dark red on one side and fuchsia on the other, another was brown on one side and lavender on the other, the third was yellow on one side and violet on the other, the fourth was olive-green on one side and indigo on the other, the fifth was scarlet on one side and blue on the other, and the last was jade on one side and aquamarine on the other.

"(^-^) shipping coins!" Meulin cried. "i bet these are suppurrsed to correspond to everybody's blood color! It shows who everybody's going to be shipped with! Yay!"

**Exactly. They're shipping coins. Flip them and stuff to make the pairings come true. If you don't want them coming true, however, I suggest you leave the coins be.**

"(I-I) okay. wait...why does mine say i'm with Puruss? i mean Horuss?"

**You just never know how it could happen, but the coins don't lie. It doesn't have to be a matespritship; it could be some other quadrant.**

"(&o&) you could be right! Say, who are you, anyway? A tasty mouse?"

**No, I'm Quarters. I'm a game construct you can't see that buried the treasure. Good thing you found it.**

"(0u0) I'm glad, too! but how will these take me back to my hive?"

**They won't, but your reward for finding them is a boat. Go back to the coastline and see!**

Sure enough, Meulin was rewarded a boat by Quarters for getting his coins and talking to him. What she didn't realize, though, was that she was being deceived so easily...

**. . . . .**

Kankri, Porrim, Rufioh, and Horuss were all gathered in Horuss' hive, seated at the table in his burnt respiteblock.

"8===D I apologize for not having cleaned up the place before your arrival. I was not e%pecting company."

"It is accepta6le; I see n9thing in here capa6le 9f triggering me. What a69ut y9u tw9?" Kankri asked Porim and Rufioh. They neither spoke or made contact with each other.

"I see. Well, let's c9mmence the neg9tiati9ns," Kankri said. "I will n9w remind all 9f y9u that the t9pic 9f discussi9n is in regard t9 the safety and well-6eing 9f H9russ Zahhak, as well as the rec9nciliati9n 9f quadrant-related c9nflicts, such as the 9ne we engaged in previ9usly. The res9luti9n we reach must have H9russ' appr9val."

"8===D You mean my app-hooval," Horuss corrected.

"9h! I'm terri6ly s9rry if my inc9rrect w9rd usage triggered y9u in s9me way."

"8===D It is fine. I remained untriggered."

"G99d. Let us 6egin," Kankri said, turning to Porrim. Glaring at the others, she said:

"Listen, Kanny, this is cute and all, but I really do+n't see why we're do+ing this. I've had eno+ugh time to+ think, and I've realized that maybe I was being to+o+ fo+o+lish. All alo+ng I was just using Ho+russ as a place to+ vent o+ut my frustratio+ns abo+ut what I tho+ught was injustice. It's even dumber no+w that I realize that no+ne o+f that matters no+w that we're in a co+mpletely different wo+rld. I'm so+rry fo+r co+ming o+ver here just to+ hurt yo+u, Ho+russ. And I'm so+rry I dragged yo+u into+ this, Kanny. I sho+uld've kno+wn that yo+u'd find so+me way to+ get invo+lved. And Rufio+h..."

"what, doll?" Rufioh asked. ready to adm1t that you were be1ng a psycho-ass b1tch?"

"Rufi9h, there will 6e n9 attempts t9 trigger any9ne at this meeting!" Kankri cried.

"No+, no+, it's o+kay. He's right. I was psycho+ic. I can't believe I was even capable o+f such barbarity."

"8===D All is forgiven. Your savage lower b100d and lustful fantasies typically e%hibited by an aggressive mare-er, woman-such as yourself could not be resisted forever. Perhaps the e%ile that gave you the effigy was being very-"

"What did yo+u say to+ me?!" Porrim demanded.

Yesch, Porrim. Feel the hatred flow in you. You schtill have the effigy...

"dude, stop d1gg1n' your own grave!" Rufioh cried.

"H9russ, cease these triggering statements at 9nce!" Kankri cried, actually banging his fists on the table. Horuss did not cease and desist, much to everyone else's dismay.

"8==D I should be allowed to speak my mind. Porrim, you have no reason to be mad. I have already forgiven you of your transgressions against me, in part because they...gave me the pleasure of e%periencing a quadrant generally unfamiliar to me. I thank you for that, Porrim, and hope to...engage you in the future."

"What? No+! Didn't yo+u hear me, o+r yo+ur sweat clo+gged po+res blo+cking o+ff so+und?"

"8====D Perhaps my perception would be better if you would take the time to fi% your mess of hair in such a way that it does not block sound with size."

"There's no+hing wrong with my hair!"

Feel free to usche it whenever you want to.

"8=======D If you insist on such f001ishness, then perhaps you would prefer stripping me of my saddle and scratching at my coarse skin until the sweat dries away?"

"Actually, no. I'd rather just wring your neck, to get back at you for doing the same to me!"

Although it would not be like the real thing, the effigy can provide an adequate schubschtitute.

"8=========D Hahaha! The mere thought of your frail woman's hands attaching themselves sucessfuly to my STRONG stallion's neck is amusing."

"No+ as amusing as this!" Porrim launched herself at Horuss, who embraced her wholehearedly as she began to rip off his armor. She was about to take out a sewing needle from her sylladex to cut Horuss with when she felt Kankri's hands around her waist, pulling her back. Rufioh grabbed Horuss' shoulders and tried to pry him away from her. After what seemed like an eterniy, they black lovers were torn apart.

"Kankri, let me go+! I've go+ to+ get a few hits o+n him befo+re we leave this awful place!" she cried.

"N9, P9rrim! Y9u will cease this 6eh99ve-I mean, 6ehavi9r-at 9nce!"

"Kanny, sto+p it! This really do+esn't invo+lve yo+u, yo+u kno+w!" As she stood up and started for Horuss again, Kankri began to pap on her shoulder.

"SH99SH, P99rim! SH99999999999999SSSSSSSSSHHHHH!" Kankri did his best to shoosh-pap Porrim.

Porrim, keep thinking thosch angry thoughtsch! Don't schtop hating Horussch!

And as she felt the gentle papping of her friend, the desire to rip Horuss' heart out and make out with it died away.

Drat.

Rufioh got up from underneath Horuss, who was very happy that he had fallen on top of Rufioh, and went over to Kankri.

"let's just get these two to break up, huh?"

"I agree. This kissmesis is getting 9ut 9f hand. I d9n't think even tw9 auspicticizes can handle it."

Porrim stood up and dusted herself off, sitting back down in her chair.

"Do+n't wo+rry abo+ut it, guys. I do+n't want to+ do+ this anymo+re," Porrim said, feeling tired. Kankri raised his eyebros.

Eggsch, Finn, where were you when I needed you?

"Y9u seemed t9 have 6een drained 9f y9ur 6lack interests 6y my c9ns9lati9n technique...which I will c9nfess was invented 9n the sp9t," Kankri said. "H9w fascinating. What shall I call this new m9ve?"

I have to keep tracking everyone's future trails and report back to Crowbar. What I did before was only a one-time deal. None of them are officially my problem.

"oh, uh, call 1t the shoosh-pap!" Rufioh suggested.

uh, sorry, eggs was trying to get rid of the extra Rufiohs! they're all gone now!

"What a fine name f9r this technique! The Sh99sh Pap!" Kankri declared triumphantly and stupidly.

Porrim took out Stitch's effigy and gave it to Horuss.

"I wo+n't be needing this anymo+re," she said. "I'm so+rry I've caused so+ much pain to+ yo+u, Ho+russ."

"8=d Are we breaking up? But, I have only begin to know the ways in which to hate you!" he protested.

"It was great while it lasted, Ho+russ. But it wasn't the best thing fo+r either o+f us. Perhaps yo+u'll find ano+her kissmesis."

"8==d Neigh, Porrim! I shall wait until you change your mind, no matter how long it takes!" Horuss whinnied as Porrim and Kankri left. Horuss' supposedly floppy horse ears drooped in sorrow.

"1t's okay, bro! you st1ll have me!" Rufioh said hopefully.

"8====D This is true. And while perhaps you may not be in the proper quadrant, perhaps you could mimic some of Porrim's romantic techni%?"

"l1ke what?" Rufioh asked, instantly regretting the question.

"8=========D Could you please be so kind as to "Giddy me up" by taking the effigy and...delivering a blow to the backside?"

"wha-?"

"8=============D Allow me to rephrase that. Could you take the effigy Porrim left and use it to...spank my flank?" Rufioh began to feel a little naseous at the suggestion.

"sorry. 1 have to go and-get some stuff back from my h1ve," he said nervously. Using his juju, he made duplicate of himself.

"th1s other me w1ll stay w1th you wh1le 1 go back."

"8================D Very well, then. Perhaps, upon your return, you would-?"

"hey, look, can 1 come w1th you, dude?" the other Rufioh asked.

"bangarang! now there's two of us! we'll be back soon, 'kay?"

And the two Rufiohs flew away to LOWAC.

"8===================D Wait, Rufiohs! I-never mind, I'll just do it to myself."


	23. Chapter 23

Latula was at the top of Mituna's room in Prospit, eyeing her matesprit furtively to see if he had opened his eyes. She had been waiting for a ten minutes now, and so far nothing. Mituna hadn't moved once; it seemed as if he wasn't even breathing.

As the seconds went by, Latula realized she couldn't wait any longer and tried to shake Mituna awake.

"tun4, why won't you w4k3 up?!" she cried. Mituna didn't budge at all. It was as if he wasn't even there, she thought. Latula knew something was wrong, but she wasn't sure what. Every other time she had gone to another part of Prospit and come back, she had seen Mituna's sleeping body peacefully wrapped in the blankets, his position having never changed. Latula kissed her sleeping matesprit with worry.

"why won't you w4k3 up w1th m3?" she asked him. "1s th3r3 som3th1ng hold1ng you b4ck?"

A voice resounded in her head:

_No. You're the one who needs to wake up._

"M1tun4?" Latula said, a flash of light blinding her. She shot awake in her recuperacoon. Mituna was still asleep, still with her.

_Go outside. I'm waiting for you._

Latula did as the voice instructed, confident that it was Mituna. The skies of LOEW had four colors, she saw as she looked up in the air: yellow, red, blue, and purple. They heralded the arrival of the Prince and the Heir, and she could tell.

She ignored Kurloz as the two touched down at stared in awe at Mituna's new Grimdark body. "M1tun4, wh4t's up w1th th3 outf1t?" she asked.

"The HorrorTerrors have given me strength for the upcoming battle," he said simply. "They have given me a mixture of both the powers of God Tier and their own Grimdark energy to allow me to properly fight my Denizen on LOBMAS. I want you to come with me. You are perfect the way you are."

"4ww, th4t's sw33t! but s3r1ously, wh4t's go1ng on? 4nd why 1s Kurloz w1th you?" Latula asked.

"I'll admit this does warrant an explanation, so I'll give it: my Denizen, Prora Methos, is a rogue horror Terror. He agreed to eliminate me so that Lord English wouldn't have to do so himself in the future."

"w41t, who's Lord 3ngl1sh?" Latula asked.

"I don't really know. The HorrorTerrors spoke his name with fear," Mituna replied, himself trembling slightly when he mentioned the name. "They only said that he was powerful enough to destroy all life in a universe. Prora Methos made 2 agreements with him: the first, made long ago, was that he would receive infinite knowledge, greater than that of the other HorrorTerrors, but would have to become a construct in a Sgrub session later on. This one, in fact. The second deal was made just before our session began; Prora Methos agreed to kill me and receive a dimension that Lord English had emptied to repopulate and rule as his own. The HorrorTerrors would punish this traitor themselves, but they are not allowed to directly intervene in a players' session like this."

"w3ll, th1s guy c4n't hurt you 1f you'r3 h3r3 w1th m3, r1ght?" Latula asked worriedly.

"Yes, but that's besides the point," Mituna said. "The HorrorTerrors said that if I don't rise to the challenge, he will attack everyone else."

"M1tun4, you don't h4v3 to do th1s!" Latula protested. "Th3y c4n't m4k3 you do 4nyth1ng you don't w4nt to!"

Mituna sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"But it's our only choice, Tulip. Even if I could find a way to get away from him and keep everyone else safe, it would take us to a doomed timeline. Prora Methos would relentlessly hunt me down, and all of you could get killed in the process. Most of us wouldn't be able to stand a chance, anyway."

"Tun4, how c4n you b3 so sur3 of 4ll th1s?" Latula asked, taking off her shades so that he could see her eyes.

"I'm the Heir of Doom. It's my duty in the session to see all of our possible fates," Mituna remined her. "And right now, I see us at a crossroads: either we kill Prora Methos and fulfill what my visions have been telling me, or we-all of us playing this session-could die."

Latula shook her head slowly, refusing to acknowledge her matesprit's words. "th1s 1sn't f41r! th3y c4n't just t4k3 you 4w4y from m3!"

"No one is taking me away. I want you to come with me. Kurloz, too. We're destroying this thing together. I know we can do it."

"M1tun4, 1...1 b3l13v3 you. But 1s 1t ok4y 1f 1 don't w4nt to?"

"You don't have to believe it; just trust that it will all work out," Mituna said, kissing her. When he had finished, the three trolls turned to Latula's hive.

"We're gonna prepare here for a while, and then we'll go," Mituna said. They went upstairs, where Mituna's normal, non-dream body lay on the floor. Kurloz placed it in the recuperacoon.

"It'll be safe here," Mituna said. "If I die in this state, I'll still have this one. But I won't be as powerful. Hopefully we won't need it."

"1 r34lly hop3 not. 1'm go1ng to 4lch3m1ze 1n th3 n3xt room," Latula said. She left without another word, not wishing to look at the two Mitunas at the same time.

The awake Mituna turned to Kurloz and said:

"Now I know how you feel, Kurloz: To lie to your matesprit is a terrible thing."

Kurloz frowned.

**. . . . .**

Latula stood over the gear she planned to use for the fight: a hoverboard, 4 grenades, a giant pair of razor-edged, one-handed, and lightweight scissors she had alchemized (referred to by the game as "Severers",) and a high-tech spear known as "Red Cloud's Missile", or RCM. Latula could throw the spear, and it would lock on to its target, able to pierce through flesh (or any similiar substance) easily enough to go through one end and come out the other end. After emerging from the other end of the target, the spear would redirect itself back to Latula, its pointed end and blunt end alternating so that she could grasp it without injuring herself accidentally. And then the RCM would be ready for another throw.

She also had on some lightweight gauntlets with blades pointing out from the knuckles. These, sadly, did not have a cool name, but they were great and tearing foes apart.

Latula was about to return to Mituna, satisfied with her choices in arms, until she heard a voice intrude upon her mind like the Kool-Aid man:

**OH YEAH! FINALLY GOT A CONNECTION TO YOU! CAN YOU HEAR ME?! I'M CANS! SERIOUSLY, THAT'S MY NAME!**

Despite the serious situation she was about to enter, Latula laughed at the abruptness and the hilarity of the loud voice, rather than being intimidated or repulsed.

"loud 4nd cl34r! wh4zzup?! th1s 1s L4tul4 Pyrop3, 4nd 1'm 4bout to k1ck som3 4ss! but 1 don't r34lly w4nt to..."

**YOU'LL DO FINE, BABY! JUST GO OUT THERE AND BATTLE HARD! I'M HERE TO HELP YOU OUT! JUST TURN AROUND AND YOU'LL SEE A PRESENT FROM ME ON THE FLOOR! TAKE IT!**

Latula did so, picking up a small maroon badge.

"wh4t's th1s for?" she asked.

**IT'S MY BADGE! BUT I GOTTA WARN YOU-YOU CAN ONLY USE IT ONCE FOR THE FIGHT! USE IT RIGHT AT THE END, TO STRIKE THE KILLING BLOW! PRORA METHOS WILL DISAPPEAR, BUT CHILL OUT! THAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! IF YOU DO IT RIGHT, THE FORCE OF THE PUNCH'LL KNOCK HIM BACK EONS!**

"so 1'm suppos3d to knock Pror4 M3thos b4ck 1n t1me? r4d1c4l!"

**YOU BET IT'S KOOL! BUT BE MAKE SURE YOU USE IT WISELY AT THE END OF THE FIGHT!**

"wh4t 1f 1 don't m4k3 1t to th3 3nd of th3 f1ght?"

**CHILL OUT! YOU'LL DO FINE. KNOCK'EM INTO NEXT WEEK, KID! OH YEAH!**

"w3ll, th4nks, C4ns! s33 y4!"

**GOODBYE, KOOL GIRL! OH, WAIT, ALMOST FORGOT! CHECK YOUR TROLLIAN ACCOUNT, SOMEBODY'S TROLLIN', AND IT AIN'T ME!**

Latula did as instructed and found that it was Aranea.

** Arachne's Gift (AG) began trolling Gamer Creationist (GC)**

AG: W8, 8efore you 8egin your 8attle to the death, check your recuperacoon. I appearified-well, I actually had my exile do it-a magic marshmallow for you to use in the fight. It will give you quite a useful a8ility. 8ut in order to activ8 it, you must yell "MARSHMALLOW POWER!" Good luck!

Latula went to her room where Mituna still was to show him the badge, capthaloguing it after he had looked at it. She also capthalogued the marshmallow.

"Good. I had a feeling you would get that," Mituna said, referring to Can's badge. "It ties in to Prora Methos' doom. As a Doom player, I have a good instinct about death."

"...oh. w3ll, wh4t 4bout your own?" Latula asked, afraid of answering the question. Mituna sighed deeply.

"If we do this right, I'll be fine. And so will you. Don't worry about it. At all!" he finished his statement with a harsh tone. "Gog, why are you worrying about it?!"

Latula scowled. "W3ll, 3xcus3 m3 for h4v1ng som3 conc3rn for you!" she cried. "1s 1t r34lly wrong for m3 to not w4nt you to d13?!"

"No, it's just...gah! This is so hard to explain to you! You could barely grasp Prora Methos, and now this worrying crap. Just Porrim with Kankri..."

"h3y, Porr1m's 43som3! don't br1ng h3r 1nto th1s!" Latula protested. "1 don't know wh4t thos3 stup1d HorrorT3rrors d1d to you, but you'r3 4ct1ng l1k3 so 4loof r1ght now1"

"This doesn't come naturally to me," Mituna replied. "This...relationship stuff. Can't you just learn to-?"

"1 don't h4v3 to 'l34rn 4nyth1ng! M1tun4, why 4r3 you b3ing so...?"

Latula's words were deflected against Mituna's ears. There was already too much noise going on in his head to hear them.

**"WHY ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKIN' HESITATIN'?! IT'S TIME TO KILL THIS GUY! FORGET ABOUT YOUR HYSTERICAL DAME OF A MATESPRIT!"**

"Mituna, cease this foolish bickering. You must defeat Prora Methos!"

**FOOLISH BOY. CAN'T YOU SEE YOUR DOOM AHEAD OF YOU? NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, YOU WILL BE DESTROYED ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.**

biscuits is getting tired of you not talking to him! why won't you say anything to me...?

Snowman, I love you. There, I've said it.

Agggggggh!

meow, meow, we're drowning! we can't swim!

Kid, listen, now's the time for you to be a man. Forget about me, the others need you! Stick that pin in that doll and go!

I find all of this to be rather amusing.

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

6969696969696969696969...!

Marshmallow Power!

Vwhy didn't you care about me? Vwould it hawve killed you to vwisit just once? Does no one lowve me? I am really that vworthless?

How HIGH to you have to BE to even DO something like that?

Hold on, John. I'm about to throw a bathtub through your wall.

Add the screams of milllions of Dersites to these voices.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! STOP, STOP, STOP!" Mituna turned around and kicked the wall of Latula's hive, sitting down with his back turned to her. He began to cry.

"wh4t's wrong now?!" Latula demanded. Mituna turned around, and her face eased up when she saw how sad he was.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." Mituna said, shaking his head. "I lied to you, Latula. We are going to die, we are going to die! And all those voices will never get out of my head! And Kurloz just kills people and so does Meenah and Lord English and Jack and people I don't know and death and blood and corpses and tell Kankri to shut up! And shut up, all of you idiots in my head! Just stop it! STOP TALKING TO ME!"

Mituna sobbed uncontrollably into Latula's shoulder, opposite Cans' badge.

"Why 4r3 you cry1ng so much?" Latula asked.

"Don't you get it? I can see death, as it happens, before it happens, after it happens. And that includes my own. I lied, Latula: we are going to die. Just not now. We're doomed, Latula. We were doomed to play this game, doomed to fight Prora Methos, doomed to die, in some way or another. I just don't really know how. I can't see that far. And all of the voices in my head...the voices..."

"shhh...1t's ok4y, M1tun4, don't l3t th3 vo1c3s both3r you. 1t'll b3 ok4y, trust m3."

"How can you be so sure?"

"w3ll, 1 gu3ss you could s4y 1 w4s 1nsp1r3ed by your own conf1d3nc3 just mom3nts 4go! 1 lov3 you, Tun4, 4nd 1t hurts to s33 you th1s w4y."

"...I love you, too, Tulip."

"M1tun4?"

"Yeah?"

"d1d you 3v3r s33 us f4ll1ng 1n lov3?"

"...No. I never did. My visions and voices never really involved me."

"do you th1nk th4t m4yb3 th4t w4s just som3th1ng th4t w3 could control on our own? M4yb3 w3'r3 r34lly mor3 in control of our d3st1ny th4n w3 t3nd to th1nk?"

"...Maybe. Or mabye..."

"m4yb3 wh4t?"

"Maybe we were 'doomed' to fall in love."

"h3h, h3h. m4yb3 so."

The matesprits soon joined Kurloz, still wielding the Cringe Inducer, at the gate to LOBMAS.

"you'r3 not t4k1ng 4ny w34pons?" Latula asked.

"Nope," Mituna replied. "I only need my psychic powers for this fight."

"oh. w3ll, l3t's go, th3n."

"Yeah. Let's go."


	24. Chapter 24

The three trolls stared at the gate, somewhat afraid to go in. Latula leaned in, and Mituna held her hand. Kurloz followed them in, and they emerged on Mituna's world. There a massive, transparent, jellyfish like creature hovered above them. Its long tentacles dangled ominously in the air, and the transparent film covering them seemed to shimmer red, then blue, then yellow, then back to red before their eyes. Above the tentacles, a massive stormcloud concealed the body and face of the Denizen. It spoke, and its voice was suprisingly calm, monotone, and singular:

_**"Greetings, Knight, Prince, and Heir. I am called Prora Methos. You wish to challenge me, yes?"**_

"Don't be so pompous. Your death is at hand," Mituna said, floating to meet the creature, facing the cloud.

_**"Quite the bold one. Let us begin."**_

"Indeed," Mituna replied. Latula ate the marshamallow and cried, "m4m4llow pow3r!" Mituna looked at her as if she were insane.

"1t's for good luck," Latula explained sheepishly. Mituna nodded in understanding, floating up to Prora Methos. Kurloz did the same, and so did Latula, who had gained the floating ability by eating the balloon-shaped marshmallow.

"Let's see which one of us is really doomed!" Mituna said challengingly. Prora Methos did not reply, but instead shot out a tentacle.

And thus the greatest battle of Player against Denizen began.

Mituna flew upwards and to the right of Prora Methos to dodge the tentacle. Latula used the severers to, well, sever the tentacle.

_**"My means of attack are infinite,"**_ Prora Methos said nonchalantly as he sweeped 3 tentacles into Latula and Kurloz from the side. They took the air with Mituna, and the three of them tried to enter the stormcloud that protected the eldritch monstrosity. Prora Methos grabbed the 3 of them as they attempted to diverge, slamming them back to the ground.

Mituna helped Latula to her feet, and they and Kurloz split off again, with Mituna aiming for the center and Latula the left and right. Prora Methos sent out a thin blue ring that hit the trolls like a shockwave, knocking Latula and Kurloz down a few feet in the air and making Mituna shudder with the psychic energy.

_**"You'll suffer the most,"** _Prora Methos said informatively. As he shot out another tentacle, this one pointed at the end to skewer Mituna, the troll fired an immense blast of red and blue electricity from his forehead, zapping the tentacle and making it numb. As it dropped, Kurloz chopped it off with his battleaxe. Mituna strafed to the right, reaching for Latula. She held his hand as he fired another mental blast at Prora Methos, this time at the storm cloud hiding him. Although the monster appeared to crackle a bit, nothing seemed to happen. Prora Methos shot out more tentacles at Mituna, aiming to grab him as Latula moved to see if she could catch Prora Methos by surprise from the rear. Mituna grabbed the tentacle as it came toward him and severed it with a laser from his hand, but Latula was completely cut off guard and was stabbed with the tentacle aiming for her. The male trolls gasped as Prora Methos pulled Latula into itself, thinking that she was doomed. Instead, Prora Methos fired Latula out into the air, whizzing far away from the scene of the battle. Latula stopped herself from flying indefinitely and returned to the fray before she could crash into anything.

"Latula, what did you see in there?" Mituna asked her telepathically.

"noth1ng much! why?" she asked.

"I was hoping he would have some weakness in his core, if we can call it that."

"**I'LL TAKE THE TENTACLES. YOU TWO TRY AND ENTER THE MOTHERFUCKIN' CORE," **Kurloz suggested, also telepathically.

_**"I should warn you now that your conversation isn't private,"** _Prora Methos cautioned. **_"Your every word is remembered and added to my collection of knowledge."_**

"Sur3, wh4t3v3r, just shut up!" Latula cried out loud.

Prora Methos said nothing more, as if to comply. Instead he fired out several yellow lasers from the storm cloud, each one targeting the trolls where they were. Kurloz blocked his with his battleaxe, causing it to stop firing. Latula dodged hers and tossed a grenade into the storm cloud. Prora Methos simply picked it up and threw it back out, at her, and it exploded in front of her, knocking her down. Mituna immediately surrounded himself in a psionic bubble and launched it at Latula.

"Stay in there until you feel ready to fight!" he cried. Prora Methos tried to shoot out with another tentacle, but a jolt from the bubble told him it was useless. Kurloz took the opportunity to sever this other tentacle. Prora Methos then sent out dozens of tentacles and spun them rapidly in a circle all around the storm cloud, taking care not to touch Latula's bubble. Mituna tried to fire another psionic blast with his eyes and hands, but the tentacles resisted and knocked him away. Kurloz held up his battleaxe, hoping that each one would be chopped when they touched the blade, but instead the battleaxe was knocked away, and as Kurloz went to retrieve it he was shot with a powerful and wide red beam that sent him crashing to the ground with Mituna.

Latula was still wounded, but she completely disregarded this and flew out with her severers and the RCM (no, I didn't forget about it!) and opened up the former in front of the tentacles, blocking each one as they came between the giant scissor blades. With a simple motion, Latula cut off all of the tentacles as they piled up. She then took the RCM and threw it into the stormcloud. It returned to her out from the top, and Latula caught it. As the spear flew in, the storm cloud crackled and boomed. Kurloz tossed Latula his battleaxe, and she attached it and another grenade to the RCM. The weapons again flew straight into Prora Methos's storm cloud, and the explosion from the grenades sent the weapons undamaged out from the eldritch's mysterious core. Latula and Kurloz grabbed their weapons, and Mituna hovered in astonishment.

"How did you do that?" Mituna asked.

"You just h4v3 to try 4 bunch of stuff and s33 wh4t works," Latula said casually. "Th1s 1s st1ll just 4 g4m3, r3m3mb3r? 3v3ry boss h4s to h4v3 som3 kind of w34kn3ss, 3v3n yours. Oth3rw1s3 th3r3'd b3 no w4y for us to w1n!"

_**"If you remember from your gaming experiences, many bosses have mutiple phases,"**_ Prora Methos added.**_ "You've only forced me to change strageties. Nothing more."_**

And with that, Prora Methos grabbed the three trolls with his tentacles and sent them into his storm cloud.

They awoke to find themselves in a giant, turbulent, gray sphere with no solid objects at all. Red, blue, and plain old yellow lightning shot not just vertically but horizontally and diagonally across the sphere almost haphazardly. Prora Methos himself hovered in the center, much smaller then one would have thought him to be. He now appeared as a small, light blue jellyfish-like creature, with a transparent body and much shorter tentacles that weren't useful for attack. He was about two feet long and five feet tall.

_**"This is who I was prior to receiving my knowledge,"**_ Prora Methos explained. **_"I was one of the few residents of the Furthest Ring who had definite mass and size. I was the lowliest of them all; now they rightly fear my power. When I'm finished here, I will kill them by expanding to a much greater size than what you see now. I have only shrunk this way for the battle; the game won't allow me to give myself an unfair advantage."_**

"I don't care what you are, we're killing you!" Mituna cried.

_**"But perhaps I could be in a timeline in which you do not? There is only one way to test this."**_

Prora Methos directed one of the richocheting lightning bolts and aimed one at Mituna. It struck him, and he fell downward to the bottom of the sphere. Latula tried to use the severers to cut at the lightning that was aiming for her, but it went too fast and simply traveled through the scissors to her. As her damaged body drifted to where Mituna was, she put the severers back in her sylladex for later use. They wouldn't be much good now, she knew.

Kurloz flew rapidly to Prora Methos, who teleported to avoid the swing of his battleaxe. Kurloz would've gasped if he had been able to when Prora Methos suddenly grabbed him with his much shorter tentacles and spun him around to face him.

_**"What a foolish one you are. If only you had not blasphemed your Master all those years ago. Then none of this would be your problem. If only there were some way to redeem yourself."**_

**"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!" **Kurloz demanded. "**TELL ME, YOU WICKED ABOMINATION!"**

_**"If you survive this, he will tell you himself,"**_ Prora Methos replied. He then reached out and pulled off Kurloz's wings off. The monster then threw him downward with Mituna and Latula. Mituna caught Kurloz as he fell, but a lightning strike shot through both of them, hurting them severely. Latula fired her RCM at Prora Methos, but he simply teleported away, only reappearing when the weapon came back to her.

"how 4r3 w3 suppos3d to h1t h1m? h3 just k33ps dodg1ng!"

"Maybe it's only something I can do!" Mituna yelled over the booming thunder. "Hold on a second, guys!" he formed a psychic bubble and surrounded his matesprit and his moirail. Prora Methos sent more lightning blasts at them, but they bounced off and hit him instead. Mituna raised an eyebrow as Prora Methos recoiled from the shock of his own attack. The psionic Heir flew over to where he was, and this time Prora Methos didn't warp away.

Mituna focused all of his mental energy and fired a massive burst of electricity from his forehead as he had done before, also firing lasers from his hands, eyes, and even his mouth. As he kept the blast firing, he felt himself feeling a little dizzy. As his vision blurred, he coudn't tell whether or not Prora Methos had left the spot where he was firing or not. He could make out a light blue shape, but was the Denizen?

Mituna closed his eyes and mouth, and his hands fell to his sides. When his vision cleared, he could see that Prora Methos was gone.

"Where...did he go?" Mituna asked himself aloud.

_**"To answer your question, there is a HorrorTerror currently residing on your skull,"**_ Prora Methos replied. He used a tentacle to deliver a punch to Mituna's head, the blow penetrating through his skull with its psychic reach. Mituna could feel his brain bleeding yellow as Prora Methos delivered more blows, finally lauching Mituna across the sphere. More bolts of lightning hit him as he crashed into what was apparently the wall of the sphere. Prora Methos finished his attack by extending his tentacles vertically from the top and bottom of the sphere as they crackled with multi-colored electricity. A massive wave of energy that encompassed the entire half of the sphere where Mituna was hit him at full force. The blast left him stunned and defenseless.

Latula was crying now, struggling to break free of her bubble. But only Mituna could open this one with his powers, and he was far too weak to do so at the moment.

"M1tun4!" she cried, his name being the only coherent word of her screams of dismay as Prora Methos hovered slowly over to where his body lay.

**OH NO! THIS ISN'T GOOD!**

"C4ns, h3's dy1ng! Wh4t do 1 do?" Latula cried.

**JUST DO WHAT I DO: PUT OFF YOUR PROBLEMS BY SETTING THEM BACK A LITTLE, IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT!**

"th3 b4dg3!" Latula cried in realization. She put it on and punched the bubble again. She took out her RCM once more and threw at Prora Methos as he was grabbing onto the unconcious Mituna. The RCM hit him at full force, severing his tentacles and lodging itself into Prora Methos' membrane. Latula, not bothering to wait for it to come back, went over and delivered a powerful punch with her gauntlets to Prora Methos, and the monster vanished.

**. . . . .**

But where did Prora Methos go? How far back in time did the blast send him?

Years in the past (very many) the young eldritch monster hovered with awe and terror as he saw an object hurtle towards him from the black emptiness of the Furthest Ring. It was the same size as he, but it was faster than he ever could, and emanating energy that he had never perceived before, at least from his own physical body. As the object grew closer, the young Prora Methos began to probe the mind of this being, realizing that it was very much like himself-ambitious, headstrong, yet calculating. But for some reason, Prora Methos felt that none of the traits he had been blessed to have been spawned with would matter very much now, nor eons in the future.

Prora Methos, from eons in the future, saw this young eldritch being, and tried to speak to it. He could have told it to move out of the way, but his infinite knowledge told him that such a thing would be impossible to do; the child would be too terrified and ignorant to understand him.

"_**The levels of irony in my fate are as infinite as the stars,"** _Prora Methos said to himself.

And when both had collided, a tentacle from a much larger HorrorTerror reached out and flung their corpses across paradox space. Whatever happened to the trash was inconsequential.

**. . . . .**

Latula watched as the sphere of storm clouds vanished, and she suddenly found herself plummeting down to the ground and landing with a thud. When she got up, she found that her weapons were still in her sylladex, but Kurloz and Mituna were nowhere to be found.

Confused and worried, she returned home alone. Mituna's non-dream body was still sleeping peacefully, unharmed by the battle. But what had happened to the Mituna that had fought with her, and where was Kurloz?

Those questions weren't ones that she felt like answering to herself, mostly because she dreaded her conclusion: she was the only survivor of the battle.


	25. Chapter 25

Kurloz woke up surrounded by a murky black void. He could see Mituna and Prora Methos off in the distance, staring each other down. Kurloz tried to reach them, but no matter how far he flew they always seemed to be at the same distance. Somehow, he was trapped. He leaned as far as he could to listen to whatever could be heard.

Mituna, meanwhile, had just opened his eyes and was glaring at his Denizen, assuming that it had somehow cheated death.

"What?!" he said nervously and with shock. "But-but we killed you!" he cried.

_**"Calm yourself, boy,"** _Prora Methos said in an almost scolding tone. **_"I am officially dead, at least in your timeline. I am an alternate Prora Methos, and as such I have an alternate purpose. I was brought here by a servant of Lord English. He is here to see that the agreement with his master is fulfilled." _**Mituna glanced at the small green man in a green hat that had a 6 on it. Die gave a small wave but said nothing.

"What do you want if I've already killed you, fair and square?" Mituna asked.

_**"I am giving you your reward, as per the agreement. Allow me to explain the deal to you in my own words, rather than having your mind filled with lies from my brethren: Long ago, long before your world was created, or most other worlds for that matter, my ancestors completed this game properly, and as our reward we were given immortality, reverence in suceeding dimensions crafted by paradox space, and some manipulation in the affairs of future players. Our race was also allowed to repopulate in the Furthest Ring, a domain given to my ancestors as their new kingdom. **__**I was born some mere 7 million sweeps before your planet's birth.** **I was a 'runt', in your terms. A mutant among what your kind would consider already abhorrent enough. I was mocked for my small size, and having a finite mass and no ability to manipulate things beyond the 3rd dimension. A mere mortal. Until an outsider appeared to us from a very long way away in time. I still do not know whether he was from the past or the future, but it does not matter. He offered me at that moment infinite knowledge and promised infinite power later**__** on. **__**I foolishly took the offer, not realizing that infinite knowledge would also include the knowledge of the many ways in which I could die. No matter which timeline I looked into, it was inevitable. I realized too late that my wish had come with a price."**_

_**"I was also made into a Denizen, a game construct to wait for a very long time for your Session to begin. I could have tried to escape, but again, it was inevitable and fruitless, according to every timeline in which I tried. You see, Mituna, with great knowledge comes a knowledge of doom, which you are also capable of seeing. Our shared ability is what made me your Denizen."**_

"How does this affect me?" Mituna asked.

_**"I was approaching that. You see, I am from the single timeline-and there is only one, I checked-in which I am the victor against all 3 of you, and only because of a simple glitch in the game. The way in which I killed you is so amusing that you would be amused if you were not the victim."**_

"How did we die?"

_**"You fell down a flight of stairs, each one of you, that had accidentally been transported from another session, and a more...bizarre one, at that. The way in which I had to dispose of you was so...unbecoming of someone like me. Ick."**_

"But if you said every timeline of you is doomed, then why are you still alive?"

_**"I'm just not dead yet, Mituna. When this is over, I will have outlived my usefulness and be killed by Lord English. Again, if I had known my many fates I would have not taken his offer. But I cannot go back to that day; Lord English will simply send someone as powerful as myself after me: another player from your session."**_

"Who?"

_**"You will draw your own conclusion. Let us get to the present, shall we? The reason I am alive now is because I, as your Denizen, must reward you for your defeating of me, albeit that you did not strike the final blow."**_

"What sort of reward?"

_**"Mituna Captor, I offer you the Choice. You have two options: to either receive infinite power now, or to receive peace later. I must remark that this is offer is an 'either-or' as opposed to a 'both-and'."**_

"I don't care what you're offering me, I'm not taking either one!"

_**"But you must. You cannot leave until you make your decision."**_

"Fine, fine. Just...give me time to think."

"_**Take more than you need."**_

Mituna thought carefully, weighing each option. He would like power, but didn't he already have that? But just then, he felt himself become weaker, at the same state as he had been before the HorrorTerrors had aided him. Was he to lose his power now that the battle was over?

"**HE'S MOTHERFUCKIN' DECEIVIN' YOU, MITUNA! USE YOUR ABILITIES TO SEE WHAT HE MEANS BY EACH OPTION!" **Mituna, compelled to obey, concentrating, trying to see what would happen if he chose power. A series of images flashed through his mind. Prora Methos dying. The green man vanishing. Pain. Uncontrollable energy from his head. Kurloz, dead. Latula, dead. Yellow tears. Yellow blood, mixing into a rainbow. The destruction of Prospit and Derse. And finally seeing Lord English, the image forever imbedding in his brain. And his destruction. Mituna didn't need to see it again to know that this was the wrong choice. He then focused his mind to observe the second one. His mind tried to make an image, but each one was faded and too brief to interpret. Frenzied screams, his skull banging against a wall, crying, huddling in a corner, slipping and falling on flat ground, and pain. So much pain. Another option Mituna knew he couldn't choose. Why had Prora Methos called this one 'peace and love'?

_**"You cannot refuse both, Mituna,"** _Prora Methos said. _**"You must make the Choice."**_

Mituna tried to focus on the second option again, with the images being a bit clearer this time. He saw a few smiles, a face that was clearly Latula's, and heard her laughing and felt her embrace. Then he saw himself, sleeping in a fetal position like a helpless wriggler, with her wathcing over him.

"no on3's go1ng to hurt you, Tun4. 3v3ryth1ng w1ll b3 4ll r1ght. you h4v3 4 kn1ght to prot3ct you, just l1k3 you w3r3 for m3."

Mituna smiled, realizing which option he would have to choose.

"I...I choose love," he said softly. "And peace."

_**"A wise choice. You were blessed with the best and the worst power among your friends. But even this comes with a price,"** _Prora Methos said. Reaching out a tentacle to his forehead, he touched Mituna lightly.

Pain shot through him, and he felt as if his brain was being destroyed before him. Memories surged through his mind, and he tried to think of Latula, as if that would somehow stopped the surging energy that was flooding his brain. But it was no use, and he found himself falling, far from Prora Methos and Kurloz, far from this empty void, far from everything and everyone.

Mituna's mind was dying.

**. . . . .**

"0000000000000000WWWWWWWWWWWW! MY H34D! MY H3D!11!l!" Mituna cried, finally emerging from his slumber. Latula hugged him, not realizing that he had changed.

"Tun4, you'r3 b4ck!" she cried. Mituna broke free from her embrace and proceeded to bang his head against the wall of her hive, screaming at the top of his voice.

"44444444444HHHHHHHHHTH3YW0'NTG04W4YTH3YW0N'TG0WH1W0N'TTH3YG0G0G0G0G0G0?!1? 4H MY H34D HURTS 1'M B133D1NG H3LP H3LP A;GLHALSEHKGW;GLOWEIVNOVNNV;XRIOXE;GVXRIOGFNE;ROVNOXDVORNEGOPSURGNEVBIOH3LPH3LPH3LPH3LP3HPL3HL3H3PL3HL3H33PL3H3L3HLHP33LM33333333333333333333333333333333EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'

"Tun4, stop! you'r3 hurt1ng yours3lf!" Latula pulled Mituna away, from the wall, feeling him for bruises on his forehead. She nearly gasped when she realized that Mituna's forehead was bleeding from the damage. She picked up Mituna, who was surprisingly much lighter than she, and held him down on the bed as he flailed about helplessly and foaming at the mouth. She quickly placed the covers over him, hoping that this would somehow pacify him while she tried some alchemization.

**Go in the next room; I'm a friend of Cans, and I put something there for your boyfriend.**

Latula obeyed the stuffy-sounding voice and saw a yellow and black helmet, complete with four horn holes. Latula immediately went and tried to put it on Mituna's head. He struggled and screamed, fearful of someone placing an object on his head, but eventually he stopped struggling when Latula lifted the covers off of him.

"TH4NKS 4 S4V1NG M3 FROM SCARY BL4NK3TSSSTHTHTH," Mituna said, immediately darting to the wall and slamming his head down on it once more twice before stopping.

"W4IT...TH3Y ST00P3D."

"4r3 you ok4y now, Tun4?" Latula asked. Mituna responded by climbing back into bed.

"1'M F1N3. BUT D0N'T T0UCH M3 0R I'LL, 1'LL 1'11...BLARGHTHPSTHPSTHPSTHSTPTHPSPTHSPTHQQQQQQQT!" Mituna cried, leaping onto Latula's bed. Latula reached out to wrap her arm around his shoulder, fearful of his reaction.

"4A4GH4G4GHG4HAGHGA4HGH4GHAGHAGAH4GHA4G4HG4HN0N0N0N0N0N0N0N0N0N0N0N0N0N0 NON NO NO NO NO...NODON'T T0UCH T0UCH...W41T...MMMMM. YOU SM311 N1C3. YOU SM3LL IK3 A TUL1PPPSTH. AR3 Y0UR N4M3 C4N B3 TUL1PS?2?"

"y3s, M1tun4, you us3d to c4ll m3 th4t, r3m3mb3r?" Latula reminded him.

"0 YEASTH, 1 DlD."

"M1tun4?"

"WH4T?"

"do you st1ll lov3 m3?"

"...YES." And her gave her a big hug to prove it.

"H3N 1 W111 H4V3 P3IC3?" Mituna asked.

"y34h, M1tun4, you c4n h4v3 p34c3 r1ght now, 4s long 4s you'r3 w1th m3."

"0l-l. G00D. 1 LOV3 U."

"1 lov3 you too, no m4tt3r wh4t." As she hugged him, Latula didn't care about how he had ended up this way; surely he could tell her later. Right now, she was just glad to have him back, safe and sound, and generally normal.

END OF ACT 2 PART 2

END OF ACT 2


End file.
